


In the Beginning

by NorthwesternInsanity



Category: Alice Cooper (Musician) RPF, Music RPF, Winger (Band)
Genre: Drama, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurities, Light Angst, Major Character Injury, Technical Terms, enemies to best friends, music theory references, uncertain beginnings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-14
Updated: 2018-07-31
Packaged: 2019-03-04 14:30:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 57,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13366698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NorthwesternInsanity/pseuds/NorthwesternInsanity
Summary: Reb Beach has a frustrating problem with composing and using his incredible ability to come up with dozens of guitar riffs at a time. His next door neighbor to his session with Fiona Flanagan -Alice Cooper -thinks his bassist, Kip Winger, might know how to help him. But only if the two of them can work with each other -and Reb not only finds himself nervous, but feels tensions between himself and Kip building from the first day. How will he and Kip sort them out to better work together -and will they find themselves slowly transitioning toward an unexpected friendship?





	1. Nervous

Reb completed his walk around the outside of the studio building to the entrance on the other side. Despite the inside door, he'd chosen to exit and go all the way around, and he wasn't sure if that was means of stalling, or means of trying to dispel nerves that were buzzing in his stomach.

He opened the exterior door, going through the mud room and found the inside door to the studio space closed. Probably because recording and mixing hours were in progress. Hesitantly, he reached up and knocked on the door.

It swung open in less than two seconds as if inside, they'd known Reb was there. Not unbelievable -Reb had given a rough time estimate. 

It was Alice Cooper who had opened the door. He looked at Reb and smiled ever so slightly.

"Hey, Reb -come on in. You're right on time. Actually, you're a bit early. I'll take you over just in case he's waiting 'till the last minute and not in the lounge yet."

Reb had no idea for sure what he was getting himself into.

For the past couple of months, he'd been doing session work with Fiona Flanagan. Another session he'd managed to score, as it seemed he bounced from one to the next ever since graduating from Berklee. 

Fiona and her lineup for the session were sharing the studio space with Alice Cooper in the building divided in two with identical facilities on either side. That had been pretty surreal for Reb from the beginning -knowing a well known, major touring band was on the other side of the wall. The kind of band Reb hoped to one day be in as opposed to recording an album in the studio with some group, then finding another to repeat the process with.

Reb would have considered going solo or forming a full band of his own, but there were a few complications to that. One, he didn't really have the natural ability to lead. And two -the one that hindered him in a lot of other was too -he couldn't write a song of his own no matter how hard he tried. His ideas were fleeting. He could come up with riffs by the dozen, and it seemed each one was like a bitter one-night stand sneaking out before he could get their numbers, because more often than not, they faded from his mind and into oblivion before he could even try to work the, into something.

He'd been trying more and more lately, coming up with even more ideas than usual, and as always, they were riffs designed to break his heart before they could even form the outline of a song. 

And then about a week ago, he'd lost his temper and gone on a rant about it in the studio on the phone to a friend about having lost a bunch of good riffs again. Also saying that if he just had some way to remember them, or could figure out some trick to get them to come together, stay together, and most importantly stay with him, he'd have no problem playing on his own and wouldn't need to be stuck in session work.

Fiona and her studio manager and producer had been just through the doorway, and they had heard _every word._

Reb had never felt so close to having a heart attack in his life when they came into the room as soon as he got off the phone. If it wasn't out of fear, it was pure embarrassment. He had apologized profusely and given every assurance that he was happy to be contributing to this current project, despite neither of the two being so mad as they were confused and concerned. 

Fiona had even been laughing at Reb's frantic reaction when he saw them appear in the doorway. His face had gone completely pale with a deer-in-the-headlights look, then he'd blushed red and started gasping for air in a panic. By the end, both Fiona and her manager were laughing, as well as assuring Reb that it was okay and all was forgiven, albeit suggesting he might want to check his temper in the case that not every session manager was so calm.

But while Fiona had only gotten a laugh at Reb's expense -and his immense embarrassment -her manager had gotten an idea having to do with their next-door neighbor. A big idea to help Reb with his dilemma.

He'd decided to ask Alice about it. That was with the thought that he'd have somebody in his current lineup who could give Reb some advice, as Alice was known to look for and recruit band members that were adept in composing and with extra creative and strategic ability.

It seemed like a long shot to Reb for their manager to have asked -even if Alice was known to be pretty supportive, what was somebody stuck doing session work to him?

But oddly enough, Alice had returned the call the same day, and his answer had been a pretty generous 'yes' -already recommending one of his personnel.

Some young gun rocker about his age -slightly older -with a classical influence by the name of Kip Winger.

With Reb being completely caught off guard and torn as to whether he felt like accepting or not, Alice had invited Reb over to his side of the studio to talk to him and answer any questions Reb had about it after his band had gone home from recording early for the day, being way ahead of schedule. That was yesterday.

Reb had gone through the inside door in the middle of the hall dividing the two sides of that floor of the studio building. It hadn't taken him long to find Alice -who without his infamous corpse paint and fake blood didn't look so scary as he did just an ordinary guy. Reb could actually see Alice being the mentor figure type that he was sometimes noted to be. He'd welcomed Reb inside their room designated as the lounge to talk, inviting him to sit down and make himself at home.

"This is where I send the guys when we don't need them in the mixing room or in the recording areas. That way they can get up to trouble as they please without making too much noise and having it get on the tracks, or getting in the way of equipment," Alice had joked. "We have another room like this that's smaller more for the purpose of sitting away from the area to work out ideas -and you'll probably spend more time in there -but if you come over, you're welcome to hang out in this room too."

Reb had responded to this with a meek smile and a thanks before asking about Kip and what to expect from him.

"Kip? He's my current bass player. That's his main focus, but he's had experience and is familiar with guitar and piano too. You don't have to worry, he can work with more melodic lines. He's really good at composing and arranging too -probably strongest in that department I've had with me in a while. And problem-solving. Another advantage for you especially is that you might have heard Fiona mention she has a few more contributors coming in on what you're working on toward the end -and he's one of them, so even if we finish our album early, he'll still be here in this building until we go on tour -which won't be until you all are scheduled to finish. Some of my others will be out of the studio until we go on tour."

So far, so good.

"What's he like, personality wise?" Reb had asked. Sometimes that could change everything for him.

"Kip's not a typical guy -he can be a bit eccentric, but I wouldn't call him hard to get along with. He's got a sense of humor, and he does sometimes joke around and get silly, but he's serious when it's appropriate. He usually doesn't have problems in the temper department -I can't say the same about everyone else I have with me, but Kip is pretty level headed," Alice assured. "And not only is he a good problem solver, but he's really eager to get in and make things work out. When I say that, I'll warn that sometimes Kip can get a little overly gung-ho and enthusiastic at first when it comes to fixing things, and that does mean that he gets shot down at first when things usually end up more difficult. But he is very determined to finish anything he starts, so even if it gets frustrating, he will stick with you as long as you agree to keep working with him. He likes a challenge -he won't quit -and that's probably the most important thing for you."

Reb had thought for a minute then, becoming a little less comfortable.

"Has he been told?"

"Yeah, I told him -I wouldn't tell you about him if I hadn't asked him first," Alice reassured. "He says he's more than happy to help out if you're up to it, and says all you have to do is just come on over whenever you've decided and you're ready."

At least it seemed that Kip sounded willing. Other than knowing Kip wasn't likely to leave him hanging high and dry; however, Reb wasn't entirely sure what Alice meant by all he'd said with Kip's enthusiasm. Kip had a calm temperament, but how was he when he was "shot down", and was he overbearing with his enthusiasm?

Reb had made the mistake of calling home that night, deciding to talk to his father about it. He'd thought that maybe talking it out with somebody would help him process out what he was thinking. Instead, it made him feel pressured to agree whether he really wanted to or not.

"You know, Reb, if you want to make it in the music industry and you're still having these ridiculous problems you keep saying you'll fix and you never do, I think you'd better agree to an offer to help. Turning somebody down when they're willing to help you in an opportunity that convenient? You'd better get your head out of your ass!"

So, with that, Reb had called Alice the next day to say he was in, despite his nervousness. And now, a day later, he was being led through the studio back to the same lounge he'd sat in and talked with Alice, only this time, Kip was present.

"Oh, he's in there," declared Alice as they walked down the hall. "I hear him talking to -I think it sounds like Paul in there with him." He stopped as he and Reb reached the doorway into the lounge from the hall.

Reb peered around the doorframe and took in Kip's appearance.

He was of average height with an athletic build and he held a stance that suggested confidence. More confidence than average, and in the way that felt intimidating to Reb, who found himself lacking confidence more often than he cared to admit. As he conversed with the other person on the room, Kip leaned against the wall, legs crossed casually at the ankles, one hand resting on his hip, the other out in front of him ever so slightly, motioning to convey whatever it was he was talking about. His low set, downward slanting eyebrows clashing with his baby faced features gave him an impish look. The look of somebody who had a mind of their own and wasn't afraid of getting into trouble. Possibly, he appeared a bit full of himself too.

Reb still wasn't quite sure whether he was up to this or not.

"Well, you need to go inside and let him know you're here," Alice prompted.

 _I guess I can always stop working with him if I decide I really can't_ , figured Reb.

Timidly stepping over the threshold into the room and a few paces in, Reb stopped again, hanging back waiting for Kip's reaction. He felt relieved to see Alice take a step into the room too.

Kip looked over and seemed to light up in recognition. He lightly pushed himself himself off the wall, prancing into a normal standing position. Then he held up a finger in the "wait" signal, indicating he was on the way, and held up his speaking hand to the other guy, who had a mass of dark, curly hair and sharper features.

"...You know what? Hold that thought, Paul. I've got something I'm doing for an hour or so, but I'll catch you later before I leave for the night, so you can tell more then. Or if you leave before me I might be able to call you tonight. Whatever works out..." Kip dismissed himself, and the other -whom Reb assumed to be named Paul -left the room to go back to the recording area of Alice's side of the studio.

Then Kip turned toward Reb, taking a few steps forward.

Reb spoke timidly, nearly stuttering. 

"...Kip?"

"That's me. Reb Beach?"

"Yeah, uh-"

Alice had followed Reb further and was behind him. He shook his head.

"You all beat me to it. Yes, Kip, this is Reb."

"Nice to meet you," said Kip flatly, to Reb's confusion. He almost sounded pestered rather than pleased with how monotonous and low his voice was.

"Reb, this is Kip -like I said he doesn't have much time today, but you all can at least break the ice and talk about what you want to do face-to-face. Might want to tell each other your schedules so you can figure out when might be the best time to meet up day to day," Alice suggested.

"Are you alright with doing that today, and then whatever else you decide in any extra time we have?" asked Kip, putting his hands back on his hips and tilting his head questioningly.

Reb could feel Kip's eyes burning into him as he tried to read through him, but as for Kip himself, he wasn't sure what to make of him aside from what he'd seen when he was talking with Paul. Very confident -maybe too much. Reb began to worry if Kip would be understanding of how different he was in that way.

He took a tiny fraction of a step back toward Alice, looking down at his hands, which he held together in front of himself, shoulders hunched slightly forward with them. Occasionally he gently picked at the skin around his fingernails on one hand with the other in his nervous fidget.

"I guess that sounds alright," Reb spoke quietly.

"You only _guess?_ You want a minute to think about it more?" asked Kip.

This time, Reb at least heard what could have been playful there with the hint of a short laugh under it, but Kip's emphasis on "only guess" sounded almost biting too -somewhat critical. Not good enough. He couldn't make heads or tails of that either.

He nodded wordlessly, still not looking up or making further eye contact.

Kip backed up some and waited, continuing to look over Reb and assess his own initial thoughts.

To Kip, Reb's timid approach -hanging back and staying within a pace of Alice -almost resembled that of a bashful golden retriever. One that had been beaten a time too many, and consequently tread fearfully around new people and stuck closely by the side of anyone vaguely familiar who so far had appeared safe. But also one that would become inseparably loyal to anyone well known and trusted. 

It appeared Reb wasn't warmed up to Alice either, not knowing him but so well and standing nervously even by him. But he had encountered him before and trusted him as somebody who was "safe" by his choice to stay closer to him. Kip, being completely unfamiliar to Reb, wasn't one to be trusted yet.

Something told him it would be at least a few days before Reb would trust him enough to sit down, plug in, and really get into assessing his mentioned troubles with composing hands-on. Hopefully, it wouldn't be too difficult or long getting started.

"Not really sure where to start," Reb finally said. 

You know, I've been _told_ what you were seeking help with," started Kip, sounding skeptical. "But what's I've noticed is things can get distorted when it's passed on person to person, so if you feel alright with it, how about you tell me for yourself as a start? That way I know for sure."

Despite being far from comfortable telling Kip, Reb decided to be honest -if brutally honest. If Kip wanted to know where he stood, he might as well know everything about it. Maybe it would even prevent Kip from overlooking the whole case in his extreme confidence that Reb lacked. It seemed unlikely though. Kip seemed pretty full of himself just by the way he'd asked that question in that he was prepared for anything.

"Well, honestly, I was hoping to figure it out for myself, and I'm pretty sure that given the chance, I _could_ ," said Reb semi-bitterly. "But since I mentioned it next door, somebody took it upon themselves to request help for me, and they said I should see you. Since you'd already been told, I guess I might as well whether I need it or not. And, somebody in my family may or may not have made it an order."

Kip remained stoic and with a confident stance. The slight rise of his eyebrows and voice pitch was the only sign that he was taken aback by Reb's words.

"I'm not going to force it on you if you don't want to. If you say you can figure it out on your own, I'll take your word for it. But if you are willing to try some things with me, I can try to help you get there. Maybe _faster_ than you could alone. Are you in or not?"

Reb groaned inwardly. A bit cocky as he'd thought. He'd hit a nerve, and Kip had retaliated by hitting one of his too. His chest was beginning to tighten with anxiety anticipating how difficult it could possibly become if Kip was like that all the time.

"Sure."

_Not like I have much of a choice anyways when everyone's expecting me to go for it._

"Alright, cool. So, what's the problem?" asked Kip, returning to a more relaxed state and seeming more eager again.

"It's not so much a full fledged problem, just a small weakness."

"You can correct me if this is wrong, but from the broad topic of what I've heard, it has to do with coming up with riffs?"

Reb shook his head. "Oh, I have no problem coming up with riffs. I like to think of that being my strongest point. Give me a guitar now, and I could easily give you _ten."_

"Alright, that's fine -I'll believe that too, but I'll let you have that chance later out of curiosity if you want," said Kip, backing off. "I guess things did get mixed up passing it along for sure then. So you can come up with a lot of riffs -getting them isn't the problem. Is it variation? Putting them together?"

"I put riffs together with every session when others have come up with them without a problem. I know how to put riffs together," Reb insisted. "I could put more of mine together if I didn't lose track of them."

"So basically, you come up with the riffs and then forget them all before you can do anything with them?"

Reb sucked in air through his teeth and held up a hand, shaking it side to side. Kip had hit the nail on the head, but that didn't make it any easier to be reminded of what he'd just been nagged about for the hundredth time the other morning.

"Kind of. I remember some of them, but a lot less than I lose, and sometimes-"

Whether it was the sheer volume -which seemed louder than normal, or being nervous and therefore jumpier than usual, Reb's train of thought shattered when the blasting, high pitched bell of a phone ringing echoed down the hall. His sentence cut off, and turned around flinching.

"I'll get it; you stay here," Alice said sternly. He started to step out in the hall, then stopped as the ringing cut off before it could fully unleash its second eardrum assault. "Or, Kane can get it for us, since he's already got it."

"Alice, that's the studio space next door," called Kane Roberts down the hall. "Change of plans, they say they're gonna need Reb back over there in fifteen, and quote-on-quote, 'that's an order, not a request'."

Reb gulped, feeling dread building up internally.

_If that's not for me to record on the next track early, I wonder what the heck I did to piss off someone over there this time...?_

"Well, I guess you won't be staying here much longer today after all, Reb," Alice said matter-of-factly. "But when you have time throughout the week -and you can talk to Kip about when would be best -you're welcome to come in and out of our side of the studio facilities as you please."

"Okay, thank you," said Reb, becoming more disconcerted. Not only was he nervous, but rapidly getting different directions as to where he was going and what he was doing was starting to overwhelm him.

Another voice came down the hall.

"Alice? I'm can't remember what was the final track you decided on -a little help in here?"

Alice closed his eyes in a way that said _'oh, not again,'_ and turned on his heels toward the door.

"I am in the mixing room if either of you need me." With those words, he sauntered out of the room.

Kip took charge immediately -Reb couldn't tell if it was just for time's sake or if Kip could sense his confusion. He hoped it was the former -that Kip could see right through him was kind of embarrassing.

"You can tell me more later. Let's just decide when we can get back together, because you have to get out of here, and we're about to finish this one song track, so it's back and forth making final edits to it and trying to fish out which take did we decide on for final -I'm new along with a bunch of us, so Alice kind of puts it as we're not all settled into a system yet."

Reb nodded. "Is there any time that's more likely to be open here for you?"

"I usually record in the morning," Kip started. "Like between 9:00 and noon. It varies. But right now, I have all my tracks recorded, and it's dependent on seeing what everyone else does and going back and making edits and elaborating to better fit their changes, so right now it's all over the place and in the afternoon more often -especially this week. But I have to get out of here by 5:00 to get to work, so that's the end of the day here. When do you have times that are open? -Maybe I can figure out with Alice so that he'll give me a more consistent window that I'm free."

"I'm usually recording between 2:00 and 5:00, but not today apparently, since I'm getting called over before 12:30," Reb sighed.

"So I'm thinking I'll ask Alice to shift to the afternoon -which where we are in the process -like I said, it's not as hard to do, and that'll be more consistent between us. I get here at 9:30 at the latest every day, so I guess later in the morning would work best."

Reb nodded briskly. "Maybe sometime between 10:30 and 11:00 o'clock? No earlier than 10:00, preferably -I'm not always the fastest getting out on the road in the morning.

He noticed Kip gave a subtle, forceful exhale like he wanted to laugh and was holding it in.

"I'll be lenient depending on the day and say 10:30, but no later than 11:00 unless something comes up. Because if Alice wants me to get back in earlier, we probably need at least an hour to get anywhere, and he could call me into the studio depending on what happens as early as noon if I ask for the morning clear."

"I guess that's alright," said Reb, shrugging. "Still unclear, but I'll shoot for that time tomorrow."

"It's not set in stone." Kip looked up at the wall clock. "That'll work initially, and if we come up with something better, we can change that -but I think for now you'd better get over next door."

Reb looked over to the clock too. Five minutes out of fifteen left to get back down the hall to the other side of the studio. He nodded, then turned to the door.

"Well, see ya," said Kip.

Reb was already making a mad dash down the hall, wondering how things were going to turn out.

He arrived the next day at 10:45 to find out. He wasn't able to tell if not getting there at 10:30 had been more the result of dragging his feet leaving home due to nerves, or getting stuck at twice the number of traffic lights he usually got caught by.

Kip was waiting for him in the lounge when he came in. To Reb's relief, Kip didn't dig about him being slightly late -and he had gotten there before the late limit of 11:00 -but simply welcomed Reb into the space and got straight back to where they'd left off as soon as Reb was settled in.

"Something tells me you're still not entirely sure about this, so if you want to go slow, that works," offered Kip. "Seems we're already starting off slow with yesterday -I'm hoping we won't get interrupted today, but we'll see."

Reb shrugged as he sat down in one of the chairs at the table in the lounge. "Fine with me."

"We do have to do something productive, at least continuing what we talked about the other day to figure out how to work through this efficiently. But maybe we should start with something else, because I could be wrong, but I get the feeling it's a sensitive topic."

Reb felt his cheeks grow hot. It was embarrassing to only have it confirmed that Kip was aware that he wasn't feeling self-conscious about his so-called problems, and whether Kip was trying to or not, Reb felt his way of considering it was rubbing it in his face. And he didn't like to think of it as a sensitive topic. It wasn't that he couldn't work with riffs and produce them.

"Maybe it is, or maybe it's just frustrating," he said. "I don't know."

"How 'bout you tell me about yourself first, and then we can get back to that? Musical background and such -and maybe that'll shine some light on how things work for you too?"

"I have done a number of things -that I can say," started Reb, trying to appear confident where he could thoroughly back himself up.

Kip shifted to sit up more. "Too many to list off? Tell me one thing -or maybe two or three -that's more significant than everything else. What have you done that you really feel was important to you?

"Musical College was a big one."

"That's nice," remarked Kip rather flatly, almost as though he wasn't very interested in hearing it. "Which one did you go to?"

"Berklee," said Reb proudly. This was something he didn't mind talking about at all. He looked up to the ceiling nostalgically. 

"Managed to be considered the top student several times across a few semesters the time I was there. I had a lot of professors rooting for me too, and telling me that I'd go far and that they hadn't seen anyone like me in a while. Now I'm just trying to figure out when will I actually go as far as they said. The sessions are fun, but I'm in for something bigger than that, like getting into a touring band."

"Congratulations on that," said Kip. Reb noticed he still seemed rather disinterested by his barely changing expression and voice pitch.

"What do you have going for you?" asked Reb. "What was your most important thing?"

Kip looked up in thought.

"I guess I have a bunch of things scattered about too. I did start with piano when I was six -which I think really gave me a broad-spectrum view of the musical range and how things spread out, then switched to focus on bass when I was seven. Lot of years of lessons -which taught me how to read music and the main level of music theory, and I did that for years on end -always made time for it and I really pushed to focus on the theory and composing side that I could get out of it. Looking for the patterns, how chords connect to each other and such."

"So if you have all these composing skills and know the upper level of music theory, how'd you get that?" asked Reb.

"Anything I didn't get out of those lessons was all self-trained," said Kip. "Sometimes it was a matter of looking at chord progressions and structures I hadn't been taught and trying to figure out what is was and why they worked. I went after a few private composition lessons and asked a lot of questions -nothing wrong with being that kid if you're at least getting answers for a good reason. I spent a lot of time in the library too -looking things up when I could and seeing what they had on music theory reference. Sometimes it's just as good to look it up on your own accord and study it for yourself. Even better if you're passionate about it, because you'll be motivated to look further. I think that's how I really knew in time what was right for me and where I should go musically. At least in my case, I feel like it was better than going through a whole bunch of courses for what I could figure out on my own."

Reb squinted, feeling more like rolling his eyes on the inside and resisting it. Was Kip trying to imply that he was better because he had figured out most of the theory on his own, or that he'd self-trained?

"Did you ever consider it?"

"Maybe at a point -and mainly because everyone was saying how great it is to have credentials and all that stuff. And those have meaning, but you know -just because you don't have the credentials for it doesn't mean you aren't solid in ability. I could have done it, but I don't need it," said Kip. "I think I did pretty good ending up with Alice, and by the sounds of it, I'll be going with him on tour too -which is another thing that's more important to me."

There it was again -even stronger. Kip was coming off as stuck-up now.

"Well I think it was worth it, and I know by what I did there that I'm more than prepared now," Reb said sharply.

Kip shrugged. "To each there own. Maybe it was right for you -probably was if nothing else for the sake of positive feedback." He decided to change the subject, noticing that Reb's tone was getting heated. "Getting into what you described yesterday, do you remember any strategies they might have told you there you think would help you? We can start there and build off if you like using what you got from Berklee. Sounds like that's where you'd be most comfortable starting."

Reb sighed deeply to calm himself and change topics too, not sure if he really felt like going any further today with Kip.

"The one thing that has worked on occasion and for some of it is just playing it repetitively as soon as possible. But you know how I said I tend to come up with a whole bunch of riffs at once -so I can't just repetitively play one without losing the others, and playing them all at once sometimes means I lose the ones I get to last. And if I'm not at home or with the guitar with me at that split second, they're all mixed together or forgotten by the time I get to it. Maybe I'll remember a small part of one riff out of four I came up with."

"Ouch." Kip's tone was joking, but the traces of a cringe showed in his eyes. "How many riffs do you think you forget in a regular time span?"

Reb looked at Kip critically. "Why is that relevant?"

"I'm trying to get a better idea of what it's like for you so I can understand where to go with this better. You don't have to tell me if that's sensitive to you, but I'm saying-"

"I don't know," Reb groaned. "If I came up with fifty riffs in a week, I'd forget roughly -I'd say forty to forty-five of them. And I'd be damned to figure out what to do with the other five in a week, and then they'd fade away too. If I had some of the riffs I had forgotten right away in every case, I know I could have pieced some of them together and they'd have been perfect."

Kip held up a finger in a way that suggested he had a lightbulb weakly flickering on inside him.

"I'll start by suggesting the easiest possibility -if you haven't tried it before. With the ones you remember parts of, have you ever tried just chord-scatting and playing at random around what you have and seeing if the rest comes back to you?"

Reb nodded. "Sometimes I get bits and pieces, but they're still never exactly the same. More often than not I just throw it away at that point, because I know the original one was the best I had. I don't want the altered one that's been crammed back together out of order -I want the one I had."

Kip stayed silent for a second again, thinking.

"I'm trying to think of the best way to go through with suggestions -what order to try in, and what might work for you sooner to make this easy as possible for both of us."

 _For someone so confident in himself and stuck up, he seems to be stalling a lot_ , thought Reb darkly.

Kip perked up, sitting up straight in his seat so that he subtly bounced as he settled. "Maybe if-!"

At that moment, Paul stuck his head in the doorway.

"Hey, Kip? Ken is recording drum lines, and Alice says we need you in the recording section of the studio as soon as possible."

"Does it _have_ to be right now?" asked Kip, sounding only slightly exasperated, and still with the most emotion in his voice Reb had heard all day. It was as close to a whine as it seemed possible for his flat tone to form -which fit with the look of dismay that replaced the one of excitement on his face. However, Kip flinched as soon as he said it and continued hastily.

"I'm sorry, Paul, I'm not arguing if it does. If it does, I'm on my way. But if it _can_ wait -even half an hour to make it to 11:30 would be helpful -because I'm working with-"

"Hold on a second, I can ask, because it wasn't the schedule we planned on -but I think the reason Alice asked for you, Kip, is because Ken knew you wanted to change your line on the bridge, and if that's going to make him have to adjust the drum line, he needs to know what you're doing before he records so he doesn't -"

"Just go," said Reb bluntly. "It's more _important_ to you than _this_ , and I probably have things to do too next door anyway."

"Are you sure? Because Paul said he can ask, and there's a chance-"

"It's fine; I'm leaving now. _Go."_ Reb got up and picked up his guitar bag, exiting the room briskly.

Kip shrugged and got up, looking puzzled before turning to Paul. 

"I guess I can do it now then, Paul. I'm sorry about that."

"Everything alright? He sounded a little snide there."

"Well, Reb's pretty reserved, so I figured I'd try to get him to come out of his shell by having him talk about what he's done," Kip started, shaking off his confusion with Reb's exit.

"Anything interesting?" asked Paul, looking over curiously.

Kip looked troubled.

"I could be imagining it -he might be vain about the recognition he got in school -which is understandable, but I can't tell if he's letting it affect his willingness to actually accept what he's here for. He's very defensive any time you say something suggesting he's having trouble with something and quick to say it's not as bad as you make it sound and he can do whatever. I wasn't trying to down talk him or anything -who knows what he thought. Looks like he's got a good-sized ego in him. Or maybe he's upset with something else -but I don't know what I ever did to him between twenty minutes yesterday and barely fifteen today."

"I guess if he shows up tomorrow or the next day, it's not anything serious to worry about," suggested Paul. "He might now be so much upset with you as he is with everyone else. You mentioned that yesterday that he felt kind of forced -and that could just be coming out on you. Not that that's fair, but it can happen."

"I don't plan to get too worried about it. If he does get defensive, then I guess I'll kind of work around it and deal with it based on what he decides to do." Kip shook his head. "It's affecting him in the end, so if he wants to go a certain way, I'll go along with it. I'm not getting into a fight with him over it -it's not worth the trouble and drama to do that."

"That's no fun either," agreed Paul. "Well, recording is fun, so now you have more time to focus on that today, and then time will tell."

"Taking it day by day. He's not going to be in tomorrow based on their schedule next door, but maybe the day after will be better when he comes back in."

Next door, Reb was only hoping the same thing as Kip.


	2. The Day From Hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A week and a half into working with Kip, Reb has a day from hell that starts out bad and only gets worse as it turns into a day from hell for both of them.

Reb woke up to his alarm with that automatic feeling in his gut saying that it wasn't going to be a good day. He didn't know why, but whenever he got that feeling, more often than not, it told him right.

It was a Monday morning, dreary and cold outside. Reb could tell, because as he was waking up at 9:30, it was still dark outside the window with the dark grey booming cloud look of stormy weather, and emerging out from under his covers, Reb could feel that the weak, old radiator was struggling a bit to keep up. Of course, it was only set on its mid-level, but running it on high could run the energy bill up to where it was difficult to manage, and Reb only did that when it was so cold that he absolutely had to.

At least it would be warm in the studio. That was one silver lining to going in extra early to work with Kip on a day like this. This wasn't a day he had to go in to work on his own session, so he might not have been able to go there otherwise.

A week and a half had now passed since his first meeting with Kip, and eight meet ups including the first two short ones. Reb still wasn't entirely sure what to think. Things had gotten slightly better since the first two times, but he still didn't feel very comfortable with Kip, nor had he gotten used to Kip's personality.

Some good had happened though. The third and fourth time, following the break day between the first two times, had been fun for Reb. Fun enough that it barely registered to him that he was there with Kip.

Both times were an hour of nothing but him getting to jam up on his guitar with whatever riffs and licks came to him. Guitar in hand and plugged in, Reb felt comfortable to come completely out of his shell, and it was the one time he felt that Kip wasn't reading through his lack of confidence and possibly judging or playing off of it. He was aware that he was, but not so much intentionally as just out of the ecstasy of playing, tossing his head back as he played, with the lightest smirk of satisfaction.

The whole time Reb played, Kip had been taking notes. About what, Reb didn't know, but he knew it had to do with what he'd played. Kip had been writing down recognizable chord progressions and patterns, analyzing Reb's composition and improv style. The object of it was to see what Reb could retain later. Following the hour, Kip had asked Reb to go back to the parts he'd played that he liked best, and to choose those to repeat. Most of what Reb picked was from the second half hour, but he had managed to retain a few of the riffs from the beginning.

Kip had highlighted those that Reb had repeated over a few times, and noting a few alternate ways that Reb played them when he repeated and opted to make changes. Because they'd done this two days in a row, the fourth day had been an entirely different set of riffs from a different jam, and a much different sound produced from each of the sequences Reb chose in the end.

"Well, you weren't kidding when you said you could come up with a whole bunch of riffs at once. That definitely wasn't the problem," Kip had remarked at the end of the fourth day.

"Whoever twisted that one around getting it to you, I don't know what they were thinking if they were on my side of the studio," Reb retorted, shaking his head. "It's not a problem and it's never been a problem when I can come up with the number of riffs that some do over the course of several days in an hour."

"Hey, I'm not denying it." Kip deflected Reb's defensiveness, before continuing on to prep Reb for what to expect on the fifth day.

"So you said you kept on repeating last night the best of what you played yesterday, and tonight you repeat the best of what you played today. Tomorrow, I'm thinking we see if there's a way to jog your memory with your playing from yesterday. If you still remember what you had at the end, we might already be onto something, if not, we'll see what you can remember and if there's a way to bring it back."

Reb already had a feeling of dread leaving the fourth session that he'd already lost a good deal of what he'd played at the third that he'd selected. Going over it that night before going back over what he'd done that day, he confirmed his fear.

It had stayed that way during the sessions. Reb had managed to get a few back with Kip, but some, as usual, weren't the same. A lot of the ones that Kip at least said came back the same didn't feel the same as before, missing what belonged around them.

"It's the same riff, Reb -and it's a good one. I don't see a problem with it or why you're so upset about it. There's nothing wrong with it. You could improvise and write around what you remember, and for all you know, you might end up liking it better," Kip had tried suggesting as one thing Reb could do when caught in those cases.

"It's not the same because it doesn't have what belonged around it," Reb had insisted.

So from that point on, the focus had been shifted on trying to work around what Reb could remember and bringing back what he could if he forced it to trying to prevent him from forgetting in the first place. That took a lot more complicated measures, which had been why Kip had chosen to start with recovery options.

Everything after the fifth and sixth sessions alongside shifting to the new focus had been downhill and leading back to the start. Today was to be Reb's ninth day in with Kip, and he part of him had to wonder if the downward trend was what was telling him today would be bad -possibly worse than the second meeting. It seemed every method Kip had mentioned were things that Reb had already tried, or things he just knew in his gut didn't work. Most of which, he refused to try with Kip. He felt annoyed when Kip kept asking 'why' -Reb knew better than Kip what worked and what didn't for him.

Another thing telling him that things would be bad was that Kip had warned he'd already suggested the most simple ideas, and the ones he was going to move into next were a little more complex and required more effort on Reb's part.

The first thing to tell Reb _for sure_ that it was going to be a bad day was when he knocked over his mug of coffee that he'd barely gotten three good swigs out of, let alone had enough to warm himself up. Technically, that was his own fault and he knew it -he'd set it closer to the edge of the table than he should have, and with one swift move of his arm reaching for his guitar pick on the other side of the table, it went down on the floor, sending pieces of thin, cheap porcelain and the contents everywhere. 

Watered-down, already lukewarm coffee splattered halfway across the room. On the floor amongst the broken pieces of the mug, up on the chair and table legs, and on the nearby wall.

"Oh, for pity's sake - _fuck!"_

Reb jumped up and back so fast he knocked over his chair. He'd gotten back just in time to avoid the splash, then groaned as he went to dampen a dish towel in the sink. Watching for the sharp bits scattered about, Reb attempted to wipe up the mess of dark, bitter liquid. _How could it have even splashed that high?_ On the wall near where Reb had been sitting, it was almost up to the ceiling!

Carefully, after cleaning the wall and chair, he picked up the large pieces of porcelain and dumped them in the trash can before rinsing out the wet cloth and using it again to scoop up the smaller bits he'd be likely to cut himself on trying to pick up. He shook it out in the trash can before placing the cloth back in the sink. Reb would have to rinse it out thoroughly later to get any remaining shards out, which he hoped wouldn't end up clogging the drain, but he wasn't in the mood to deal with it now. It could wait.

_Well, so much for having a calm morning..._ Reb decided he would just leave for the studio a few minutes early now that he had no reason to really hang around aside from staying in the cold. He had ten minutes before he had to start making his way out the door, but it wouldn't hurt to get to the studio early. Though he wasn't necessarily sure he felt like working with Kip today and he didn't think he was set to record either, showing up early might make his manager a little more willing to get him in to record his parts sooner.

Then, the phone rang. Most of Reb's musical co-workers knew that Reb was unlikely to answer the phone before the evening in studio days, and wasn't likely to answer the phone before 10:00 in the morning in general. The only time he would get phone calls any earlier was if it was an emergency, or if it was from home. And it was a lot more likely to be from home.

_Leave early? Or not!_ A call from home meant he was probably going to be stuck on the line for at least fifteen minutes if he was lucky.

"Hello?" asked Reb cautiously as he picked it up.

"Definitely seems like you're not getting yourself out the door as eagerly as I would hope you were, given you're meeting with Kip Winger in the morning, Reb," said a low voice. His father.

Reb's eyebrows furrowed with annoyance. It wasn't that he hadn't expected a remark like that with who it was, but for it to be the first words out and first thing in the morning, it felt a bit obnoxious -like he was under attack.

"I don't have to be there until 10:30 at the earliest. That's the time Kip and I agreed on. It's just before 10:00 now, and I was actually getting ready to leave," he retorted.

"Doesn't the studio open at _9:00?"_

"Sometimes it opens at 8:00," Reb explained. "But nobody who actually records is there until 9:00 -it's more of a time for engineers and any producers brought in to have discussion if chosen, or assess how mixing might go."

"And what time does Kip get there," demanded his father.

"Kip says he sometimes gets there at 9:00, and sometimes he doesn't get there until noon. Obviously, right now he's not getting there any later than 10:30 if he's planning on working with me, but-"

"Do you have his phone number?"

Reb gave a world class 'why the hell are you asking me that question?' look as if he were visible on the other end.

_"No,_ why?"

"I think you need to be calling him and figuring out when he's coming in so you can be there earlier. Or, you need to show up earlier than the last minute to act like you might be eager to get out of the rut you've been lodged in for Christ knows how long-"

Reb huffed. "Look, we agreed on a time, and I don't want to show up earlier than him and be stuck-"

That was when Reb's father decided to make a revelation to him that annoyed Reb almost as much as it had when he'd forced everything on him before he was ready to make a decision for himself.

"You know, Reb, I was curious to see just what kind of musical chops were on deck trying to deal with you, and by chance, I was able to call up Fiona's manager and get transferred over to Alice's side, because I wanted to hear a bit about Kip and just what kind of an opportunity you might have in this. That was yesterday afternoon after you apparently went home early-"

"I had my work done for Fiona early and she told me I could go home, and I did! There was nothing wrong with that."

"-well, you could have called Alice and seen if you could have stopped lying around and wasting time, because Kip was also finished for the day, and he put Kip on the line with me and we had a good and long conversation."

_Oh, lord help me,_ Reb groaned inwardly.

"From his end, it sounds like he's putting a lot more effort into this than you are, Reb. If you could be that dedicated, I'd bet you wouldn't be stuck, but you've got a case of inertia. Maybe you just don't want to be a musician after all -in which case you'd better start figuring out what you're going to do or sucking it up and working at it anyway. I think Kip wants it more than you do."

"I _am_ dedicated, and I _do_ want it," Reb insisted angrily. "I do want to be in the music field. Working with Kip, not necessarily from what I think of him so far. But I am getting to him every day het here and working with him. I don't want to do everything with that part, but I'm doing it anyway in hopes something will work even when it's starting to feel hopeless that he'll come up with something I have already tried -it's not like I'm not trying."

Reb heard a strange, faint noise on the other end, something like a wheeze. It took him a few seconds to realize what it was, and when he did, he felt like somebody had poked a hot wire into his stomach and electrocuted him. His face fell from a tense glare to a look of complete devastation.

"Oh my goodness... You -you're _laughing_ at me," stated Reb in disbelief. He heard the pitch of his voice go up a near octave as he felt his throat tighten and his stomach twist.

"I don't get what your problem is, Reb."

Reb pulled the phone down away from his mouth. "You're laughing at me," he repeated quietly as the twisting of his stomach spread up to his chest. Taking a deep breath, he lifted the phone back up to speak again.

"I can't deal with -I'm just -I don't know if I feel like it's the right thing for me."

"You don't know that, Reb. Stop it with the stupid talk. Stick with that boy -he's a shark, and you're Bambi with a penis!"

Reb recoiled sharply, jerking the phone down again, not sure if he'd gotten it down in time to not catch the big, loud gasp he emitted. He felt heat spreading across his cheeks and his forehead and neck becoming damp under his hair. Suddenly, he felt as though he was struggling to breathe, pulling in smaller, quick, shallow and heaving gasps. Despite holding the phone half an arm's length away from himself, he could still hear his father quite loudly. The apartment seemed eerily silent aside from the phone speaker and the pounding rush of blood through Reb's head.

"You're not saying anything back to me right now because you don't like hearing things you don't want to. But that's just how it is. Kip is a go-getter, and he doesn't care if the hurdle in front of him is ten feet over his head -he'd climb it if he couldn't jump it. I can tell he's the type who prefers the hardest challenges possible. You, Reb? You act like there's nothing you can do when something doesn't work the way you want, and you try to run away from it. Because you don't want to try anything different -you cower from it, and you land yourself stuck where you are every time. Look at yourself right now. Here you are stuck again, and you're scared of Kip because he's not afraid of what you are. I ought to tell you to move in with him if he were up to it so he'd teach you a thing or two."

He was practically yelling through the phone. 

Reb couldn't stand it. Without a word, he shakily lifted the phone back up and thrust it back onto the hook on the wall, glancing over to the clock, which now showed he was late to leave. It was already after 10:30. So much for leaving early. Anxiously, Reb shifted his glance from the clock to out the window.

Raining. Hard. There appeared to be a good amount of slush in it too. _Gross._

"This is fucking _stupid,"_ Reb whimpered bitterly to himself, still shaking with disbelief. The conditions meant he was going to have to reduce his speed, and he would have a hard time making it by 11:00. If Kip was going to dig about why Reb was late, he was going to blow a fuse.

Swiftly, he turned around and snatched his coat and keys off the hook by the door while he still had some remaining motivation to go to the studio, and slammed out of the apartment. The cold air shocked painfully against his flushed, clammy skin, and his heart continued to pound in his throat as he descended the slippery exterior stairs with a death grip on the rails.

When he got down the stairs safely and out to his car in the parking lot, Reb was grateful to find the slush wasn't frozen to the windshield and he could simply flick it off with the side of his glove rather than having to scrape with whatever he could find that would get through ice. The only downside to it meant that his gloves soaked through and the slush froze his fingers, but it was better than not being able to get the windshield cleared at all. Reb figured that maybe luck was at least on his side in some ways to counterbalance everything else -that was, until as he finished clearing the windshields and pivoted around on his feet to head back to his door, he slid on a harder patch of slush and went down hard on the cold, wet ground.

_Oh, of course. Because that just makes perfect sense_. Two flights down wet metal stairs with open slats without the slightest misstep, only to slip and land on a flat surface with roughed-up pavement designed to provide more traction.

As Reb climbed up from the ground and sat down in his car, pulling off his wet gloves and rubbing some blood back into his frigid fingers, he felt his throat constrict more. His stomach lurched again, forcing a strained squeak out that was somewhere between a hiccup and a sob and hoped that another one didn't follow, because he felt like he would be sick if one did.

Turning the key in the ignition, hearing the cough and sputter of a cold, stalling engine and feeling his eyes burn, Reb had to wonder if he'd have preferred throwing up now that he was all but ready to burst into tears. There was a part of him that wanted to go back up to his apartment, crawl into bed, and pretend the whole morning was just a bad dream, then go back to sleep. But he'd be damned to have made it all the way down there and done everything only to not make it out of the parking lot. Swiping at his eyes with the edge of his coat sleeves, Reb bit back the hyperventilating as it began to shift into an irregular rhythm. Though he had enough control to keep himself from getting worked up into a panicked frenzy most of the time, it was hell whenever he couldn't prevent it. Not only could he not control it to keep it from happening, but he always felt like he'd lost control of everything else.

"Damn it! Calm down," he whispered to nobody, lifting his hands off the wheel of his car and trying to stop them from shaking -out of fear, anger, or whatever the heck it was he was feeling that he couldn't sort out. After a few seconds to somewhat collect himself, Reb tried the ignition again. He could have passed out with relief when the engine started this time.

The threat of tears was gone within seconds of starting the car successfully and getting rolling down the road, but the pounding in Reb's heart and the twisting of his stomach continued on well after he got to the studio.

_Let this go over alright today_ , he pleaded internally before going inside the building.

Reb hoped with all his heart that Kip wouldn't be the way he'd seemed at first meeting -and where he'd been headed back to across the past few meetings. He hoped that Kip would be understanding, supportive, and possibly kind too.

Heaven knew he didn't have any of those things back at home. At least not now.

As soon as he got in the doors, he found Kip hanging around in the hallway just on the other side of the mudroom, next to the wall where a clock hung -reading 11:05. Kip looked over as the door opened with a protesting squeak of its hinges.

Reb winced at the noise, shivering as he peeled his coat off.

"You're running a little late this morning," Kip remarked with a hint of sarcasm -a lighter form that seemed to be poking fun. To Reb, Kip's joking wasn't funny at all after the past hour, and he wasn't having any of it.

"Yeah, thanks for telling me what I already know. I had an unexpected hold up before leaving home this morning, and no -I don't feel like explaining it either," he replied caustically, aggressively scraping the wet bottoms of his boots on the mat. Reb combed his half-numb and chilled fingers through his hair. The locks toward the front hadn't been completely shielded by his coat hood with the wind whipping the rain sideways, and were wet and sticking to his forehead and temples. Once he pushed them back, he exhaled against his hands and rubbed them together.

Kip backed up against the wall on the other side of the mudroom door, continuing to watch around the doorway as Reb shook off the elements. He looked mildly perplexed at Reb's response, and only stepped forward away from the wall when Reb turned around to face the doorway coming in, apparently finished drying off. Or, in reality, when Reb decided he was as dry as he was going to get. He wasn't visibly wet from falling down, but the backs of his legs were cold where his jeans were still damp.

"Are you ready, Reb?" Kip asked.

Reb stopped short, starting to feel dizzy like he had back at home again. He really didn't feel ready. How was he supposed to be ready if he still felt nervous being there with Kip -even more so following this morning's phone call? How was he supposed be ready to do something he wasn't comfortable with and didn't really want to, especially after getting scolded because he wasn't good enough for his own father and Kip was?

Kip tilted his head slightly and squinted. "Reb? Are you okay?"

Kip looked at Reb with a look he couldn't fully identify, but it was questioning in a pretty intense way. Reb felt his stomach twisting up worse.

_"Reb?"_

_'Are you okay?' Translation: What's the matter with you?_

"Oh -I'm alright," said Reb.

Reb blinked, having been starting to zone out. He was feeling out of it after his panic attack whilst leaving home, but he didn't feel like telling that to Kip, whom Reb was quite sure would dig for the reason why if he admitted he wasn't feeling well. And he definitely wasn't ready to repeat what his father had told him even if he had wanted to -which he certainly didn't.

"You _sure?"_ asked Kip. "You look ...I don't mean it in that way as an insult, but you're not looking so good. You're pale and you look spaced out -I could be imagining it, but if you're not feeling well- Do you need to get something hot to drink, or go to the bathroom and splash some water on your face? Or is there anything else here I can get for you?"

_Oh, great. Now I at least know for sure I look like I was afraid I did..._

"No, I'll be okay," Reb said curtly, briskly rubbing his hands together to warm them up and picking at his fingers as a nervous habit. At least it wasn't a pointless, nervous motion like it was most of the time given his hands were still cold.

"How about you at least go to the sink and run some warm water over your hands? I can tell you're freezing."

Reb sighed huffily. "I said I'm fine, Kip!"

"Alright..." Kip sounded a bit skeptical. He looked skeptical too -finger on his upper lip, expression still slightly suspicious and critical. "How about we start for today then? If you're okay with that aside from everything else?"

"Sure," Reb murmured, pulling his guitar out of its waterproof bag -it was probably drier than he was -and strapping it on, leaving the bag in the mud room so its outside could dry off rather than drip through the hallway. He only took a couple of picks and a cord he could use to plug it into one of the extra amps in the smaller practice lounge he and Kip had been working in.

As Reb had feared, Kip picked right up where they'd stopped, and continued asking about things that didn't work.

"Speaking out what I'm playing as I go over it doesn't help either," said Reb in response to Kip's current suggestion. "I've tried it, and it just doesn't do it for me."

"Let me ask you this, because I don't think I have," Kip suggested. "When you're playing or thinking up a riff, do you think of the chords and notes in terms of music theory and technical terms, or do you think of them in terms of the frets and relative to each other on the guitar?"

Reb didn't even have to pause to process his answer, having done it many times.

"Usually the fret numbers and in terms of tab," he fired. "Especially if I don't have the guitar on me, because I want to see in my head where it is on the guitar -and then when I have it, it comes naturally to think of where it is."

"Do you ever think of it in terms of the scales and degree numbers, or the technical chord types? Dominant, augmented, diminished, and such? Or tried thinking of it in those terms after doing it in tab?"

Shrugging, Reb tried to formulate his response.

"I have tried that a few times too -not as much. It's tedious to do that and I don't like it. If it doesn't help, I'm not going to waste the time trying it."

"I did mention that we are getting into more methods of the type," Kip warned. "Unless we go back and try the others again, it's going to be that way."

"I heard you the first time too," Reb said, starting to get annoyed. "But I feel like I just end up doing the same thing twice, only in a different way. Maybe repetition is good, but it still doesn't do much for me. Because I still forget a lot of it with the chords in the riff."

"Can you put your finger on why that doesn't work for you? I have a couple of ideas, but you might know it more accurately-"

"It doesn't work for me," Reb insisted sternly, not caring to elaborate. "I did it, and I still couldn't remember the chords and notes in order later. They mixed together and wouldn't come in order."

Kip frowned. "If you can't remember the order of those chords, why don't you try writing them down when you come up with them? You know, have a notepad and a couple of pens you keep with you, and then just write down the chord and note names so you don't forget it before you can try it out? Maybe that might make it work, and that was another thing I was going to suggest anyway -you could write it in tab terms too if you prefer that."

Reb rolled his eyes. "That's even more tedious. Too much to keep track of."

"You don't _have_ to try it if you don't want. I'm just saying it's another way to keep from forgetting until you have a chance to play it through and memorize it if you really can't get the chords and the sound alone to stay with you" Kip shrugged. "Trying to memorize everything off the bat is a lot to keep track of too -I know I can't always do it."

Reb looked over, verging on a glare. 

"I'm not you, Kip."

"It's not hard for me to tell," Kip quipped, trying to inject a bit of humor into it. He watched Reb's eyes blaze, realizing Reb hadn't taken that as he'd intended. "And I don't mean that in a bad way -you have a way that works for you, but we haven't figured it out yet."

Reb snorted. "You seem to be more focused on what you know works for you than me if that's what we're really looking for."

"Reb, I can only suggest tried and true methods without more information from you. Why doesn't it work for you to write things down? Is it something that you just don't want to try -in which case why? -or is it something like what we talked about yesterday where you've tried it and it doesn't work?"

"It doesn't work for me," Reb insisted.

"Can you tell me _why?_ I've said that I'd like you to tell me, because then-"

"I don't know why 'it doesn't work for me' isn't good enough for you, Kip," Reb snapped. "If I say 'it doesn't work', it doesn't work, and there's no need to complicate it and make conflict out of everything."

Kip sighed, crossing his arms. 

Reb hadn't decoded Kip too well, but he had found out quite easily that Kip almost never crossed his arms unless if he was on guard or starting to lose his patience.

"This isn't worth having a fight over, Reb. I'm not trying to make a fight over this, and I don't want to. There are better things I have to do than go postal over composing technique, and I'm pretty sure you do to. I would at least think you don't want to argue over it either. There are reasons why I keep asking. If you could just hear me out, you'd understand."

"No, I don't want to 'go postal' over it," Reb continued, sarcastically mocking Kip's unusual term and verging on yelling. "But this _is_ driving me crazy -no answer I can give you is good enough, is it? Is it because you think I'm stupid and I don't understand what works and what doesn't for me? That I'm incompetent musically because I can't remember my own riffs as ridiculous as that might seem to you? Or do you just not get what I've said over and over-?"

"Reb, what I really don't get is why you're getting all combative and upset with me like this. I didn't try to imply any of that. All I did was ask you a question you still won't give me a full answer on so that I can help-"

"That's enough." Reb loudly scraped back his chair and stood up, guitar still strapped around him.

"Reb-"

"I said that's enough!"

Kip sighed deeply and attempted to look Reb in the eyes without a word. 

Kip's expression was as vague as his flat accent, and Reb couldn't read it at all. Based on Kip's stance, he imagined there was a bit of impatience to it. A lot, actually.

Kip took in Reb's appearance. Reb was tensed defensively, gripping his hands together and fidgeting his fingers nervously. His jaw was stiffly clenched and his lips were thin and pale as if he was sucking them in against his teeth. And he quickly averted his gaze from Kip. 

Kip startled internally, worried that Reb was winding himself up to start crying -especially when he looked away. Kip didn't want that at all, despite how much Reb was starting to drive him crazy to the point where he had to wonder if he wouldn't eventually spring tears himself if it kept going on for the usual hour and a half they had. So he spoke, softening his tone a bit and trying to not sound frustrated or argumentative.

"Look, Reb, I'm not trying to hurt your feelings here, okay?"

Reb shot a dark glare, then shook his head and turned his back on Kip. He snatched up his guitar and swiftly left the room, sulking. He also let the door fall shut loudly behind him just to emphasize himself.

_He's just so stuck up, and it's like he's trying to say that he's better than me. I hate him!_

Reb wasn't sure what upset him more -the fact that Kip actually was right in pointing out the fact he was losing track of good riffs, thinking of all the good riffs he knew he'd had at one point that he desperately wished he could remember and probably never would, knowing that he was going to go home and sometime in the next couple of days get another call and get scolded again for not trying hard enough, or that he had indeed tried writing things down once, and it just hadn't worked for him. Maybe that worked for Kip -but Reb had trouble remembering his rhythm and phrasing too, which he couldn't write down. It got mixed up, and the presence of the chords and notes weren't enough to pull together what had already escaped him. They just mashed together in a mess when he would go back to it. For that, Reb was jealous of Kip -that what he'd tried had worked for Kip, but not himself.

And Kip seemed unconcerned, like he didn't have a worry in the world. His monotonous tone sounded disinterested, like he almost didn't care about what wasn't working, and it seemed like it, since he kept suggesting what Reb had already tried. That was even more upsetting to Reb, who was so frustrated knowing he had everything to work with and couldn't put it together to save his life. 

_Well, Kip, congrats -you already did hurt my feelings -and now you're only pissing me off. As if I weren't having a bad day already..._

He walked down the hall to the mud room by the door. All Reb wanted to do was go home -until he started to pull his coat off the hook and remembered what had been happening at home when he'd left. 

Going home didn't feel like such a great idea either -at least not any sooner than he had to with the way the weather was. But he couldn't stand being with Kip any longer today either. He'd just have to suck it up and book it out to his car as fast as he could. Once he was inside it would be okay.

Quickly packing his guitar away and getting himself geared up, Reb pushed the door open hard and took off racing full speed into the parking lot halfway to his car -and slowing down with dread when he noticed something didn't look right around the back left of his car. There was a slight slope downward, and it appeared the dark rubber around the wheel was pudging out more than it should have.

"Aw, crap, am I going to have to change a _tire?"_

Reb hesitantly approached the tire that looked off, than gave it a good, hard kick with the toe of his boot. The soft impact and flopping sensation of the loose rubber told him enough. It wasn't the answer Reb wanted either. And there was no way Reb was dealing with it out in this torrential downpour nastiness any sooner than he had to. He hoped that maybe if he waited it out, the rain would settle down, but even if it was worse later, he wasn't in the mood to get soaked when he'd only gotten completely dry in the past hour. It was far too cold to sit in the car with it off, and too expensive to waste gas running the motor to just sit there with the heat on -which left him with only one other option.

Sighing, Reb went back inside the mudroom, lowered himself down to the floor, and sat under the coat rack with his back to the wall, sulking alone in complete silence.


	3. Now What?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In a rare event, Kip is frustrated and can't figure out what to do, or what to make of the situation following Reb's outburst. He turns to Alice Cooper for advice, and Alice offers his encouragement to both Kip and Reb.

Kip stood frozen to the spot for five seconds at a complete loss as to what to say and do as Reb whirled around, sweeping himself and his belongings out the door. It almost felt as if there was a barrier preventing him from going anywhere, delaying any response he could have made spontaneously by instinct.

Then the barrier shattered as Kip flinched with the sound of the door loudly slamming shut and the latch clicking into place. As soon as it did, Kip sprang forward in the direction of the door that Reb had gone through, pulling it open forcefully.

"Reb, wait!"

He couldn't see where Reb had gone. He'd already disappeared either around the corner or too far down the hall for Kip to see. All he got was an empty hallway echoing to return his unheard message.

Kip started to lunge into a mad dash after Reb, then caught himself by his hands on the doorframe and stopped short before he could get up to speed and down the hall.

_No... Better not go there. He obviously left to get away after all that shouting. He doesn't want to be followed._

That, and Kip didn't know how much further Reb would go in a temper burst, and whether it would be dangerous or not to try him. There was a chance Reb would become even more combative -possibly in a physical way. Even if Kip wasn't so afraid of that, Alice would have plenty to say if he provoked a fight -and a full scolding from Alice was devastating. Kip also didn't know if Reb would get the idea that he was coming after him to retaliate. Intimidating Reb wouldn't do any good for his defensiveness anyway.

_Now what?!_

Blowing out a slow, defeated sigh, Kip backed away from the door and walked back in, beginning to pace laps around the room and sinking deep into thought as he tried to sort out what had just happened.

Backtracking through the morning, Kip could have sworn that unless he'd completely lost his senses, Reb came in the door up in a twist with him. Even when he had been trying to be friendly and lighthearted, sensing Reb looked upset about something, Reb had been guarded and argumentative then, refusing it all. Kip had to wonder if Reb truly hated his guts and wanted nothing to do with him at all.

_Not sure what I ever did to him either..._

The thought that Reb was upset about something entirely unrelated and just taking it out on the first available target also crossed Kip's mind. Not that it was entirely reassuring to see it that way. Reb might not have necessarily been mad at something Kip had done to him -which Kip hoped it wasn't all his doing -but it felt unfair for Reb to do that if it was.

Of course, things weren't always fair to begin with, and this was far from the only seemingly unnecessary barrier Kip had faced.

_What's up with Reb anyway?_ he asked himself. Reb had a few peculiar traits to his personality. Maybe those could explain something?

Reb had been standoffish from the start. Kip had chalked it up at first to Reb just being shy -and his mention of feeling like he didn't have a choice. Feeling pressured wouldn't have helped the shyness.

There was something else to it, though. It seemed unlikely that Reb was painfully shy for him to shout and run out as he had. And Reb definitely wasn't shy when he had his guitar plugged in. He'd appeared on top of the world those two days, getting out of his seat and really getting into it with the guitar -posturing, making wild faces while flying over fast riffs, flipping his head back with his eyes closed and a light smile that seemed to say 'just _try_ to copy that' when he held on longer, slower notes, or tapped on adjacent notes so that he didn't have to look at what he was doing.

Whenever Kip asked Reb questions, he seemed to fold in on himself like he was under attack. He was quick to point out what he could do, he seemed to jump to the conclusion that Kip was putting him down, and when Kip had shown his concern that Reb might not have been feeling very well in the morning, he might as well have been a cat shoving itself into the back of a carrier, hissing with all its might at a vet trying to get it out. Reb was definitely touchy about his weaknesses and vulnerabilities. He didn't like to face them -and that was hardly abnormal -but his reactions to it were maybe, in Kip's thoughts, bordering on overkill.

There was still a chance that somebody else had gotten Reb's nerves twisted up, but if that wasn't it, Kip had two likely conclusions based on what he saw:

If Reb wasn't egomaniacal, then he was at least incredibly hypersensitive. Kip wasn't able to decide which of the two would be harder to work with should it be the case.

What Kip couldn't grasp more than anything else was why _he himself_ couldn't help but care so much when Reb seemed to not want to hear a word he had to say. Sure, he'd been asked to try to help Reb, but that didn't mean he necessarily _had_ to. Something inside Kip felt that way despite knowing it. It frustrated him, and Kip felt like that was stupid too, because he wasn't one to get frustrated easily, or this badly whenever he was, and yet he was putting in so much effort on a source of frustration. And what was also turning into drama -which he usually avoided like the plague.

_Why should I even care if he doesn't want to listen? Why am I even trying? It's crazy -he's got everything going for him, and if he'd just cooperate and try a few things to keep himself organized, he'd have nothing holding him back. He's an amazing player. But if he doesn't even want to try anything to help himself and he's only getting mad at me, why am I driven to wasting my time on him anyway? He wants help, but he refuses to hear it from me- and I still feel like I have to do it..._

Kip continued pacing the room. Ten minutes later, of course, he found himself in the same place, still at a loss as to what had just played out. From that, he figured he had better stop and try something else, since it wasn't doing any good for his thoughts or himself to go around in circles and end up straight back where he started. A complete waste of time.

Maybe if he tried talking to someone, he'd get a better idea on what to do, or at least get pointed in the right direction. Alice was always good to talk to, and enjoyed being a mentor figure by the way he encouraged not only Kip, but everyone else Kip was currently working with. Kip had always found Alice easy to approach once he got to know him. 

And Alice was the one whom had directed him to help Reb out. Kip at least didn't think that meant he wasn't allowed to ask for help himself.

He decided resolutely to ask Alice about it, and trudged down the hallway to the mixing room of the studio where he likely was, putting his thoughts of what he'd tried and what hadn't worked in order to explain his conundrum out as he made his way.

Kip realized that he must have been pretty deep in thought, because he made it through the door on autopilot whilst still thinking, not really aware he'd already gotten there, or that Alice saw him.

"Kip?"

Kip flinched, looking up at Alice, then in front of him. One step further, and he'd have tripped into a chair and embarrassed himself.

"What's going on? -Wow, someone must have thrown you down in the dumps big time, because I never thought I'd see a sullen look on you, Kip. That's new to me."

"Well I don't find myself with one very often, so you probably haven't," said Kip with a darker wit than he normally went with.

Alice looked Kip straight in the eyes, tilting his head to the side slightly. "I'm serious. What's the matter?"

"I'm stuck on something. And frustrated more than usual, because it seems like I shouldn't be getting stuck _this_ badly if I'm going to be stuck."

Alice looked up to the ceiling before looking back at Kip.

"You're having trouble getting through to Reb, aren't you, Kip."

"I'm really not sure, Alice. So far, things have been -I guess 'difficult' is the right word, and I still can't figure out why it's as difficult as it-"

"Before you say anything further, let's go back to the other room so that we don't have anyone else walking in here and interrupting at any moment. If they need help, I think they can hang tight for a few minutes. They'll only run through here to find us if it's a real emergency."

Kip shook his head with a small smirk, turning to follow Alice. It was true that some days it was impossible to talk to Alice or ask him a question without someone else running in with a problem. And somehow, Alice managed to deal with them all and not completely lose his cool even when things got ridiculous. He wasn't called the _"Godfather_ of Shock Rock" for nothing.

Alice led Kip down the hall back to the practice lounge where he'd just been following Reb's outburst and sat down, motioning for Kip to do the same.

"Alright, now tell me what for," Alice commanded as soon as he and Kip were settled.

"First of all, from the beginning he made it sound like he felt like he had to work with me whether he wants to or not, and by the way he acts around me, I wonder if he just doesn't want to be here at all. I even told him if he really doesn't want to do this, he doesn't have to. He still comes, but I guess it can't be because I'm personally forcing him that he's upset with me when I gave him the option. It's almost like I did something else to him to make him hate me before I even met him. Which I personally could hardly care if he does -it doesn't do me any real harm. But when I have to work with him, it makes it hard when he's refusing to really explain his side of things to me and doesn't want to hear what I say. He gets defensive the moment I ask him if he has trouble with something, so giving him constructive criticism on what he can change or do to help him remember better is something he doesn't enjoy either," Kip explained.

Alice fixed Kip with a suspicious look. "Did that have anything to do with why I heard yelling down the hall and a door slam that loudly?"

Kip groaned and rubbed on his sinuses above his eyes. That was embarrassing to know that everyone in the studio outside of a recording pod had likely heard it.

"Oh, _great_... It wasn't so much because I told him to change what he was doing -we've been going down a list of methods at this point trying to see if we find one that works, but yes, that was in here. I wish it wasn't and I didn't want it to come to that, but -what'dya do?"

"What were you two doing when it happened?" 

"I think he got mad because whenever I suggested something else to him, he would either said he'd already tried it and it didn't work for him, or he said he knew it wasn't something that would work for him. I kept asking him to tell me if he had some idea as to why it didn't work for him, and by the way he responded, what he really wanted to ask me was 'are you deaf?' Because he kept repeating 'it doesn't work' -but he still wouldn't say why and acted as if he was ashamed to say it if he knew. The reason I'm asking him why it doesn't work is so that I can figure out what might work. I don't know how his way of processing the music -what he hears, sees, and feels in it -works unless he gives me signs to follow to something that might actually help him. And after the way he just slammed out, I don't know if he's coming back tomorrow, in a week, or if he's even coming back at all. I don't know what to do, Alice." 

Kip paused, thinking to make sure he'd said everything. He had.

Alice hadn't said anything yet. He just watched Kip intently, waiting for confirmation that he'd finished explaining his predicament.

"So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I need help."

"Kip," Alice started, "before I even start saying anything, you need to calm down some. I know you don't really get hyper when you're upset, but I can see you're pretty wired up."

Kip blew up into what was becoming a fringe -his hair was still too short to flip up when he did it, but the ends caught now so he could feel it.

"I know, and even I feel like it's stupid to get this worked up over it. I'm trying."

"Keep trying. You'll be alright and you'll figure something out," Alice reassured. I think part of why this is more frustrating is that this is the first time you've really had to try and help another person with a problem that's personal to them. Truthfully, that's another reason why I recommended you for this. You know, when we're here in the studio, and we've had those moments where we stopped and we were stuck because something in the guitar lines just wasn't fitting together right, it could get tedious trying to figure out what needed to be there to fit and also match the rest of the song. But you have that music theory skill set in you, and once you could figure out the possibilities and then match up to the sound Devlin and Kane wanted, it worked.

"It's different with Reb, Kip, because it's not talking spotting simple fixes and just trying to get the desired sound. This is something that Reb is desperately frustrated with. He's really just every bit as frustrated as you are. And when it comes to getting constructive criticism or suggestions to completely change up what somebody knows about their songwriting process, it can be scary. Even if it doesn't work for Reb, changing and letting go of whatever it is that he's familiar with might be something hard for him. He might not let down his guard so easily."

Kip nodded, taking Alice's thoughts in.

"I get what you're saying. That is true that he's frustrated and maybe scared -and that's also a lot of the problem. Because he definitely has his guard up. I'm not trying to attack him and shoot him down at any moment, but he acts like that's all I'm there for, and he doesn't want to hear it. Constructive criticism -I know it can be hard to hear sometimes, but if he wants help, he's going to have to listen to some. I can't do anything about -it's not like I want to hurt him. And I've got nothing against his playing style -he comes up with riffs like nobody's business, and they're all technical, but they still flow like nothing I've ever heard before. He's really good -I'm definitely not putting him down there."

"Just stay patient and keep working at it," encouraged Alice. "You know me, Kip, I've worked with a lot of guys, and you know how some of them can get defensive real easily or not want to listen. It does get tiring -sometimes very quick. Because you do care about it, and the hardest thing is when they don't want to see that right away. But stay patient, don't be pushy, and just be there for Reb. Sooner or later, he'll have to figure it out, and if not, then he'll get to the time he has to move on, and that'll be it. But if he does, then he'll start opening up to you."

"He's got a lot in him; he's just from what I see, too sensitive, or letting his ego get in the way of it," Kip complained. "Which I suppose isn't uncommon in music from what I've heard, come to think of it."

"Kip, you think you've seen it? You've barely seen anything in this industry yet and with the troubles. You've got one leg up on me not jumping on the heavy drugs like I did in my early days. That's nothing but trouble -and you haven't seen runaway egos until you've seen one that's jacked up on drugs."

"I've heard of a few, and sometimes Kane-"

"Kane does have some problems, but he's one of the easiest ones out there I've encountered. And hearing about it pales in comparison to seeing it first hand. Even then, it still can be hard without you getting into them, because you can still run into others with problems. And the arguments happen without it still just by conflicting personalities. You have to be ready to deal with the defensiveness at times in any band in a positive way that doesn't provoke others, or you'll have arguments left and right."

Kip smirked. "I'm hoping my luck staying out of trouble will keep me out of that as much as possible. I already try to stay out of it -so far I guess it's gone well if this is the most trouble I've gotten myself in."

Alice took on a warning tone and held up his finger. "Now, that's true in most cases -I trust that you would stay out of a lot of trouble, not only because you're cautious and you avoid it, but also because you're more level headed than most guys your age out there in this industry. You do think things through _most_ of the time before doing something so you know it's not stupid. But I'd better keep my fingers crossed that good luck is on your side if someone tells you to do something stupid using the words 'I dare you', because that's when you just _have_ to try doing whatever it is-"

Kip sprung an impish grin. "Alice..."

"Oh no you don't, Kip. Don't even try to argue otherwise with me, because you know perfectly well that it's true. Don't think I didn't see your scene in the lounge that day with Paul -and what kind of a dance was it that you two were calling it...?" 

Alice trailed off and raised an eyebrow suspiciously as Kip burst into near-hysterical laughter and doubled over in his seat.

"See, even you know," Alice mock-scolded. "For all I know, when we go out on the road, you're going to break out into it backstage or in some hotel and really make a scene."

"Come on, that one was too funny to resist," Kip strained out, putting one hand on stomach and grabbing his side with the other. "It was too perfect!"

Alice tilted his head slightly forward and looked straight at Kip with his eyebrows raised as if he were peering over the top of an imaginary pair of glasses. _Mmm-hmm_ , his stare seemed to silently say. He continued for a few seconds, waiting for Kip to settle down.

"Oh, man," groaned Kip, gasping for air as he regained his sense of seriousness.

Alice continued to give him the low stare. "Are you finished?"

"I am." Kip sat back up. "Sorry, but I needed that."

"I see."

"I guess my real dilemma at this point is that I feel like I have to keep doing this myself, and I don't know whether I should or not if Reb isn't going to want it and if all it's doing is creating blowups like today because I can't get through to him. I guess the reason I feel like I have to is because it's a shame for him to struggle when he has the talent he does. I wish he just saw that I'm on his side, not against him."

"What did I tell you about being patient?" Alice asked scoldingly. "If I've said it more than once, I've said it plenty of times. Just hang with it Kip. It won't do you any harm in the long run. In fact, you know what? That's just it. Keep working with Reb and trying to get through, Kip. I _dare you to."_

Alice watched Kip perk up at this immediately. 

_I thought so._

"I'll see if I can come up with something."

"Try a different approach with him, Kip. There's more than one way to get somewhere, and no need to get caught up if one way doesn't work. You can still give him constructive criticism and help him out, but there might be another way you could do it that he'd be more responsive to. Consider how he does things by what you can see without him telling you, and something he could build into that that's not necessarily big change. You said you two had a couple of meetings that went well and Reb seemed to be having fun, so consider what you did then. Think about how you could build off of that, and it might do it for him. Chill out in here and think about that for a while, and I'm going for a walk around the halls to see if I think of anything else. Because it's too gross to walk around outside."

Alice then left the room. He didn't really think that Kip needed to be alone, or that Kip hadn't thought about it already, but he was hoping Kip would stay put. Part of him was curious to figure out just what had happened when Reb stormed out, and where he'd gone off to.

He didn't see Reb hanging out in the other studio space through the doors, so he went through to the mud room to have a look out at the parking lot. Reb's car was out there, so he hadn't left the building. 

Alice turned around, happening to glance down, and that was when he found Reb. Reb seemed to know it, because he looked up slowly and cautiously with nervousness in his eyes.

"You, Reb," he started, "are being unbelievably quiet and still down there if I didn't notice you when I got in here."

Reb shrugged sheepishly. "I guess so."

Alice gestured toward Reb. "Now, what is _this?"_ he asked critically. "In here on the floor alone in the dark, Reb. _Why?"_

"I lost my temper today, Alice. And thinking about it, you probably heard it, so I'm sorry for that. It just wasn't working in the lounge, and I've had it up to here with Kip today" -Reb held his hand up by his ears - "since it seems he can't just accept it when I tell him something. I had a bad morning trying to get here, Kip didn't help after that, and now I'm here. I'd go home, but I don't feel like dealing with car problems out in the rain just yet so that I can."

"Can you stand up and walk with me for a bit, Reb?"

Wordlessly, Reb climbed up from the floor and followed Alice, meandering about the hallway.

"Reb, I think you need to think about a few things when you go home tonight. Just think on it. Without details, I can tell that you're upset about a number of things, whatever's the matter with your car being one of them, and I get the idea that most of them aren't things that Kip himself did to you, because they happened before you got here. What you aren't used to seeing that you see in Kip's personality might be exacerbating what you feel, but it's not why you're upset. He doesn't know about those other things, so he can't help it. And you don't have to tell him, but you might not want to let what happens before you get to the studio dictate how you see things in the studio. And that goes for everywhere -not just with Kip. There's nothing wrong with having a bad day, Reb. Just don't let it derail everything else."

"He doesn't get it, Alice. He acts like he's better than me and knows it too."

Alice's voice went firm, bordering on scolding.

"Stop it, Reb. Stop putting yourself down. I can tell that you are."

Reb nearly wilted; his shoulders visibly sagging.

"You've maybe even heard it in other places, and you're repeating it to yourself, but that doesn't make it true," Alice continued, noting Reb's gesture of sadness.

Reb nodded slowly as he walked beside Alice.

"If it's not true and you know it, you need to stop it, Reb. It's making you think that Kip is putting you down when he's not. He's told me everything good about your playing. The only thing he's iffy on is if you really want him to help you."

"He doesn't care though. He doesn't listen or care, so I don't see how he wants to actually help me."

Alice stopped. He happened to catch a glimpse through the window of the door into the small lounge he'd left Kip in, as he and Reb had walked around to that point of the building.

"Reb, take a good look in that window."

Cautiously, and positioning himself at an angle so that he couldn't be seen easily from outside, Reb looked in.

Kip stood next to the table, having strapped his bass back on, appearing zoned out in thought. He absentmindedly pulled at a couple of his bass strings, then leaned forward against one hand on the table, shaking his head and running his other hand through his unkempt hair, getting it even messier. Continuing to lean on the table, he looked up at the ceiling, a near painful look of stress on his face before his shoulders heaved with a sigh and he pushed off the table, shuffling through the room whilst picking at his bass again.

"He looks pretty upset. I am too, so that's only fair."

"Care to take a guess at _why_ he's upset?"

"Given he seems kind of stuck up and full of himself around me, like he knows everything and he's better, he's probably upset because I told him I'd had enough of him for today

"Reb, look at me," ordered Alice.

Reb did, confused.

"I know that it can be hard to read Kip, and maybe he does come off as a little too confident at times -he's enthusiastic about things; it's not all bad. I did warn about that, and you're seeing him shot down at the moment. But what I know about him, and what I can assure you, is that Kip doesn't waste his time getting upset and staying that way over something he doesn't care about."

Reb looked back in the window. Kip was now sitting down with his bass, a pad of paper on the table in front of him and a pen in hand, placing his fingers in a pattern on his bass, and motioning as though he was pondering writing it down, but seeming distracted as though his thoughts were somewhere else. 

Reb couldn't help but feel irked at the paper pad after that had been the subject of the argument before he'd lost it, but Kip did seem a lot less certain of himself than before. That was almost a bit amusing after earlier, but he also looked conflicted in a way that wasn't pleasant for anyone, and Reb felt a slight twist at that, beginning to feel conflicted in the same way himself.

Stuck up as Kip seemed, maybe he did care after all. More than _somebody_ Reb had talked on the phone with today, at least.

"If he's in there that bothered right now, I'm pretty sure he cares something about you, Reb."

"He's not getting it though, Alice. It's like he thinks I'm stupid and that I don't know what things don't work for me when you would think I know myself and how I work better than anyone else. I just can't deal with it anymore today."

Alice shook his head. 

"I'm not saying you need to get right back with him. I agree on that last part, Reb. Today's not the time for you to try any further with Kip. You're tensed up from what's already happened, and you haven't had a good day to begin with, so you're not focused. And Kip's a little worked over too. He's probably not going to be able to concentrate on trying to figure out how he could work with you in a way that's more helpful. Nor is he likely in position to after you stormed out on him, because he's going to feel like he has to tiptoe around you for the rest of the day."

Reb snorted. "That'll be something new to me." 

"He probably won't actually do it, but he'll be thinking it inside and it'll slow him down. But if you're going to try and keep working with him, you need to let him know before you leave today. You might need a couple of days, so it doesn't have to be that you come back right away tomorrow, but make sure when you get back with him that you're ready to hear him out and give him a chance. And you have to work with him. What you said about knowing what works best and what doesn't for you is just it. Do you know his reasoning behind asking you to explain why something doesn't work?"

Reb shook his head.

"Has he tried to tell you?" asked Alice.

"He might have tried today before I decided I'd had enough," Reb said slowly, thinking back.

"Alright. He needs to be the one to tell you why, so I won't say it. But if something he suggests doesn't work for you, tell him why it doesn't work when he asks. Even tell him before he asks if it's something you can easily explain. Just try it the next time you're together, and see what happens. If it doesn't help, I don't think it'll do you any harm. I can tell you he's not doing it to hurt you or put you down in any way."

Reb nodded slowly.

"Would you like to hang out with us in here if you're not going home for a while?" Alice offered.

"No, I can go back in the mud room." There was a heating vent on the wall by where Reb had camped out, and it wasn't too bad sitting there aside from a mildly stiff lower back. He figured he still had a while before he had to worry about that too much.

"Alright, suit yourself. If you change your mind, you're welcome to come in anyway -I'll be in the mixing room, so that's all the way at the end of the inner hallway before the door to your side. Just walk on in if you want. And if you want something to eat or drink, you're welcome to what we've got stored all over in the big lounge. Whatever you do though, make sure you talk to Kip before you leave and decide what you're doing. No slinking out of that one," said Alice firmly. "He's perplexed as to whether you're coming back or not, and it's not fair to walk out indefinitely. And that goes for anyone you might ever work with in a studio too."

Reb nodded. "I got that."

"Well, I'm going back then," Alice concluded. "Hopefully the rest of the day will be better for you, Reb."

Reb nodded a silent thanks before turning in the opposite direction, retreating to the mudroom to think over the events of the morning and what to do.

Alice opened the lounge door. Kip looked up with a flinch. That spoke wonders to how perplexed he was -it wasn't like Kip to get jumpy.

"There aren't going to be any more tracks for you to record today, Kip. I'm just going to be working with our engineer on mixing. If you want to go home early, you can."

"With the morning it's been, going home early does sound nice," Kip admitted, "but I think I'd rather hang around here anyway. That is if I'm allowed to shadow in the mixing room again. Can I, Alice?"

"Well, we're only mixing tracks until 1:00 o'clock today, so you'd better get in the mixing room with me pretty quick," said Alice, motioning for Kip to walk with him in the direction of the mixing room. "But even then, you'll have four hours where there's no point in you staying unless you just want to hang with the others -which you're welcome to do. But you're welcome to head out when you want to too."

Kip perked up and eagerly followed him.

"So, how curious am I allowed to be today?"

"Given where we are on the track we're mixing today? No being a Dennis the Menace with the questions, keep in your seat, and unless we ask if you want to ask something, you're a fly on the wall and you keep your mouth shut," said Alice, mimicking one of his evil expressions, which still looked pretty effective even without the heavy eye makeup and corpse paint.

"Aw, but that's no fun!" Kip shook his head, grinning as he passed through the doorway behind Alice into the mixing room.

Alice softened his maniacal, sinister face to a joking one, sitting down and pulling another chair out of the corner. 

"Kip, you know I'm joking. If that were the case, I'd send you home and say forget coming in here. I said it to make you react just like you did -you need to cheer up. For now, you can watch here, and ask any questions you've got. I'll take the blame if any of our engineers get grumpy."

Kip was already watching intently as their producer gave a request through the intercom from the recording pod to the engineer as if the lesser events of the morning hadn't occurred. As his frustration settled throughout the mixing, he decided he was up to continuing with Reb as long as Reb confirmed that he wanted to.

It all depended on what Reb decided now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alice being the father figure he is underneath the villain persona. He actually reminds me of my former anatomy and sports med teacher!


	4. Barriers Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kip runs into Reb before leaving for the day. What's intended to be a quick exchange to decide what to do next turns into a heart to heart conversation, and a barrier breaks as Reb finds what he really needs -somebody to understand him.

A couple hours later, Reb heard the sound of light footsteps coming down the hall toward the mud room -probably somebody on their way out.

Out of curiosity, he lifted his head up from where he'd been resting his forehead on his knees, generally drifting in and out of consciousness. It wasn't really sleeping, but Reb was tired and didn't feel like sitting up and alert.

Leaning forward and seeing Kip, he turned away quickly, hoping Kip hadn't noticed him, but that was a lot to ask for, given he'd stretched forward past the coat rack's shield. Then again, he had to talk to Kip under Alice's order anyway, so if Kip hadn't, he'd have to call out to him.

Kip had indeed noticed, and was wondering to himself why Reb was still there, let alone what he was doing under the coat rack. But he saw it as an opportunity to try talking to Reb. At first he considered leaving him alone, not wanting to get him agitated again, but Reb looked less inclined to it now than he had coming into the studio cold and flustered.

"You know, I thought you'd stormed out of the place earlier," Kip stated cautiously. "When you left the lounge. Apparently not."

"Surprise," murmured Reb sarcastically. "I'm still here after all."

"Then again, I would have known if I'd followed you," Kip said thoughtfully. "I almost ran after you, but something told me you wouldn't have liked it too much."

Reb glanced up briefly, before looking back down where he sat folded in on himself. "I probably wouldn't have."

"Just so you know, I wasn't trying to track you down just now if that's why you thought I came in here."

"I didn't," Reb contradicted. "Leaving early?"

Kip shrugged. "Alice isn't mixing anymore today, and we're not recording anything else today, so there's not much else for me to do here. Not really anywhere I have to be either until tonight, and it's not exactly pleasant outside to go running around town for the fun of it."

Continuing to keep to himself and looking down between his knees, Reb snorted. "Well, I guess I'll see you in a couple of days, unless you don't want me back here, in which case I won't."

Reb heard a rustle and noticed a shadow falling to the right of him, making the space darker as Kip lowered himself to the ground to sit next to Reb and folded his legs in out of the pathway.

"Reb, are you okay? What's going on? I know you said you were okay earlier, but... Be honest."

Reb shook his head slowly. He was hesitant to admit it, but Kip seemed less exuberant than he had when he'd come into the studio, and Reb found himself not wanting to put his guard up the same way. Now he got what Alice meant by the tiptoeing. Kip was still asking the question he wanted to, but he was thinking about it a lot more and his speech pattern was tinged with caution.

"Not feeling well?"

Reb shrugged.

"You're not sick, are you, Reb?"

Reb shook his head again.

"Tired out?"

Reb nodded. _More than you could know_ , he thought to himself. It wasn't from lack of sleep, but from discouragement.

"Bad morning before you even got here?" Kip tried.

Reb nodded, feeling a pang inside as Kip hit the nail on the head.

"It's not anything serious, is it? Because if it is and there's something any of us can do to make it better or help you out-"

Reb forcefully shook his head this time. It wouldn't help him for Kip to know what had gone down on the phone, and telling about how he'd made a mess in the kitchen or fallen in the slush wasn't anything but embarrassment for Reb, because it wasn't anything serious -just insult to injury. It wasn't as if any of those things could really be helped either.

He didn't want help or for his situation to be completely known about so much as he really just wanted to be understood.

"Just ...overwhelmed?" Kip hesitated, searching for the right word.

Reb nodded. 

"Kind of," he finally spoke. "It's like I don't know what to do."

"I get that," Kip said quietly. He hesitated again, seeming to cut himself off from speaking at first before continuing. "Reb, you don't have to if you'd rather not -I don't want it to make it worse -but if you want to talk about it..."

Reb sighed and lifted his head to look over at Kip. "I guess we have to talk regardless so we can figure out what we're doing after today."

Kip raised his eyebrows. "Are you up to continuing or not? Because I'm fine to continue, but I think the real question is whether you really want to, and if you don't, I have nothing against that."

Reb shrugged, feeling flustered.

"I don't really know how to answer that now, Kip. I'll admit it -I don't know how to deal with not being able to retain anything, and if it means I'll find a way, then I do want help. But I have to actually get somewhere, and not be stuck trying to say that something doesn't work and have you keep pushing me to try it anyway. Because I say it doesn't work, and it's either 'why doesn't it work,' or 'what's wrong with that way'?"

"Did you think I kept asking you over and over because I wasn't listening to you?" asked Kip inquisitively.

Reb looked over and made full eye contact with Kip this time, appearing slightly annoyed.

"In some ways, yes," he said sharply, "but more because I thought you heard me and just didn't respect what I said. Like you thought because I have all these problems that I wouldn't be able to know for myself that something doesn't work, so you just wanted me to prove what I'd said because it wasn't good enough for me to say it didn't work for me."

"Oh, I see," murmured Kip. He looked and sounded bewildered, not having expected Reb to take it the way he had.

"I forget my riffs, but I'm not stupid." Reb spoke bitterly, diverting his eyes from Kip with a light toss of his head.

"Reb, can you look back over here?" Kip waited for Reb's eyes to reconnect with his own.

"I was asking you to try and explain to me why you feel like it didn't work so that I could skip over things I was going to suggest that also wouldn't have worked based on your reasons. You're not stupid, Reb -I know you know what doesn't work for you. You know it better than anyone -that's why I wanted you to tell me so that I could put two and two together and make things faster and less overwhelming for you."

Reb stayed silent, processing that and the past few days. That struck him too. Kip hadn't seemed like he was asking it that way, and Reb felt that it was pretty obvious that most of the methods were related to each other and likely to be out of the question, but that could have explained why Kip kept going over them.

"I didn't mean to get you so upset," Kip insisted.

"It's okay." Reb felt the energy driving his anger at Kip fading as confusion took over.

"There's not anything else, is there?"

"Not really in the context of the time today that I've been here," Reb admitted. "I guess I'll say it."

"What, you want to tell me? I'm listening," Kip prompted, perking up slightly.

"Well, I'll answer your question so it's settled. This is going to sound odd, given I have all this music theory training and honors to back it up and such," Reb started nervously. "When it comes to understanding compositions that other artists have written, like in my sessions, I rely on that stuff a lot to learn what they did and adapt it to my style. But when it comes to composing and playing on my own -coming up with riffs and stuff -I really don't. The technical stuff -when I'm doing it for myself as something new, it doesn't come in those terms. It's something that just has to happen hands-on by feeling and sound on its own. Thinking about those notes or writing them down is something I can do, but when I'm coming up with my own stuff, it's as if they don't connect."

Silence hung over as Kip took in Reb's extended explanation. Kip watched Reb too, who folded himself back in to look at the ground.

_He's getting so scared of never being able to make it work, and ashamed because he's done so much training and he can't go anywhere with it,_ Kip realized, noticing Reb's hands were shaking as if it had taken everything in him to admit that.

"First thing I can tell you Reb -it's no wonder now why a lot of the stuff I suggested yesterday and today don't work, because almost all of it pulled from that theoretical and technical side of things. And if you'd come in here tomorrow, my guess is that you wouldn't have been too happy with a lot of what I had for you next either. Because I wouldn't have wanted to guess what the problem was, do it wrong, and skip something that might have worked -so we'd have kept muddling through it."

Reb nodded.

"I will warn it also knocks us down to just the last few methods I had thought up, and I was saving them for the end, because they're a lot lengthier, and there's not as much uniformity to it when you're going hands-on and putting the theory aside. But, we can get straight to them when you get back," Kip assured. "And it'll be a lot better for you."

He held up a finger in thought. "Or maybe we'll save those and try and just go outside of the box -see what comes to us if we just have you play at random again. Maybe we'll see what we feel like doing then."

"Maybe," Reb repeated. As soon as he said it, he felt Kip tap his shoulder. He kept doing it when he stayed still, so Reb looked up as it started to become annoying.

"What?" he asked. Reb's cheeks were blushed and still felt hot from embarrassment from having to explain to Kip. He'd definitely never have given that explanation at home -Reb didn't want to know the scolding he'd get for having gone through so much training only to not be able to use it when he was trying to come up with and remember his riffs and lines.

"You seemed to do pretty well on those days you had your guitar out, so maybe we could start out with something like that and then try to figure out how else we could work from there. Would you be up to trying something like that?" Kip offered.

"I do like the idea of going at it on the guitar again," Reb agreed.

Without preface, Kip bluntly turned back from his tangent to Reb's explanation.

"There's no reason to be ashamed of how you create riffs, Reb. It's actually not odd at all."

Reb didn't say anything in response, but looked up again and paused, staring blankly at Kip.

"It's how a lot of musicians are, actually," Kip continued thoughtfully. "You consider a lot of those basic rock bands starting out the scene in the late sixties and early seventies, and some of those guys can't even read a note of music, let alone name the progressions of their songs. It just comes to them. Sometimes I'm that way too when I first get a melody."

Reb shifted to sit up a bit straighter, intrigued.

"But I always had a harder time building anything complex around it or being able to play it right again if I didn't understand what everything was called and why it sounded a particular way. Maybe you can say I'm a stickler for getting an answer to that question 'why'," Kip quipped.

Reb groaned, but in a mildly amused way. "Seems to fit."

"In your case, the riff is coming first, and since you're not so much going to the stage of building around it but just trying to remember it, there's nothing wrong with going hands-on and improvising without the theoretical background. That's how people are able to get together and just jam without really knowing what they're getting into -and there was a lot of that back home when I first started learning. It's good to know the theory later -especially if you want to be in a band someday, because then you can use it to look at what you came up with and explain it to whoever you're working with so that they can contribute. But when you have those tools and you don't need them to write and play complex things yourself, usually, it's a sign that you have a really strong creative side. I think that's how it is for you," Kip pondered. "It does mean it might be a little less clear as to what you need, but it's not a bad thing overall."

Reb perked up slightly at that. He hadn't anticipated a positive reaction, but it was nice to get one.

"So what do you want to do?" Kip asked, changing the subject back to the main matter at hand. "In terms of getting back in here or not, and when-?"

"I guess I'm up for trying to continue longer, but I'm not sure if I want to come right back tomorrow," Reb admitted. "I don't know if I'd be ready. Maybe the day after, or-"

"How about you take three days? Sort yourself out -and I have to sort some things out too. Funny how even with all that time we took the first four times not really doing anything but just trying to get to know each other, it seems I still didn't really know you well enough to help you effectively as I could. And I probably just learned the most I have about you in the past, what is it? -twenty minutes here, Reb. I'll need to rethink that strategy."

Reb snorted lightly.

"I guess I probably got to understand you better than before just now too. Three days works. If I'm not sorted out in three days, I never will be, so there wouldn't be any point in waiting any longer."

"You need to feel like you're ready, or you're not going to want to be here," Kip insisted. "I'd rather delay it more and have you come in feeling good than have you try and get back here early as possible and set ourselves up for trouble. It's not worth it to have a fight, and it's never any fun no matter how it happens. We don't want a repeat of today."

Reb shook his head. "Oh please, no."

"If you don't feel ready in three days, try giving yourself two more before coming again just to be sure, and then we can see if we can work through it," Kip declared. And you know how Alice is with the studio -Sunday doesn't count with that. We're not here because he's not. So really, since today's Monday, if you take an additional two days, it's really three more, and we'll see each other again next Monday if we don't see each other on Thursday."

"Okay."

"And Reb, I don't know what happened this morning, but if you really are in a position where you don't think you can come -at least not in the morning to work with me -just call in and have whoever picks up relay it to me that you need to skip a day. We don't have to meet every day. And if there's anybody forcing this on you who decides they have a problem with you taking a break, tell them to call the studio and ask for me. I'll tell them that I gave you the okay. If it's a day I didn't come in either, then somebody else will be here to say that I'm not, so it wouldn't make sense that you'd be here early then."

"Are you serious?" asked Reb. "I mean, you don't have to call for me, but do you mean-?"

"If Alice lets me off the hook from time to time when I'm getting bogged down, there's no reason why you can't. Now, when I say that, I don't mean to do it every other day to run away from me," Kip warned. "That I'm not agreeing to-"

"It'd be pretty funny if I were to try and dance around being here when I already got a scolding from my old man over the phone for not getting here as early as I could and that I need to be more proactive about this-"

Kip cut Reb off, holding his finger up. "Hold your horses -is that what happened before you got here that held you up from leaving home?"

Reb winced and curled up his fist, slamming it down on his knee. He hadn't meant to say that out loud.

_"Damn it-!"_

"If you don't want to talk about it, don't," Kip cut in sternly. "I don't _need_ to know."

"Given I heard you talked to him the other day, I figure you probably already know what he had to tell me from just that," Reb groaned.

Kip looked entirely taken aback, as though it was beyond him what Reb was talking about. "What do you mean?"

Reb was also struck by Kip's confusion.

"Well, by the way he chewed me out for not trying as hard as you, I would have thought-"

Now Kip looked horrified.

"Oh my God, Reb, I had no idea. What exactly was he-?"

"Well, he asked what time I was going there after asking me why I was still in the house, and he told me that I should be trying to get here as early as you would get here at 9:00 and such, and that I wasn't acting like I want to actually find a solution," said Reb, trying to sound calm and stoic -not like the panicking when he'd gotten called. "And by the way he was going on made me wonder if you hadn't told him that I wasn't trying or that you thought I was slacking off by not choosing and earlier time or something."

Reb opted to not go any further, not wanting to go into the metaphor basically calling him a wimp. He turned to look at Kip again.

Kip sat still for three seconds in silence, still stricken, before speaking.

"No, all I did was answer his questions the way I did for you. I told him what training I took, and when he asked me why I chose to do it that way, I told him how I felt it was best for me to do it that way. I'd never have guessed he'd have used that to go after you; if I thought he would have, I wouldn't have told him anything. No wonder you got so upset when I joked about you being a couple minutes late. It explains a lot, but it-" Kip stopped short, shaking his head and running the heels of his hands up over his forehead and finger combing through his hair again. "Reb, I'm so sorry."

"I guess if you didn't know like I thought you did, then you don't really have anything to be sorry about and I can't be but so mad about it," Reb admitted sheepishly. What he hadn't expected more than that Kip wouldn't know was just how shaken he seemed by it.

"It's more just how it is that I'm sorry to hear about. With the way I had it, it's hard to fathom that it would be forced like that at home," Kip explained.

"What do you mean?"

"Back home in Colorado -music is common mountain culture and has a major presence in the community and in families. Pretty much everyone plays something to a point as a hobby, and if it goes any further and becomes a real talent or even a profession, then that's just how it goes. You know, it was encouraged, but never anything forced -just something that we decided how far we wanted to go or not, and whatever we did and chose was fine. I chose to take it beyond just something for fun, but I didn't have to if I didn't want to. I know it's not always the case for everyone, but I didn't expect that you were under the gun like that. I mean, I'm not saying it's with bad intention; he probably is trying to encourage you and wants you to be able to overcome this, but it's not helping you too much."

"I do want it, like nothing else," Reb assured. "I guess it's more a thing for me as 'if I've gotten all this training, I had better get my head out of my ass and do something with it sooner than later'."

Kip sighed, shaking his head again. "I'm pretty lucky all you did was lose your temper with me, because some guys -especially some I knew back home -would have hauled off and given it to me in the nose if they were thinking what you were."

"I don't think I'd have gone that far -it takes a lot since I don't have a lot of guts for that," Reb admitted. "But I probably did overreact today, knowing everything now. I kind of came in frustrated, and I kind of I got away from myself too it seems."

"You did manage to stall me. You had me at a loss as to what to think or do about it," Kip agreed. "But you didn't only come in here frustrated -you came in here hurt. That probably made everything I tried to do with you hurt too. Looking back on how you were responding to me and knowing that, even though I didn't intend it that way, it struck you."

"Probably said it better than I could," said Reb meekly, going quiet again. His anger was completely drained, leaving nothing but awkwardness as he ran out of things to say.

Kip sighed deeply. "Is that it?"

Reb leaned forward, stretching his arms out in front of him. "That's it. Unless I go further into details with that, and I don't think I could go there right now if I wanted to."

"Well, until we get back here with each other, just take it easy. Or at least don't go hard on yourself," said Kip unfolding his legs and nimbly leaping up to his feet before standing up on his toes to stretch his legs. "Today's been a little rough."

"Yeah, I think we can both agree on that," Reb murmured, pushing himself up from the floor stiffly.

"Once it got rolling down the hill, it wasn't going to stop until it hit the bottom." Kip checked out the window on the door. "At least it stopped raining."

"That's nice; at least I won't have to deal with a tire in the rain."

"Are you serious?" Kip froze in his tracks.

Reb nodded.

"Oh, no..."

"Don't ask me how it happened -it wasn't flat when I left home this morning, and if I'd done it on the way here, for it to go flat so fast, it would have already been flat by the time I got here, or I'd have heard it getting out." Reb shrugged. "I guess with everything else, it would happen today."

"You know, if it's a slow leak -which is what it sounds like if you don't know when or how it happened -you could fill it back up and wait until it's less gross outside to deal with it. I don't think it's supposed to rain tomorrow, so it'll get you home and last until tomorrow when it's drier. I think if you ask Kane, he's got a pump for that in his truck, and he is still here."

Reb hesitantly glanced outside, then back to Kip.

"Actually, thanks for telling me, but knowing myself, I'll forget about it for a few days and end up with it going flat again. I'll take care of it now and get it done with."

"You sure?" asked Kip.

"Yeah."

"Well, then, I'm out. I'll see you when we get back with each other. Take care, Reb."

Reb watched as Kip headed out around the other side of the building and disappeared before heading outside on his own.

He was still thinking about their unexpected, lengthy talk in the mud room long after he got home. Thinking about it, the beginning of the day, and everything in context with what he now knew. Trying to make sense of it and the confusion.

He still couldn't decide what to think of Kip, but in the end, it had been Kip who understood him. Or at least tried to. Which led him to wonder if Kip might not have been as stuck up as he initially thought.

Either way, he had three, maybe six days, to decide before he'd see him again.


	5. Breaking Through

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reb and Kip try a different approach with each other. Will it be just the thing to set Reb on the road to a solution?

Tuesday and Wednesday ended up being weird days for Reb. Despite preferring to sleep in late as possible and not needing to be at the studio before noon for his recording sessions, Reb found himself waking up automatically around 9:30 like he had the past week and a half to go in with Kip. Having almost three hours alone before it was time to leave meant an awkward period of hanging around and not knowing what to do.

Through most of the time on Wednesday morning, Reb sat with his guitar and continued to push on with what he could do -jamming to let riffs come to him, and hoping he could retain something.

By Wednesday night, when Reb could only remember a portion of one of the riffs, he couldn't even find it in him to get upset and worked up into a panic over it. He felt like he was simply _done_ with it -coming up with multiple riff patterns that could have formed a song, and only being left with one small riff that maybe formed part of a pattern that he couldn't figure out. Completely had enough.

Whether Kip could actually help him or not, Reb still wasn't sure. But he had more hope thinking hard on it whilst lying in bed and waiting for sleep to overtake him than he had before. He'd practically seen Kip's gears start turning on Monday when he'd described his unexpected approach to composing, as if he actually had an idea of what to do.

Reb woke up to the alarm that next morning. Thursday. He'd set it for 9:00 to give himself extra time to move about slower and think as to whether he really wanted to go back in or not, and if he needed to wait until Monday.

He inevitably felt nervous with the concept of going back in, not knowing how much different it would be. Differences were good, and definitely needed from the last time, but not knowing what to expect was something Reb always found intimidating. Just as it had been when it was the first time he'd met Kip

However, he wasn't feeling like he _didn't_ want to go in. And as he went about the morning routine as a leisurely paced, Reb realized that today wasn't one of his days where he was scheduled to be in the studio with Fiona in the afternoon, and he had no idea what he was going to do for the day. Just the thought of a whole day alone inside in with his uncertainty, and Reb feared he might go stir crazy.

Ultimately, that was what Reb made his decision by at that moment. The last thing he wanted was to start second-guessing himself on how he felt about going in and wind up bouncing off the walls later from sheer boredom. He got up from his chair and went to the phone to call into the studio, dialing and waiting for an answer.

The phone rang once. Twice.

"Hello?" 

It wasn't Kip, but if Reb could recognize any voice from the studio aside from Kip and Alice that sounded like that and the phone wasn't distorting it, it was probably Paul.

"May I speak to Kip, please? It's Reb Beach." 

Reb realized he was holding the phone slightly back from his ear as if he were afraid of it for some reason he couldn't identify. He doubted he'd get scolded or yelled at over the phone for just asking for Kip, but it was almost reflexive, having not realized he'd slowly pulled it out.

He pushed the phone back against his ear, shaking his head.

"Sure; I'll go get him." Reb heard the person shouting 'Hey, Kip!' faintly in the background. 

Definitely Paul. He'd caught Kip in the same manner after three of their earlier meetings, shouting for him before Reb had left the studio. It seemed he and Kip were the best of friends within Alice's lineup, but from what Reb saw, Paul seemed like the friendly type that could get along with practically anyone as long as they weren't unkind to him. Reb couldn't help but roll his eyes for pulling the phone away from himself when the person on the other end was as harmless as Paul.

"Hey, Reb," Kip greeted, having gotten onto the other line. "How's it going this morning?"

"Well," started Reb, thinking to himself, "nothing specifically bad has happened this morning or the past couple, and I'm feeling somewhat better, so if I haven't just jinxed myself saying that this early, it should be going alright."

Reb heard Kip give a nervous laugh at the mention of jinxing. 

"I'll tell Paul to knock on one of our door frames here for us, but other than that, good to hear. Anything going on for you today?"

"Actually, yes," Reb replied, shaking his head at the 'knock on wood' comment. "I was just calling to let you know I'm on my way. I've been thinking it through since last night, and I'm ready."

"And if you're ready, I'll be ready," Kip assured. "Alright then, I won't hold you up. I'll let Alice know then so he'll know not to call for me during that time. Unless you have anything else to say here, I'll let you go now."

"Nope," Reb answered. "I'm good, just getting myself ready to leave home for the morning. Going to try to make it by 10:30 if I don't get any surprises this time."

"See you when you get here."

Despite the flatness, listening closely, Reb could make out just a hint of expression in Kip's voice. And it seemed to be of a positive ilk -somewhat inviting and pleased. It was hard to know for sure, but Reb's fair level of hope that today would be better was only increasing.

He was almost looking forward to it. 

The signs continued to be promising when he made it into his car and out of the parking lot without a hitch in just under half an hour. He'd entered the studio doors at just two minutes before 10:30, finding himself back in the mud room where he'd last seen Kip in person.

Kip was nowhere in sight. That was strange. He wasn't in the large lounge either. Peering in through the door, Reb could see Kane, and he could see somebody else he didn't know who he assumed to either be Ken, or another guitarist Kip had referred to as 'Devlin'. Reb made his way on his own into the practice lounge, still finding it completely empty.

Taking a few awkward paces around the room, uncertain of what to do, Reb finally plugged his guitar into a portable amp and began fingerpicking it, brushing off his concern. He figured it was likely two possibilities - either Kip was talking to Alice and had lost track of the time, which Reb figured was the more likely of the two given he had already had time to get unpacked, or maybe Kip had run down to the restroom and hadn't gotten back yet. It wasn't anything to worry about as long as Kip was here in fifteen minutes. If it was any longer, then Reb would consider asking around for him.

Focusing on the guitar for the time being, Reb let himself get taken away, working up from finger picking into chord clipping with quick fills in between, enjoying himself, but keeping an eye on the clock just in case if something really was wrong.

Sure enough, ten minutes later Kip burst in through the door, awkwardly holding his bass in one hand, and struggling with his paper pad, portable amp, and pen in his other. He seemed to push against the floor on his toes hard with each step to slow down from a run, like he'd been rushing on his way. He also had the classic 'oh, shit' look on his face -probably as the result of hearing Reb playing and realizing he was late.

Deciding he didn't want to embarrass Kip or have a repeat of anything else that could cause just as much tension between them, Reb kept playing away while Kip got himself situated. He figured that stopping suddenly would look impatient.

The light thumps and rustling of Kip setting everything down was in the background, barely registering to Reb. He expected that. What he didn't expect was when he suddenly heard a deep note strike in perfect complement to the chord progression he was looping around.

Reb looked over, caught off guard, only to see Kip had plugged his bass in and had it strapped on himself. Kip motioned wordlessly for Reb to keep playing.

So Reb did, noticing Kip pulling up a chair and realizing he was getting invited into a jam. He changed directions to a driving riff that would be good to start on, but inwardly grinned. If Kip was going to jam with him, then things were about to get interesting.

Every so often, Reb took a turn that would seem unexpected with what he had been playing -a change in speed, change in key, or just sticking in a chord that worked, but wasn't expected and added a tone of dissonance. Kip was visibly concentrating hard to keep up with Reb and stay on track with his surprises. It was clearly a challenge for him, but he was doing pretty well with it, and aside from a few minor clashes, most of it sounded right to Reb. 

He was beginning to immensely enjoy himself -only when he bent his guitar string on a pinch harmonic a little too far and knocked it out of tune with a descending moan from the guitar as the string slackened. At which Kip stopped, sensing the problem, and Reb abruptly yanked his guitar up over his shoulder, unstrapping himself from it.

"Aw, crap!" Reb groaned, now holding his guitar out in front of him and lightly tapping his finger against the string gone flat to gauge how far to turn as he tightened it back up.

"Well, then," said Kip, setting his bass down with wild eyes. "That was a decent jam there. Ran for about ten good minutes."

Reb nodded tiredly in agreement. "That was fun."

"Wasn't expecting all that, but it was fun. Knocked out a few nerves. A lot of solid guitar work in that too for sudden improv."

Reb looked down bashfully, not considering himself to have done anything major. "I was just fooling around and playing with my guitar while I was waiting."

"Yeah, I came in, and you'd already started, so I figured I'd join in rather than stop you. Sorry about that wait, by the way. Paul had an idea and was asking for me to help him real quick with it for an adjustment to a track -that required the keyboard in the recording area. He's talking to Alice now to see if he approves or not, and on his own so I could make it in time." Kip smiled sheepishly. "Looks like I still didn't get over here fast enough."

"So I wasn't the late one today," Reb said smugly.

"Yeah, since I joked you last time for it, you get to take a crack at me today," Kip quipped back. "You can fire away all you like; it won't bother me too much."

Reb looked down feeling slightly abashed.

"You don't have to either if you'd rather not. I'm just horsing around. Come to think of it, I wasn't entirely sure how we were going to start off today -I was going to ask what you preferred. But I think we ended up starting pretty well with what we just did, lateness aside. I'm sorry -I knew I was late too coming down the hall when I heard you jamming out, then I ran like hell!"

Kip stopped and thought on what he'd just said. He hadn't planned on playing along with Reb, but Reb seemed pretty calm and receptive with it, and there had been a connection during their unexpected jam that hadn't been there before. He could almost sense where Reb was going before he got there, and while he hadn't counted on there being a way to go as far as that, it was helpful in being able to further understand Reb's way of thinking it through. It was also something outside of the box to work around like Kip had been thinking about trying to go for.

Maybe _this_ was the way. At least the beginning of it.

Reb sat back with his now-retuned guitar across his lap and his hands on his hips. "So where do we go from here?"

"Let's not mess too much with what's working for us," Kip warned. "I'm thinking we're just going to try and build off of what we just did, and we'll see where we go from there."

"Reconsidering what we played?" asked Reb.

"Yeah. Try and think back to what we just went through, and if you remember any part of it that you really liked and you want to try and do something with. Kind of like on the two days I had you go all out with it. But we're going to do something different with what you choose this time. Pick one part -maybe two or three if they're something you know you can work in with each other."

Squinting and setting his jaw forward hard in thought, Reb lightly placed his fingers along the frets of his guitar, trying to feel back to where he'd been. He played one progression that seemed to be standard, then a part where he'd thrown a dissonant curveball into a different progression along the same chords, as well as a few small fills in between he figured he could hook the riff sections together with in some way.

"So those?" asked Kip.

"Yeah." Reb nodded, looking weary in his eyes.

"Sounds like one that has a good number of possibilities around it. I'm wondering what would happen if you take those two riffs -especially the more standard of the two -and try putting different things around it so you start forming possible complete lines in your mind. Maybe that would make it stay," Kip suggested. "Do you want to try and work something out with it? As in here and right now?"

Reb shrugged. "I dunno. I guess."

"Come on, Reb. Try it. If you decide to do something different with that riff, you can. Prospecting around a starter to a line can be fun whether you use it or not -it's kind of like jamming with a strategy. And trying to work it out as it comes, even though I didn't think of it right away, that might be just the thing for someone like you."

Looking skeptical, but not having any better ideas, Reb turned his chair and sat to face Kip. He was beginning to feel nervous again, thinking about what could happen if the limited options he had didn't work. He was almost afraid to try this, and the fear and disappointment of having another failed attempt.

"Hold on one second." Kip situated his bass beside himself in reach, then retrieved his paper pad and pen from the table, beginning to jot down notes. Reb also rechecked his guitar to make sure the other strings hadn't shifted out of tune, then slid forward to sit on the edge of his chair, leaning forward over his guitar to almost curl in on himself. His typical nervous posture when holding a guitar.

As he leaned forward, Reb's eyes made connection with Kip's pen on the paper pad, and as soon as they did, he felt his chest start tightening. He knew exactly what Kip was writing out. The chord progressions.

_Oh no. Not that. We've already been through that..._

Kip looked up and could practically feel Reb tensing up just looking at him.

"The paper is what I'm using to keep track of what we're doing here. Unless you want to look at it, you don't have to even lay eyes on what I have written down. I'm not gonna make you do it that way, because I know you'd rather not. You do what makes you feel comfortable -by touch on the fretboard and what you hear yourself doing."

"Oh." Reb breathed a sigh of relief, still sitting on the edge of his chair nervously. "I thought you were going to make me read off the chord and note names you wrote to try and remember it by like you were suggesting last time."

"Nope." Kip smirked knowingly. "It's not for you."

Reb looked back down at his guitar, trying to dispel the nerves tying his stomach into knots. He had to wonder in moments like these if he really had a stomach there, or if it had been completely tied off inside a bundle of nerves.

"What you have sounds good, and I'm trying to analyze the relationship here between the chords you have, and I'm also putting down what I know is complementary so that I can kind of see ahead of you and understand where you're going when you're working with this. And then if you spring another surprise, I can look at how you did that and understand what sounds you're going for," Kip explained as an attempt to make Reb more comfortable, then finished putting down his notes from what Reb had selected.

Reb couldn't hold back the question jumping around his mind and stinging him up inside.

"What if this doesn't work, Kip? How many things can I do, and what if there really isn't anything that works?"

Kip looked up, then picked up his paper pad and set it down on the floor under his chair and out of the way. Reb looked at Kip questioningly at this action, to which Kip returned full eye contact before speaking.

"There's something out there that works for you. I know it. For you to be able to play the way you do, there's no way that there isn't one. It might be something that I haven't come up with, but if it comes down to it, we keep digging for it. I'm not leaving on tour until we figure it out, Reb. And if I do, then we're going to be working it out over the phone or something, because I'm not giving it up at this point whether you do or not."

"So it's a contest to see which one of the two of us are more stubborn about it?" joked Reb meekly.

Kip shot his hand up to point a finger in the air in a typical 'aha!' expression.

"If that's what's gonna help you stay motivated, then go for it. I'll play along, and it's gonna be a rough one too. But now, let's just try this and we'll see what happens. You won't lose anything you do have."

"Okay. I'll go for it." Reb set his guitar back up into position.

The next hour consisted of testing in completely new things between the main theme of the line Reb had deemed with the riffs he chose. Kip's reasoning was that mixing that with other parts he had thought over rather than just pulled out might be more likely to trigger his memory. Reb tried different possible turns in the mood and key of the line with the help of Kip, who under Reb's guidance held down a simple pedal tone on his bass fitting of what Reb wanted to go for to match different fills and progressions up to. Reb could hear if something he wanted didn't match, and asked Kip to change the tone so he could work around different complementary chords. 

Whenever Reb chose what he preferred of his prospected lines, Kip wrote in his notes and analyzed it, and completed his writing as Reb finally hooked back around to his initial theme he'd chosen.

"Alright." Kip skimmed over the notes from the beginning. Everything appeared to flow together in a way that made sense and seemed like it would be possible to memorize by how it fit -even if there were some unusual shifts.

Just as he was getting ready to speak to Reb, Paul appeared in the doorway. "Kip, Alice is asking for you-" 

Paul stopped abruptly, holding up his index finger as a signal to wait as Kip looked up wearily.

"He says he can wait twenty minutes or so if you're not done here, but the engineers are getting testy, so don't hang out much longer than that." He looked over to Reb then, apologetically. "Sorry to be the bearer of bad news and break up the party -I'm only the messenger!"

"It's okay." Reb looked up at the clock, noticing Kip glancing up to it and becoming curious to see for himself. It was almost 1:00. A lot later than he usually stayed in. Had it actually been that long? It didn't feel like it had been well over two hours.

"Tell Alice I'll be there in no more than twenty. It's actually been a long session here, and it might be about time to stop for today anyway."

"I heard some stuff from the lounge and it sounded like you two were doing pretty well," suggested Paul kindly, provoking Reb to look down bashfully. "I thought it sounded good. I'll go tell Alice you'll be there, Kip." He turned to leave. 

As soon as Paul left, Kip turned back to Reb. 

"I don't want to go on too long and tire you out, because overdoing it won't be so good trying to keep this intact either."

"Okay. I feel alright, but I get it," agreed Reb.

"You know what you put together, so right here before you leave, I think you should play through it real quick just to get an idea of what the whole thing sounds like, and then don't even worry about it the rest of tonight. When you come back tomorrow, we'll go right back to it instead of waiting a day like we did those couple of times, and see what happens."

Quickly, Reb played through the line. It came naturally and he felt pleased with it. Kip seemed pleased with it too.

"Alright then, Reb, I'll see you tomorrow morning," Kip said as Reb packed up his guitar.

"I think we did a lot better today," Reb mused.

"We did," confirmed Kip. "You did great too, and we'll try and continue with that."

For once, Reb didn't feel quite so tired out leaving the studio for the day.

He was still incredibly nervous the next morning getting in the car to go back. Irrational as it seemed, Reb couldn't help but fear the worst internally. But this time, he was more eager to get in and see what happened overnight. He'd felt something different yesterday. Maybe the outcome would be different too.

Reb made it on time again at 10:30, and today, Kip was already waiting in the lounge for Reb.

"I wasn't going to keep you waiting two days in a row," was Kip's playful remark this time as Reb got unpacked. "Ready?"

"If everything continues to run smoothly, I think so." Reb pulled his guitar strap around his shoulder and plugged in his portable amp.

"So we can try and ensure that happens, I''m thinking we're going to pick up right where we left off yesterday." Kip looked over at Reb expectantly. "Do you wanna try and play through what you came up with?"

Reb looked up. "What do you mean? I thought we already did yesterday."

"Try playing through it now is what I mean, so we can see how much of it you retained. If you want, I can kind of go along with a basic bass line like how we did to expand the riff, and build into it so you can get a feel for what it would be like applied into a song. Or you can just play it alone and see what you've got."

"Sure, I guess," said Reb. "Is it any different playing it all the way through if you know what the parts all sound like?"

"I think it is," said Kip. "For nothing else, it's satisfying to hear it all come together. Or at least I find it that way. Maybe you will too, and maybe it'll even help you pull things back." He picked up his bass from its stand next to him and strapped it on. 

"Let's try it. You get it started." Kip paused, seeming to spark an idea in his eyes. "Actually, you play through alone the first time just to see what you retained of it, and then we can do it again together just for kicks to see what happens if you've got an accompaniment."

Carefully, Reb started out on the line he'd completed yesterday, standing up from where he'd been against the edge of the table. The basic progression part of the riff that it started with was there, but that only told less than a fourth of what was going on. 

_Please let this work,_ Reb thought inwardly as he lowered his head, concentrating hard on what he felt in his fingers in conjunction with what he heard. 

Reb was surprised as he made it through most of the line, including the parts of the riffs he had, but there were a few places he felt himself staggering over. Something was tweaked -some fill had a couple of notes in it that were different. It sounded okay, but it wasn't what was supposed to be there, and Reb couldn't feel or hear what it was. The most insulting part was the part of the line he'd purposefully added in an unexpected chord to the progression. He was getting close to the chord, but it wasn't exactly on it, and it made the shift in the line feel disjointed.

"Well, you have a good portion of it retained -more than half of it this time," mused Kip as Reb stood silently with his guitar after playing through, looking discouraged as usual.

"Yeah, it's more than usual," Reb sighed glumly.

"But I know you want to do better than that, and I think if we work at it here, you might." Kip picked up his bass. "Just one more time, Reb. With me. Then we can see about trying something else."

Sighing deeply, Reb started again, questioning how significant the difference, if any, would be aside from him not playing alone.

There was at least something comforting hearing the bass under him, Reb noticed almost immediately. It seemed to pull the chords together, keeping them on track like a foundation supporting them from underneath. The nerve wracking part of playing alone was subdued too, which Reb chalked up to there being something else to partially cover up any deviation from his intended line and make it less taunting.

Reb closed his eyes following his intro riff. He was coming up on the first fill he'd only half-managed, and he didn't even want to see his fingers land on the same errant notes.

However, this time he heard something different, and reflexively, his fingers seemed to shift positions as if the sound he heard beneath his guitar was guiding them and driving them along. Every note on the lick came out sounding right.

Opening his eyes and looking down, Reb realized with a flinch that was because they _were_ right. They were what he'd played yesterday.

_Maybe..._ Reb started to think to himself, then tossed his head lightly as he continued along with Kip as if to shake off his thoughts before they could get running. He could question what had just happened and whether it was working or not when he got done. Breaking his concentration wasn't going to do him any favors.

A flutter went through Reb's chest as his heart skipped a beat. He realized a second later why.

The definitive chord that he'd thrown in yesterday that made his line completely different had just fallen into place. He'd missed it a second ago, but it came back to him. 

_Yeah, that's the right one!_ he thought to himself. The line was coming back. As soon as he realized it, he didn't even have to think and dig to try to remember what he'd played. He could hear it inside, and almost effortlessly, he played it out until he returned to the original progression and hit the last, resolving chord in unison with Kip, before silence took over. Just a slight reverberation off the walls of the sound remained.

_Wait a second... What just happened?_

Reb looked up slowly to meet Kip's eyes. Kip had a pretty similar look of shock in his eyes to Reb's, except he was involuntarily grinning eagerly.

"What do you think?" asked Kip expectantly, already sensing Reb was having a good reaction.

Gasping slightly, Reb gawked in disbelief, looking around uncoordinated between his guitar, the amp, himself, Kip, Kip's notepad, and back to his guitar. He couldn't make heads or tails of what had just happened, but all he knew was he was so happy he could hardly see straight.

Then Reb took an unsteady, awkward step to the side as a wave of dizziness crashed down on him out of nowhere. He felt okay -not any feeling of sickness, and the knots that had been in his stomach were as loose as they'd been in weeks. But his vision went spotty and he couldn't control the feeling that he was going to stagger over on the floor.

"You need to sit down?" Kip was already pulling a chair out from under the table as he asked as if he already knew the answer and was asking rhetorically.

Reb nodded, stepping forward shakily. He felt his legs give out almost as soon as he was over the chair and he dropped down in it hard.

"Well," he started, beginning to stutter. "I, I don't th- I've never been able to do that. Not before. It's never just come back -especially after I'd already forgotten it."

"It's exactly how it was yesterday. And I think it sounds great," said Kip, just enough enthusiasm in his voice for Reb to pick up on. "How do you feel about it?"

Reb slowly blew out an exhale, resting his elbows on his knees, leaning over, and holding his head in his hands trying to get the world to stop spinning.

"It feels pretty good." Reb whispered.

"A little overwhelmed again?" asked Kip. He knelt down on the floor, not sure whether it was more to be able to hear what Reb was saying better, or be down on level with him to help him calm down.

Reb nodded, exhaling hard and whispering. "No shit, yeah."

"It's in a good way this time though."

Reb held out a hand shakily to the side in the universal posture of being lost for solid words.

"Yeah, it is, and..." Reb paused, shaking his head again. "Oh for pity's sake, this sounds ridiculous, but I don't know what to do with myself right about now."

"Sit still for a minute here and take a breather," ordered Kip. "Holy cow, Reb, you're shaking pretty hard. Let's just wait a second here and settle down."

Reb broke off in what he assumed was nervous laughter. Not so much from feeling nervousness, but from the relief of a great deal of it finally letting up on him.

"I didn't know I could do that. I was starting to think I never would."

"Hey, that means you can do more than you thought," said Kip. "I'd say that's a good thing if you ask me. You had it in you -you just needed something to pull it out."

Reb came up finally, sporting a subtle, tired smile. His cheeks were still flushed with exertion.

"I think we found it."

"And there might be more than one way for you too," Kip reminded. "We can keep trying other things to see if there's anything else that works, or we can stick to the likes of what we did here."

"Maybe we can try a few other ways," Reb agreed. "But I think this is the one I'm going to prefer."

"Then we'll alternate," Kip declared. "We'll set aside a couple of days to try something else, but between everything different we try, we take a couple of days to jam together like this, unless you find something else you end up liking better. We're going to repeat what we did at least twice though -just to make sure it continues to work for you."

Reb nodded. "Sounds good."

"I would say we could try and work something out again now, but I think we should leave today at this," decided Kip. "You're in with Fiona this afternoon, right?"

"Yes. I have until 2:00 though, and it's only a little after 11:00," Reb warned.

"Well," said Kip, looking up in thought, "maybe I'll check in with Alice as to what I can do. He might give me a little bit of time between 1:00 and 2:00 o'clock, and we can just jam for fun this time. You need to relax a bit now though so you don't go over there worn out. We've only been in here half an hour, but that was a pretty big half hour for you. I'm a little tuckered out too."

"Okay." Reb held up his hands in front of him to assess himself. His shaking had settled down and his dizziness had gone away too, leaving behind a feeling he couldn't quite describe, but it was the best he'd felt in as long as he could remember.

"Is there anything I can do until then, or any place I should go where I'm least likely to get in the way of you all?"

"You're welcome to hang out in the lounge -we can go on in there actually for now," Kip suggested. "Fair warning though -Paul's probably back now, and he may or may not start joking around between us. Paul and I can get pretty crazy, and that goes for when we have others with us, and when it's just us alone. Alice has referred to the lounge as 'the nuthouse' a couple of times."

Reb laughed this time out of complete humor rather than nerves. He imagined Alice had said that jokingly or affectionately from what he'd seen of him, but it definitely sounded like something Alice would say, and conjured up some crazy images of a band goofing around in the studio.

Kind of where Reb hoped to be one day as much as he hoped to also tour within a band.

"Alright," he said, standing up and following Kip into the lounge. The next hour before Kip got called in with Alice ended up being the most fun Reb had ever had simply hanging out and not playing anything in a studio. It also confirmed to him that Paul was indeed funny and in general a great guy.

Kip didn't end up getting back until five minutes before Reb had to go next door.

"Alice says I don't have anything tomorrow, so I won't be in. Monday?" he asked.

"Monday," Reb repeated firmly.

"Alright. Good going today, Reb. Let's make it happen again next week."

The nervous internal voice didn't even taunt Reb with questioning if he could do it this time. He had a good feeling that he would.

And there was no question this time as to whether he was looking forward to it or not.


	6. Later, Not Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Over the course of two months, Reb finds solutions working with Kip as well as things they have in common. But all good things must come to an end, and at the end of two months together, Reb and Kip go separate ways. Kip is leaving on tour with Alice as Reb finishes his current session with Fiona. Saying goodbye ends up being harder than Reb originally thought it would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These two have turned around 180 degrees from the start. It's an emotional chapter here. Prepare the feels!

Reb was greeted by Alice Cooper at the studio door when he arrived on Monday. Actually, Alice wasn't there to greet him, but was there preparing to go out.

"Hey, Reb, you're making it in pretty early today." Alice pointed at the clock on the wall, which read 10:15.

Reb blushed. "I got out this morning faster than I usually do. I guess I was ready for it today."

"You look a lot happier than last week, which is good to see. I could hear some things on Friday, and it sounded good too. And I hope you're ready, because Kip's in the lounge and ready for you."

Reb nodded hastily, unpacked his guitar, and went in as Alice walked out of the building behind him.

As he got to the practice lounge, Kip looked up from where he was tuning up his bass. 

"Well, you really got here early today," he quipped.

"Alice just told me the same thing at the door." Curiosity set in on Reb. "Where's he going off to anyway?"

Kip grinned mournfully and shook his head.

"So far, I seem to have escaped the discomfort plague. Paul, Ken, and Devlin, not so much. I'm hoping I won't be joining them shortly."

"What happened to them?"

"A whole bunch of different things," said Kip matter-of-factly. "Ken went at his drums too aggressively on Saturday -he was excited to finish off a track, hyperextended his elbow and his back, and he's feeling sore trying to play today. Paul woke up not feeling too good with a sinus headache this morning -probably coming down with something, and Devlin is already sick. Alice told them that if they had to go home, they could, but they said they'd try to hang with it anyway, so he's going to the store a few blocks down to get them some ibuprofen. They opted to tough it out, so he wants to at least make things a little less uncomfortable for them."

"That's something." Reb shook his head and gave a short laugh. "You wouldn't picture Alice being like that knowing what he's like onstage."

"No, he's nothing like how he is there at all," Kip agreed. "He will push us and challenge us, and sometimes he can get annoyed at us, but that almost never happens. I've only seen it once -I can't remember what Kane did. He probably got temperamental with one of the engineers, but Alice had him looking really taken aback, and I don't want to be on the receiving end of one of those scoldings if that was Kane's reaction. My guess is it was for good reason though -we can all tell that Alice really cares about us and wants us to do well and be okay. It's tough love -and as long as there's respect from us, he looks out for us."

"Well, whenever I hopefully get into a touring band, I hope it works that way between us all," Reb declared.

"Heck, I hope to start my own project some day, and I'd take the same idea of looking out for each other right with me. Wouldn't have it any other way. If you're a band living together more than half the year, you have to function like a family and really care about each other -or at least if you don't want drama to constantly come up, and that's not worth having." Kip motioned to the side in a gesture that emphasized his tone. "But that's a long way away, since I'm planning on staying with Alice for a good while. And that's enough on that topic for now -we gotta start here for today."

"How are we going to start today?" Reb hitched his guitar up over his shoulder.

"Unless there's something else you'd rather do, I was going to suggest starting with a jam again. Even if we don't do what we did last week, I think it's a good way to start. It's a way to decompress before the nerves can even get started, because once they are, it's hard to turn them off."

"Should we revisit last time?" asked Reb.

"Well..." Kip looked up, contemplating it. "I have a good feeling you're going to retain that one, especially with it being the first where it it really hit. But, for good measure, we'll run through and see what you've got after the weekend, and then we can go into whatever else. Or, you could improv on that for fun if you want -as long as that doesn't confuse you on what you have."

"I don't want to mess with the main line, since I know it." Reb immediately shied away from the slightest risk of losing what he'd managed to retain for once. "I might change up fills, but I wouldn't change the riffs."

"Well, have at it in any way you feel safe to." Kip shrugged and waited for Reb to ready himself and take off.

Reb found it easier to start this time on his own, as though he knew more of where he was going with the line. It was still easier once Kip was playing along with him. He found himself less inspired to change up the fills as he'd expected. However, when he got to the shift in it, some wild burst of energy got into him. He decided to go with it, sliding up to the high notes and soloing on the spur of the moment, not sure if it was his best with a sudden improv, but he made sure to resolve back to the line when he saw a path to do so, and it felt right. When he returned to the riff, it sounded like it fit too.

He continued on, internally questioning if there was anything he should have done differently, until after hitting the last note. Slowly, very slowly, Reb lifted his head with caution and met Kip's eyes.

Kip raised his eyebrows and smirked in a way that wasn't so much a facetious smirk, but one of satisfaction.

"You've still got it," he said encouragingly. "That's a pretty good and complex solo you threw in there too. Did you try and create one for it over the weekend?"

"Actually," said Reb, looking back down and fidgeting with his fingers against the headstock of his guitar, "I kind of just did that now; it came to me as I was playing."

Kip appeared struck by another idea. 

"Can you retain your solos? Or are they different for you from riffs?"

Reb gave a small, bashful smile. 

"I've never had the opportunity to really find out," he admitted. "A solo is something I think of adding in later to complement riffs, and since I would always forget a bunch of riffs, I never really get a chance to add solos to them. I will go at it playing like it's a bunch of solos hooked together, but it's all improv because I don't have anything to put it with."

"From what you're saying, I'm thinking that if still you have the riff, then you might remember the solo because you associate it with the riff," Kip hypothesized. "There's a little more room for variation in a solo too, so you might change it more to your liking later on. But we'll go back to that again throughout this week to see if you still have it too -because if having the riff means you won't forget the solo, that's one less thing you have to worry about."

"I'm hoping that'll be the case." Reb shrugged. "I guess I won't find out until tomorrow -probably can't be entirely sure for a week or so."

"We'll come back to it first thing tomorrow," assured Kip. "And we'll see about looking at some other options that might work for you too."

Reb flinched as a door out in the hallway slammed loudly. "What was that?"

"That's probably Alice getting back. There's a storm rolling in outside -wind probably pulled the door in harder on him than he meant; he usually discourages door slamming. In that case though..." Kip looked up at the clock. "It's almost 11:00 now, and Alice made it sound like he wants me at noon today. He might give me a few extra minutes for the others to start feeling a little better, but let's keep going for now while we've got the time."

"Alright." Reb re-situated himself with his guitar, and they did, jamming before deciding on what Reb could try that was slightly different.

Unbeknownst to Kip and Reb, Alice went and looked in the glass window on the door to see the two jamming away. Reb had an intense expression -focusing hard on what he was playing, but exhilarated and clearly enjoying himself. Kip was a bit more laid back, watching between Reb's action on the guitar and his own bass, but sporting a mile-wide grin.

_Oh yes. I'd definitely say they're doing a lot better now,_ Alice thought to himself with satisfaction before returning to the mixing room. _They're going to get along just fine._

And for the next few weeks, Kip and Reb did just that, running through different ideas, and also spending a lot of time just playing around together. It wasn't just Alice, but practically everyone else in the building who could have sworn that if they'd heard or seen the two in the lounge together, they'd have predicted Kip and Reb to be long time friends -not two guys who had only recently met and started out hating each other enough to come within inches of a shouting match.

Almost two months had passed now, and Alice had finished up all recording, edits, and mixes. While he was dealing with the tedious part between the record company on the release of the album, Kip was now over on Reb's side of the studio with Fiona most of the time, adding in the contributions to the bass lines he'd been recruited to perform on a few tracks.

With permission, Kip and Reb would arrive a couple of hours before everyone else while just the engineers were present, and would have the run of the studio. Without the worry of judgement from others and getting told to settle down by Alice, not only was Kip more inclined to joke around more, but Reb's playful and humorous side was fully emerging too.

They did manage to succeed one time in having a confused engineer look into the lounge and ask if everyone was alright after Reb had made some remark that had Kip flopped back on the couch howling with laughter. Which had only gotten Reb going.

"We're okay," Reb had wheezed out.

So far in the majority of time that they weren't playing around, Reb had successfully found a couple more methods with Kip that worked for him -but all required him to be accompanied in some way. They'd figured out that Reb didn't have to write a whole line right away -Kip playing something complementary to a solitary riff that Reb had forgotten would bring it right back. On one of the days, Paul had come in with a portable keyboard after being asked nicely by Kip, and Reb had been able to bring back a riff to that too. The best part of both ways was that Kip had been correct on his hypothesis -any solo Reb put out stayed with him if he still had the riff he'd connected it too.

And on the last couple of days on Alice's side of the studio when all the recording was done and everyone was just in to confirm final mixes, Alice went over to Fiona's side with a surprise. He was allowing Kip and Reb to experiment with the studio equipment on his side.

"Come on over until you two have to be back here, and have at it," Alice had told them. "Assuming you'll end up where you want to be as of now, Reb, you'll have recording equipment like this available to at least some degree, and it may be able to help you out too. Kip, you've spent enough time shadowing with myself and the engineers that I trust you with it."

The time there ended up giving Reb assurance that should he finally end up in a full band rather than recording in a session, he wouldn't forget any recorded lines or riffs. Any line or collection of riffs he came up with, he could regain if he could play to a recording of it, or a rhythm backing track he made to complement whatever he'd come up with. Though that method was easy if the equipment was available -which wasn't Reb's case for the time being -and it worked so that he could do it alone, Reb found it less enjoyable than the other ways.

It wasn't until their last day on Alice's side of the studio before Kip would be joining Reb on Fiona's side full time when Kip and Reb were hanging around in the practice lounge there for the last time that they ended up talking about where Reb stood with his guitar situation. And though they hadn't planned on it -where they stood with each other too.

"I'm not sure if we'll have time to find very many other methods -probably just variations on what we know works at this point. What do you prefer, Reb?" Kip asked. "You know, which way do you enjoy best, and what are you most comfortable with? These are going to be the last two weeks, so we want to make them good ones."

Reb didn't even have to think on that one, despite not having a clear answer.

"It's hard to say. The recording equipment is the most convenient when it's available, but if I had somebody else with me, I'd rather work with them. Either way, I can't play on my own, it seems. I'm happy with that if it's the only way for me; not sure if everyone else understands not being able to do it myself without something to help me along." 

Reb thought on the last part, wondering how that could affect him in the future as to what he could do, and who would be willing to work with him given his way of writing.

"Is that considered to be a bad thing?"

After five good seconds of silence, Kip gave off a heavy sigh.

"You know something, Reb?"

Reb looked up. "Yeah, Kip?"

"I'll let you in on something. If it makes you feel any better- well, you know I can do a number of things on rhythm. Bass is where I tend to stick around, and I'll do some things on guitar and keyboards when I'm figuring stuff out. But to be honest, while I can come up with a solid rhythm riff for guitar, if you ask me to write, let alone play a full lead with those technical little licks and fills out in there -I can't do it, Reb. Can't do it to save my life. And there are a lot of talented musicians out there with the same problem as me. So, that you can not only come up with that many riffs to form a line with, but also be able to add fills and solos that turn it into a lead that quick, have it composed and phrased enough to be coherent, and execute it right away -you have something a lot of musicians don't."

Reb felt his cheeks heat up at the last few words. He'd heard them plenty of times from professors, but hearing it from just another young gun musician trying to figure out the road ahead was an entirely different thing. Especially when it was from one who seemed to be able to do the things that he couldn't do. It almost seemed that what Reb struggled to do, Kip could, and what Reb could do with ease, Kip couldn't.

He still wasn't sure where that put him though.

"Will it be hard to find bandmates, or a band that would accept me in because of it?" Reb clarified. "Because maybe it sounds stupid and I'm worrying over nothing, but is it something that would be looked down on, given that without assistance or recordings, I have no reliable way to remember what I come up with."

"I see why you'd worry about it, Reb, but it's less of an issue than it seems like by thought," Kip decided after thinking for a moment. "I'm pretty sure there are plenty of other musicians who couldn't write alone who still ended up in bands. That's why bands work in other ways aside from specializing instruments -everyone helps each other out in the writing process. And going outside of sessions, you'd be in a similar place to me, Reb. Even when I go do something on my own in the future -and I've said I don't know when that will be, but I will make it happen someday -I'll have to have a band with me, or I'll have to at least have partners to support me like Alice has if it's solo thing, because I can't do it completely alone. Nobody really can when you consider how many connections famous solo artists have that help them along. Even if I could train myself enough to do it alone, I wouldn't want to do that full time, because I'd be bored to tears too, and I'd still do better with others."

"I guess that's true too." Reb chuckled uneasily. "I'd be bored to tears too doing it alone. After enough time, that probably wouldn't be a figurative statement for me either. Or I could go stir crazy instead."

Kip looked at Reb, trying to catch his eyes, and raised one eyebrow and lowered the other one inquisitively. There was more to that nervous laugh than just realization -something was still bothering Reb, and it didn't have to do with the fear of not being able to end up in a band.

"What is it? Are you okay?"

"I'm okay. I kind of -Kip-" Reb broke off and looked down to his lap, shamefaced. "I'm sorry."

"What for, Reb?" Kip looked even more concerned now -still subtle, but Reb was starting to figure out how to read him. He sat back down. "Tell me."

"It's just -okay, I misjudged you, Kip. I feel bad about it, because I was so frustrated, and I said some things over next door and to Alice, and I wish I hadn't now. I kept saying you didn't understand and that you didn't care -and that wasn't fair of me. To be honest, because of you being able to do things I couldn't, I just saw you as stuck-up. You're not."

Kip sighed and leaned forward, trying to look Reb in the eyes again. Reb was tall enough that even when he was looking downward, it wasn't hard for Kip to get under his gaze while sitting.

"Reb?"

Reb gazed up slowly to meet Kip's eyes again.

"I said a few things to Alice myself that one day that I'm sorry about too. And to Paul through the first week. I'll admit, I was frustrated -and confused -too. I may or may not for a few days considered you had an inflated ego, and I _did_ tell Paul that I was questioning it, and that I saw you as hypersensitive. So, we're even there. If you hadn't said some things behind me -which I expected, I'd be feeling pretty bad about it, Reb."

A lopsided smile hiked Reb's mouth.

"I'm too timid in some ways to have an ego -maybe it comes from trying to act like I'm not nervous when I am. I guess when I get upset past a point, I just get away from myself and can't get back for the rest of the day." He paused and looked up at Kip again. "And I am sorry for yelling like I did."

Kip sighed.

"There's nothing wrong with having a bad day, Reb. Hey, I just said I was frustrated too, so if nothing else we're also even on that. You had every reason to be frustrated that day. And even without all the extra stuff, just about everyone I know more experienced than myself -by a little bit or a long shot-has told me that you'd better expect having at least one thing in the music industry that's going to push you over your limit. It doesn't matter how patient you are. It'll happen -and it already has more than once for both of us."

Reb snorted. "Damn right. I love doing it and I wouldn't want to do anything else, but it drives me crazy half the time."

"But you can find ways to deal with that," Kip cut in. "What matters is how you react to it, and whether those working with you contribute in helping too. If someone hasn't told you that already, ask Alice. He's probably reminded me at least three times this week."

Reb shook his head. "I'll take your word for it."

"Then remember it. Shouldn't be hard -we've been doing it for practically two months." 

"You didn't think that's why I'm taking your word for it?" asked Reb facetiously, trying to perk up some.

Kip groaned, shaking his head and grinning. "Come on, Reb -and now you're going to give me a hard time with that! I couldn't argue about it either, because I wasn't thinking that either. Anyway... All that is done with. It's been done with since that afternoon when we talked about it. Stop worrying about it. I'd like for you to forget about the argument we had, because I already did." 

That was actually true in a way -Kip could make out faded images of the scene when Reb had been upset and yelling, and he remembered feeling bewildered as to why Reb was getting so worked up if he really dug into the back of his mind, but he couldn't recall a single word that Reb had actually said during it. Nor could he really remember what he'd said when he'd gone to Alice afterwards.

"I'll try." Reb snorted again. "If I could remember riffs the way I remember everything like that, I'd be tearing the place up!"

"You would," Kip said with amusement. "We probably wouldn't be here either -you wouldn't need it."

It was then that Reb decided wholeheartedly that he didn't regret not being able to retain riffs unassisted at all. It was also when he realized that Kip wasn't just a patient music nerd with a good heart who was trying to help him out. 

He was one of the best friends that Reb had, and Reb wasn't looking forward to the end of their time together in two weeks.

Inevitably, those weeks flew by so fast that it was as though they hadn't been there. Reb felt it might as well have only been one day between the final time in Alice's studio space, and where he now stood at the end of a day at Fiona's, saying goodbye to Kip just outside the building.

"Looks like this is it with us for now," Kip said as he and Reb walked outside. "This was my last day in with Fiona here, you have two more days left in session with her, and I'm leaving out with Alice in two days. The last-minute packing starts as soon as I get home. Time to make a mess laying out everything I need with me, considering every experience I have with packing stuff up has been crazy. Maybe I'll become an expert with it one day and not make so much chaos -the actual performances are probably the easiest part."

"Hard to believe it's been over two months," Reb made out, almost struggling to form words out of disbelief. 

"Well, if they went so quick, maybe that's because we were having fun through most of it," Kip suggested. "It was a good amount of time though."

Reb agreed on it. "It was fun -and I know that's why it went fast."

In some ways, it felt like it had been a long time thinking back to the first few times he met with Kip, but considering their successful meet ups, he felt like it had barely been any time at all. Everything since the day Kip had come into the lounge running late and they'd ended up in the jam that led to the first major breakthrough had disappeared out from under Reb's feet.

And now this was it. They weren't going to see each other again any time soon, because Kip would be away, and there were no definite plans of seeing each other afterwards.

"So, I guess this is goodbye," Reb stated. A familiar tightness spread through his chest, triggering his heart to accelerate and thump harder and heavier with each beat. It felt deeper inside this time than with regular anxiety, and Reb realized he didn't like the sound of those words. He'd said them many times before, but this time they felt scary.

Apparently Kip didn't like the sound of them either.

"Come on, Reb, don't be so morose about it," he chided. "I tend to prefer 'see you later' or something along those lines. I at least think considering all this we would see each other again some day."

Reb glanced around the parking lot nervously as he involuntarily gulped. "I would hope so."

"You know I care about you," Kip reminded. "And I hope you're going to find a place soon where you can fit in and you're able to do things the way that's right for you. You will find it someday."

"I believe it," Reb whispered, wondering if Kip had said that because he'd admitted complaining to Alice that he'd thought Kip didn't care.

"I might be able to see if Alice can send Fiona our bus number in the next couple of days -and that way you can try calling me if you ever have something you're stuck on and want to ask about," offered Kip. He looked to be changing the subject, trying to perk Reb up. "Or maybe I can send it to your address so that it gets to you for sure even if the mail runs late. That's actually the safer option, because then I know it'll get to you. And if you ever want me to call you from a hotel to check in, I can do that too if time zones work out."

Promptly, Reb wrote down his home address and number for Kip on his notepad. Kip didn't even have a chance to pull out the notepad before Reb had a pen out and held out his hand for it when Kip passed it over.

"Okay," said Kip, immediately pulling the sheet out and keeping a hold on it in his hand so he wouldn't forget about it or lose it. "I'll get the bus contact information sent to you as soon as possible."

"And I'll respond as soon as I get it so you know I have it," Reb added. 

He and Kip then approached each other in what looked like was going to be an awkward handshake, but at the last second, Kip shook his head, Reb raised his arm higher, and it turned into a brief but solid one-armed hug.

"So, later?" asked Kip.

Reb slowly curled his fingers in, producing a timid but steady thumbs-up sign. "Later."

With Alice's side of the studio packed up and dark, and Kip not even present on Fiona's side, the last two days with final agreements on mixes were eerie in the studio. It felt empty and quiet. Reb had never felt so lonely in a studio in his life.

He was grateful to leave for the night, and for the last time of his session as it concluded. That was, until the next day when he had nowhere to go after staying in bed as late as he could make himself, which with his early-shifted sleep schedule was 11:00. Usually, if Reb wanted to, he could sleep in past noon on a day he didn't have anywhere to be, but it wasn't happening today.

The weather was beginning to warm up gradually, and it wasn't nasty outside today. Reb found himself walking around town for a few hours. There wasn't much to do or anywhere he was going, but it was better than sitting inside all day.

Reb came home later to a UPS sheet on his door telling him to go pick up a delivery at his building's postage box.

_What?_ There wasn't any occasion upcoming soon where Reb would have expected a delivery sent from home. And aside from those cases, which weren't very often to begin with, it was pretty rare that the UPS or FedEx truck stopped at the postage box with something for him. 

Wondering if it was a mistake, Reb read carefully over the sheet, only to find his name clearly on the recipient line beside his address and unit number. It wasn't mistakenly put on the wrong door.

Out of pure curiosity, and a mixture of excitement and nervousness, Reb went back out the door to the exterior stairs -which were closer and faster for him than the internal stairs in the middle -without stopping inside first and made his way down the steps a little faster than he ordinarily felt comfortable going with the open slats. He'd already pulled out his access key to the parcel cabinet for his subdivision of his floor by the time he'd accessed the mail room -which was attached alongside the first floor of the building, but secluded from the rest of it and only accessible from outside.

He didn't have to look far in to find the box for him. It wasn't big, but it wasn't tiny either. Reb estimated the box to be slightly under a foot long, eight inches wide, and five inches thick. It had some weight to it -heavier than his lightweight guitar, but not difficult at all to pick up and carry.

_I wonder -what could that be?_ There wasn't any sign as to who it was from on the label either.

Reb made his way back up the stairs cautiously with the box, entering his hallway. He set the box down while searching for his door key and and unlocking his door, then picked the box back up and carried it inside his apartment. Though there wasn't anything on the box warning specifically that the contents were delicate, Reb wasn't taking a chance on it not being so. After closing the door behind him, he sat down on the floor in the front room, carefully poking the teeth of his door key through the tape sealing the opening of the cardboard, dragging it down the length of the edge so the box came open neatly. Then, as if the whole box were some delicate thing that could fall apart in his hands, Reb pulled back the top of the box.

There was something wrapped in a protective foam sheet, but on top was a letter envelope addressed to him too. It didn't have a return on it, having been in the box rather than through the mail, but Reb recognized the writing as Kip's. 

_Maybe this explains what this is all about?_

Gently setting the box aside on the floor next to himself, Reb keyed the letter open, pulling out a folded sheet of paper with a note on it. He leaned back against the wall, pulling his knees up and resting his wrists against them as he held the paper up and read through the note.

_Reb,_

_I'll probably be on the road or setting off on it by the time this gets to you, but I'm hoping it arrives within a week as predicted. In this box is an old single track recorder of mine, and a couple of extra tapes to use in it. They only go up to five minutes, but they can be cleared and recorded over. Alice got all of us new ones with longer durations to use when we're on the road to help him get stuff planned for when we get back in the studio. This one here is still functional, but I don't have a pressing need for two of them, and it's more likely to collect dust in my possession than get used now. However, I know it can be useful to you when you're on your own, so I'd like for you to have it. Use it when you have a riff to help yourself retain it by playing along to your recording until you can work it out and remember it well. You can also call me on the bus like we talked about, and I can help you work it out over the phone like you prefer, but this should help you hold over until a time that you can reach me if timing doesn't work out right away._

_That aside, you'll find my contact information on the bottom of this note for the bus and the mail. Any time you have a riff to work out, call. But if there's something else you want to talk about or if things are getting overwhelming again, you can call me for that too and I'll hear you out. In advance, I'll remind you here that you're going to find a band one day you'll do great in -don't worry about it. And if you have good news on that, I'd like to hear it when you get the chance. You're always welcome to call us on the bus. And as long as I'm on the bus to answer it, I will -if Paul doesn't get to it first. (You know him well enough -he might hold you up and joke around for a couple of minutes first, but he'll relay you over to me.) I'm not with you physically, but you're not alone, Reb. I'm still here._

_-Kip_

Reb was in tears by the time he got done reading. Once his eyes had started burning, there was no stopping them from coming without pausing and putting the note down before he was finished with it. Which Reb was too stubborn for; even he would admit it himself he was too stubborn. Especially after the monotonous day it had been and there was finally something unexpected.

"Shit..." Reb placed the note down in the box where it was safe now that he was finished with the main part of it and breathed deeply. He wiped his eyes, taking a moment to settle down, process everything, and pull himself together.

Not even a full three days, knowing Kip was on his way somewhere miles away, and Reb already missed him so that it had only taken one note and he couldn't keep from crying over it. Which was still ironic to Reb, knowing how he'd first hated Kip so much and wanted nothing more to do with him, saying how Kip just "didn't understand" him and "didn't care."

_Oh, he does. More than anyone else, he does. And with everything he's done for me already, he didn't have to do this to convince me either_. Reb laughed to himself between a few sniffles as he picked the note back up and looked at the quick scrawl beneath the main body of the message.

There, just as he'd said, Kip had put contact information for the bus phone and Alice's road mailing address too. Within minutes, Reb was already drafting a note in his head that he could send in return. Tonight was the first night of Alice's tour, and Kip was probably already onstage tonight and wouldn't be reachable. It didn't stop Reb from beginning to estimate what time he'd be most likely to reach Kip on the phone tomorrow too.

While he was only partially consumed by his thoughts, Reb finally put the note down on the floor, but he put the edge of the paper under his foot. It wasn't going anywhere out of his sight until he had that bus number and address memorized. He cautiously sawed away with his keys at the tape holding the protective foam sheet in place, then pulled the foam off the tape recorder. Sure enough, it had one tape in it, and two tucked alongside it.

Just to see if it worked, Reb rewound the tape that was in it to the beginning, and hit play to see if it pulled the tape through. It did that as expected, but what Reb didn't expect was to hear sound -Kip had forgotten to clear the tape in it.

It was Paul and Kip goofing off together between discussing a potential adjustment to the keyboard line. It was hard to hear, because Ken was playing drums in the background, but there was a lot of laughing.

_Ow! Devlin, stop throwing picks! That one hit right below my eye!_ That was Paul.

_Hey, turn over here and let me see. No, you're fine, it didn't even leave a mark -Oh, Paul! Did you hit the track running on this thing by accident-?_ The recording stopped there as Kip had cut it off.

Ken trying to be serious in the background while Paul and Kip were doing the opposite, and Devlin throwing picks at them to try and make them stop. Reb could picture that scene fairly well in his head, and it was a funny sight. Maybe Kip _hadn't_ forgotten to clear it out and had left it there on purpose to amuse him.

Whether he had or not, Reb took that tape out and placed it on the counter in the kitchen to save for a later time that the apartment felt too quiet to remedy with guitar alone, then inserted one of the blank tapes in so it was ready. He didn't want to clear and record over the initial tape just yet. For now, he'd make do with the other two.

That night, Reb placed his guitar in its stand by his bed as usual in case if some idea came to him in the night. But this time, before going to sleep, he put the recorder on the extra space of his bed beside his pillow, just slightly tucked under the edge of it.

For the first time he could remember, Reb fell asleep without the worry of forgetting a riff before morning.


	7. Phone Calls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reb communicates with Kip while they are apart, and enjoys hearing stories from Kip's perspective on a first major tour.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Night fright hijinks on Alice's bus!

Reb ended up not having to worry about trying to figure out a good time to call Kip the next day.

His sleep cycle had shifted back to its lax state, not set to any time, and he'd ended up sleeping as late as he had in well over a month. It was almost two in the afternoon, and Reb had barely been up for an hour when the phone rang for him.

He picked it up, having a hunch, but hoping it wasn't from home for the moment.

"Hello?"

"I didn't wake you up, did I?"

_Thank goodness_. Calls from home could get a little argumentative whenever Reb had a longer gap between sessions, but the flat, midwestern accent on the other end confirmed it wasn't coming from there.

"No, but if you'd called a couple of hours ago, you would have," Reb declared. "I was debating as to when to call you today, and you beat me to it."

"You barely beat me to it," Kip argued. "I just got up half an hour ago, and that's really late for me, so I can't joke you for sleeping late today. I guess since you were thinking about calling, everything got there on time?"

"Yes." Reb inhaled deeply, then laughed nervously, still unsure how to respond to that. "Man, Kip, you caught me off guard with that one too. I can say thanks, but I guess -that just doesn't tell you enough." He stopped, not wanting to get to stuttering and feeling it coming on.

"Are you alright with the track recorder? I checked to make sure it was working before boxing it up, and I know you don't like the recording method as much-"

"It's not my favorite method -but no, I love it," said Reb, cutting Kip off. "You didn't have to do that. Thanks for everything -and that still doesn't say everything."

Kip gave some combination of a sigh and a laugh sounding almost out of relief.

"No problem, Reb -you don't have to try and say it. I wanted to make sure you weren't stranded with a riff if either of us end up in a busy period where we can't call and you hadn't found someone yet. You prefer working it out directly, so don't think I'm trying to push you away from that -I'll answer calls when I can. I was a little worried you might get upset by it -I guess you're not though, so it's alright."

"No, it didn't upset me at all." Reb paused, then jokingly feigned an indignant sniff. "I'm only mad because you made me cry."

Kip was silent for a second before responding with a concerned tone. "You said it didn't upset you -what did I just do to get you upset like that now?"

Reb let off a short laugh, surprised that Kip had fallen for that imitation. "I was being facetious. I'm not joking about the crying part yesterday, but I'm not upset. It wasn't a bad cry."

"I still don't get -oh!" Reb could practically see Kip shake his head sheepishly and resist laughing through the phone. "Alright, you just got me good," he admitted. "I fell for that one all the way. Didn't sleep as well as I could have last night, and it looks like my wits aren't entirely with me. Well, I'm not sorry for that part if it wasn't anything bad -but I might be a little sorry if I caught you off guard there yesterday. Are you okay?"

"I'm alright -just as bored as ever," Reb decided, before thinking back to their conversation about why it was impossible to play alone and being unable to resist cracking another joke. 

"There -that's what did it; it only took three days on my own and I'm already bored to tears like we figured I'd be!"

"And you sound stir crazy too," Kip quipped. "I guess while we're on the phone, we'd better talk about some interesting stuff to help with that. And you should probably start looking around for a band or at least get yourself in another session for now."

"I'm already waiting on another session I'm on board for," Reb admitted. "I have one offer with Howard Jones, and another with Chaka Khan, but it'll be at least two weeks before the first one goes into session -it should run for three months, and then the other starts a while later, and I'll work both at a time. It'll be a squeeze for time, but at least I won't be stuck with nothing to do like I am now."

"Don't get yourself stuck without a session until you know you've found a band to play with for sure." Kip sounded in wholehearted agreement. "That was a good idea having some lined up already. Just make sure you have some time to play for yourself too."

"I wouldn't ever not leave some -especially now that I have a chance of remembering it. I guess for these next two weeks I have to get myself doing that, or..." Reb trailed off, struck by curiosity. 

"How is band life on the road? Or at least by what you know so far," he asked. "I've always been curious to hear about what it's like from somebody who's still new to it, and if there are any funny stories that come about, I want to hear those too. That's interesting."

"Well, I've already got one funny story from last night." There was a smile in Kip's voice. "Paul and I had a heck of a time last night on the bus trying to adjust to everything. Not in a bad way either, but we sure are glad nobody else was awake. Unless they were in the same boat as us, we might have been a little embarrassed."

"Save that for the end," Reb cut in. "I'd like to end this call in a good place, and that's probably it. Start by telling me just the touring stuff, because I want to have an idea of what it's like for when I hopefully get there. What is it like performing live with a really big audience?"

"You'll get there," Kip assured, before starting off. "We caught our first performance on the way out of the state last night, and we'll be in prep for our performance in Philadelphia in about an hour or so. Performance went pretty well last night, so I know I can get through the set and not be nervous about it. Tonight's already looking to be better, and I'm starting to get excited now. I don't usually get nervous about playing, but I was last night, probably because I didn't know what to expect. It went away once I was playing. Alice said for everyone, the first night of the tour is the most nervous you'll usually get too."

"I've heard that with the first night being the worst," said Reb in agreement. "Unless you have stage fright, and then it can build, and I at least don't have that to my knowledge. How's it with the gore and the snakes?"

"Oh..." Kip cracked up. 

"What, is it bad?"

"No, actually not at all," Kip admitted. "It's probably more a problem for the crew -and Alice had a protocol to test that the crew can deal with it. But when you're onstage -at least I get into such a zone focused on what I'm playing, making sure I'm with everyone else and all -the gore and stage routine is barely there and really just something in the background. I'm lucky to not really be fearful of snakes, and Alice has everything under control in that department. The only really unpredictable part is the audience if they get too wound up. According to Alice though, he's found any violent energy gets absorbed by the gore onstage, and we didn't have any fights last night, so it was a good start all things considered."

"Channel enough energy onstage, and it keeps the audience from getting rowdy." Reb processed the meaning of that out loud. "That's interesting. I'm not sure if I could do it with all the gore though."

"There are probably other ways to reduce problems there," Kip figured. "Alice just does it in his own extreme way."

"Is there anything that did catch you off guard?" asked Reb. "Sorry, but I'm nervous as to what surprises I'm in for. New situations always get me."

"I understand how that is," replied Kip calmly. "I'll warn you about anything that I find that's likely to happen. I haven't really seen anything too bad yet. Navigating the backstage areas in a big touring band setup was unfamiliar and a little overwhelming at first. Kind of had to figure out where everything was, because not everything was crammed in a tiny room like at small, local gigs. And then I got it when I woke up on the bus in the middle of the night with everyone else asleep. Now that was a little scary at first -and that actually has to do with what happened with Paul and I."

"Now you really have me wondering. What's scary on a bus at night?" Reb was curious to know so that he'd know what to expect when he hopefully found himself in a touring band someday. He was also intrigued as to what had really happened, and decided he wanted to hear it now.

"It's probably only scary because I'm not used to it," Kip deflected. "You know, everything's dark, but you feel yourself moving, and sometimes things shift around inside or below the floor and make noise if the bus goes over a bump or changes lanes. I think we had made some sharp turn in the road last night, and something metallic fell out of the cabinet in the kitchen and made a lot of noise. Like an avalanche of metal clanging. That woke me up, and then I startled because I felt like I was falling. Apparently, I had either shifted with the turn, or I was moving around a lot when I was sleeping. I had rolled so I was completely against the side of the guard rail keeping me in my bunk. Without it, I'm pretty sure I'd have woken up on the floor, or falling for real."

Reb shook his head. It was at least good to hear there were safety rails if there was a risk of getting tossed out of bed!

"I guess the first night I go on a bus, until I know I don't sleep restlessly there, I'll be starting out the night all the way against the wall," Reb quipped. "And knowing me, getting nervous at first would make me sleep restlessly whether I'm like that all the time or not."

"I'm thinking that's what did it to me too." Kip decided Reb's guess was as good as any. 

"So what happened after that?" Reb was now sounding eager to know.

"Getting to what actually happened, this is also Paul's first real tour on a bus -he's not used to it and he woke up too. He somehow figured out I was up -probably because I gasped pretty loud when I woke up nearly falling out. Then, there we were sitting up in our pitch dark bunks, all on edge and whispering to each other trying to figure out 'what in the world was that?' That felt spooky on its own because we we could hear each other, but we couldn't see each other or anything else until Paul turned his flashlight on. We were probably only winding ourselves up worse than we were to begin with and getting set up to not be able to fall back asleep."

Reb laughed nervously. "Damn, that would probably creep me out more than Alice's gore onstage potentially would. I wouldn't be falling back asleep after that."

"And we couldn't either!" exclaimed Kip, sounding amused that Reb had beaten him to that. "We tried -I think it was about twenty minutes later, and Paul whispered for me again to see if I was still up, and I was and had just been getting ready to ask if he was too."

"Night frights on a bus. Seems like it would happen with Alice Cooper," Reb quipped. "What'd you do after that?"

"We were both too keyed up to go to sleep by that point. So we ended up walking around the bus together with our flashlights to go figure out where the noise came from. We weren't going to be able to sleep until we found out. And you know how it is in the dark when you can't see too well other than what's right in front of you, and it screws with your sense of balance so the slightest shift in it feels like you're going down. Each time the bus hit a bump, sped up, or braked, Paul and I kept putting a death hold to whatever was around us we could see to grab onto, feeling like we were falling. Half of the time we were just grabbing each other, not that it was going to do us much good!"

"Yeah, then if one of the two of you were to fall, you'd just knock the other of you down. That'd be great going. Did you ever figure out what happened, or did you all end up giving up trying to get there with all the trouble?"

Kip laughed out loud at the idea of almost managing not to fall, only to have Paul grab onto him in an effort to stay upright and take him down with him. That would have been embarrassing even without anyone else up, but it was a funny picture.

"We did make it to the kitchen, and we found it too. Funny thing is I guess for being startled, I was still pretty well half asleep, because I can't remember it, but we figured out what did it. I think it was a couple of thermoses, and they'd fallen out of the overhead cabinet and into the metal sink. Paul and I were just laughing at ourselves for getting so freaked out over nothing, and then trying not to make noise and wake everyone else up too. That would have gotten us an extra lecture from Alice about getting enough sleep to keep our energy up. I don't know if Ken would be very pleasant if we woke him up either. Devlin's claimed to not be too bad, but Kane has warned us that he gets pretty cranky and even told us not to wake him up at night unless it's serious."

"You didn't wake anyone up and find out for sure, did you?" Reb sounded thoroughly amused at that idea -not so much because he wanted Kip to have gotten lectured, but more because of what other ridiculously chaotic things might have happened if there was a third person up.

"Oh no, we didn't, and I don't think I was ready for that either. As soon as I knew it was nothing, I hauled it back to bed before I could creep myself out with anything else. Paul decided that he wanted some water and stayed in the kitchen, but he made it back to his bunk sometime after I went out, because he was still asleep in it when I got up today."

"Depending on the reaction, it might have been funny." Reb shook his head. "It was funny enough though. Man, I wouldn't be so bored if I had a night less than half as exciting as that. Who'd have known the first night of the tour would have most of its excitement on the bus?"

"Kind of ironic, huh?" Kip chuckled. "It's a little bizarre, but it's a lot of fun too. You'll get to it one day, and you'll probably be nervous at first, but you'll have a lot of fun too."

"If you got nervous, I know I'm going to be nervous. That's a given." Reb could never deny his shy side. Even in small settings, like starting a new session, he felt unnerved at first.

"Anyway, Reb, are you doing alright? We're about on time -good thing I told that story when I did, because we're about to arrive at our venue for setup."

"I'm figuring it out. When I get back in session, it'll be better."

"Keep yourself busy until then," reminded Kip. "I'll try to call at least every three days for next couple of weeks if it helps."

"You don't have to do that if you're pressed for time. Don't worry about it."

"I won't worry about it if you promise not to let yourself get too stir crazy." Kip sprung a joking tone. "And no tears when I hang this phone up, okay?"

Reb snorted. "Hopefully not. I think I'll be okay."

"Well I hope you at least think that. Alright, Reb, I gotta go. Alice is already starting to gather things up to get off the bus. We'll try to manage another call before the end of the week -I'll probably have more interesting things to tell you by then."

"Alright, talk later."

"Hey, you remembered this time." Kip had a smile audible in his voice behind the flat tone. "Later, Reb."

Only a few minutes after hanging up, Reb went and picked up his guitar. He hadn't played it since the last day with Kip, nor had he felt the usual desire to play it, but he wondered if now was just the time to see if inspiration for a riff struck.

There was still an empty, lonely feeling, but it was slowly but surely beginning to get better.

Over the course of the tour, Kip and Reb continued to make phone calls, and even managed to jam over the phone at least once a month. The unfortunate news they found out was that they wouldn't be seeing each other at the end of the _Constrictor_ tour. With portable recording equipment, knowing that Alice would have the same lineup for the next album, _Raise Your Fist and Yell_ , everything was recorded on the road, and it would only be a two week stop to get everything edited. Falling right in the middle of the time that Reb was balancing another two sessions at once. Considering one was The Bee Gees and the other was Twisted Sister, it was a demanding load that didn't leave him with time to catch Kip in the short time he was back in town. Kip seemed to be tied up whenever there was the smallest opportunity that Reb had free time.

Reb couldn't help but feel disappointed over it, despite knowing it was good that they'd been able to work everything out on the road so well. Kip was disappointed too, but on the day of departure, getting an idea of the tour schedule, he called Reb in positive spirits.

"Hey, after this next run around the states, we have a three week break before going off to Europe again. We will have a couple local gigs scattered here in the city, but other than that, there won't be anything big going on."

"I don't know if I'll still be in session then, but if you're not tied up, there should be a point where we could work it out," Reb said slowly, trying to think as to how long his next session would run. "I only set myself up with one after this two-session period to give myself a breather before doing it again."

"I told you to keep yourself busy, but I didn't say drive yourself insane," Kip mock-scolded. "One session is fine for that time. Take it easy. Anyway, other than the two nights we'll have local gigs, I'm alright, so when that time comes, I'll tell you those nights, and then you can just tell me whatever other times work. I think it should be in roughly a little over four months."

"That-" Reb paused, thinking to himself. "My session should be ending at that time then, so it definitely won't be a problem. Yeah, we'll see each other then."

"Well, I'll be looking forward to it. Four months," declared Kip.

"Four months. Probably not as long as that actually sounds." Reb was hoping they would go fast. Four months could be so fast, but could also drag on forever, and looking at them from the starting point, they definitely felt longer.

"You told me you're finishing your two current sessions in three weeks and starting the one after a week in between?"

"I did," Reb reminded.

"Keep yourself as busy as possible with that -without stressing yourself out like you are now, and it'll help some. If it ends right before, that's really going to help speed up the time for you. And then we'll have a good amount of time to catch up before you have to find another session."

Little did Reb know the session he'd be taking leading up to reunion would be his last as a session-only guitarist. And little did Kip know that he would be seeing Reb then again a lot longer than he anticipated, or that he wouldn't be going to Europe with Alice again.


	8. A Big Break -In More Than One Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kip's time with Alice Cooper's band ends with a painful night in the emergency room and hard news to swallow. However, not all is tragic, as there may be a break in the roadblock for Kip as inspiration strikes and it's not only a road forward for Kip, but also for Reb, who has also found himself stuck at a hurdle.

"So this is it for the next two weeks before heading off to Europe -because you all had the other local gig the night before last. And you want to start packing up stuff to send over from here, right?"

It was over a couple of hours post-performance and into the wee hours of the morning. 4:00 AM. The backstage visits and meet and greets had settled down. Alice had stayed the longest there, having more in line for him -everyone else had left to the dressing room concourse almost an hour ago to shower and change. They were now, to Alice's knowledge, hanging out and getting up to typical harmless trouble while waiting until they got the green light that their gear was taken down, retrieve anything they weren't sending right over to Europe, and go home. One of the roadies was checking in with Alice to make sure which of the standard band gear as opposed to personal gear he wanted packed up and already on its way being shipped to Europe ahead of time.

"Yeah, this is it. We're all set to ship the amps, monitors, and rigs overseas. We shouldn't have any problems with you all starting with packing them up tonight and tomorrow."

As soon as the roadie turned and left, Alice's monologue seemed to continue silently in his mind.

_But... Funny, I always get this weird feeling that something bad is going to happen right before it happens, and I have that feeling now. Question is, what's it about?_

As soon as the thought laid itself out in Alice's mind, he got his answer.

He had just turned around as Ken Mary came barreling around the corner and through the door, nearly tripping over the threshold. Just looking at Ken made Alice feel like asking a pathetic _what did you do?_ He had the wild look in his eyes a person only got when something bad had happened, and Alice knew whatever it was that had Ken tearing through the place was what he'd been fearing.

"Ken, what in the world are you running through here for-?"

"Alice, you'd better come _quick!"_

Alice took a cautious step toward Ken.

"I'll follow you, but I'd appreciate it if we could walk over, and I need you need to tell me what happened. Preferably calmly."

Ken walked speedily ahead of Alice -as fast as he could go without running -firing off a string of rambling. So much for calmly.

"He fell backstage -slipped on something that got spilled. It looked like the blood. I think he landed funny on the outside of his knee and shin, and I don't know if he's injured and how bad, but he won't get up and he looks like he's in a lot of pain-"

"Who did?" demanded Alice as he and Ken got to the door to the backstage area. He pushed past Ken and inside the door to get a look for himself.

Kip was curled up on his side on the floor, eyes squeezed shut, visibly writhing in pain. Reflexively, he kept curling and extending his toes and flexing his ankles in an opposing motion like a cat kneading its paws. Alice had noted it was something he'd seen a few others do when something hurt really bad and they couldn't stand it. He didn't have to ask to know that Kip was in agony.

What told Alice the location of Kip's injury was how one of his legs seemed to move less, being more tensed and rigid, and Kip had a hand not on his knee, but slightly behind it and below it. He kept acting like he was trying to grab at it, but it hurt too much to really handle it.

Alice knelt down next to Kip, going to lightly palpate Kip's knee and upper shin to get an idea of just how bad it was. Kip wasn't by any means a weakling that couldn't handle dealing with discomfort, but he didn't have an incredibly high pain tolerance. While it could have not been as serious as it looked, Alice had an uneasy feeling with Kip acting like this. He was the type Alice would expect to try and dial back a reaction, and what Kip probably wanted to do was even more extreme if he was openly putting himself in such a vulnerable position.

He hadn't quite made contact when Kip reflexively jerked his leg back, letting out a cry of pain at the motion.

"Don't touch it!" he groaned, panting heavily. "It hurts _so bad."_

"Don't. Move." Alice's voice was low, rigid, and as serious as anyone had ever heard it. "Keep it absolutely still -if it's broken, and if you move it, you're gonna want to scream even more. You have to stop it with that pedaling, because it's only making it worse."

Alice watched as Kip tried to gradually reduce his frantic movement.

"I know that's not easy to stop with that much pain, but if you stay stopped and keep it relaxed, it'll hurt less. Now, it's still going to hurt like a bitch -I won't lie about that."

Kip shifted his head against the cold tile floor like he was trying to nod in understanding.

"I'm going to try and get an idea of how bad this is, Kip. We're still going to send you to the ER, because if the pain is that bad, it needs to be assessed. I just want to see if this is something we need to try and immobilize before you go anywhere."

"Okay," Kip forced out. He was clinching his teeth as he spoke.

Alice continued to talk to Kip, trying to distract him as much as possible from what he was doing as he reached out to gently poke at the front of Kip's knee, working his way down and feeling for definite fractures.

"You've stopped the pedaling; that's good -but you need to try and stop pointing your toes and holding everything rigid. I don't think you're in the best condition to pull your ballet moves out right now anyway, so there's no sense in trying."

"I don't think I could." Kip gave the tiniest start of a laugh in tandem with a louder, sharply inhaled hiss, then whimpered quietly as Alice lightly palpated. "I can barely even try to bend it right now."

Alice felt a shift against Kip's knee and below it -movement that meant a break in the bone, and possibly more than one. Kip barely had to budge an inch to have the ends shift against each other and trigger exposed pain receptors to fire off in his nerve endings in a way that would have been excruciating to anyone. He winced too.

"I think you'd better let up on that bite too if that's something you can stand to do. That won't make the pain of the injury worse, but your jaw is going to be sore later if you keep that up." Alice sat back. "Alright, Kip, you got yourself pretty good here."

"I would think so." Kip tried to keep his usual sense of humor and wit to distract himself.

"Well, you're thinking right. I'm also thinking we're splinting that with whatever we can find that works, and rather than having a roadie take you in alone, I'm coming too." Alice looked up, meeting Paul's eyes. Paul stood two feet away, looking near-paralyzed at the events unfolding in front of him. He desperately needed a distraction too.

"Paul, I want you to go ask the venue manager for the number to the local emergency room downtown -we passed one that's really not far from here at all. Call them, tell them we're going to be headed in, and that we've got a broken leg at the least. There might be a fracture in the knee too."

"Roger," said Paul, running off for the phone.

"And _don't run_ if anything is spilled where I'm not aware of it. Don't you dare. Because if you slip and fall and get hurt too, I'm not taking both of you in tonight. One of you all is more than enough," Alice scolded.

Paul promptly slowed to a fast walk in the doorway before disappearing through it.

Blushing brighter than Alice had ever seen him blush, Kip tried to duck his head out of his vision. That concerned Alice at first, as it wasn't like Kip to take things personally or get really ashamed at remarks like that, but he chalked it up to the surge of pain and adrenaline, and just how quick that could scatter one's normal senses.

"That said, I'm not angry with you, Kip. It was an accident. If I'm upset with anyone, I'm upset with the crew, and that was an accident in some respects on their part too if they were on the way to cleaning it up. I just don't want anyone running if they still haven't gotten it all up yet."

Without looking up, Kip nodded. He was plenty embarrassed and had the dreadful feeling that it was only going to get worse in that department tonight.

"Ken, I want you to go to the venue manager too, and ask if they have any sort of first aid materials on hand, or anything else for that matter we can use to splint this best as possible. Something flat and long would be best, but even a blanket is better than nothing to restrict some movement if that's all they've got. And you _heard_ what I told Paul about the running - _no more_." Alice went back to giving orders, feeling it was the only way to make the situation not feel completely helpless and keep things calm. "Damn it, whatever we can do to support it -because getting him out to one of our vans is going to be brutal for him."

Ken saluted and walked out.

"Kip, I hate to say it, but this isn't going to be fun for you at all; I apologize for that," Alice warned.

"Could be worse," Kip forced out, beginning to sound worn out. "I could have done this before the show and not even had a chance to have fun onstage before this part." By now, the initial shock of the pain and resulting adrenaline surge were gone. The pain itself was still there -every bit as intense -but Kip had lost the desire to frantically move about with it. He didn't have to fight to keep still anymore, and instead he didn't want to move at all.

The venue manager and another staff member there finally got to the room, having come up with a thick blanket and cloth strips to tie with. The manager recalled having first aid supplies that included splinting boards, but none of the staff could find them. However, tending to prepare for anything that could happen, Alice had researched first aid in the past and ways to improvise. By rolling the blanket up and tying it to Kip's leg, it reduced the range of motion which it could be bent to almost nothing. He couldn't get it entirely immobilized, but it helped.

"This is as good as we're going to get -it should get us there." Alice stood up and turned to a crew member he'd been relaying information out to the roadies through. "Let's just get going now. I'm thinking I might want to get another roadie to take him out to the van, just because somebody stronger can move him in a more steady position than someone struggling-"

"I'll help." Kane Roberts came in from the hallway, having heard the discussion.

"You sure?" asked Alice.

"Yeah, I can help you -unless you'd rather get a roadie."

Kip decided at that point he really didn't care so much, as long as whoever did it tried their best to minimize the pain. Kane was as good as any roadie by Kip's means, and considering he wasn't busy trying to pack equipment up, he wouldn't rush getting to the van and make things hurt worse. He wasn't lacking in the strength department either.

"I'm sorry," Kip murmured as they crossed the parking lot, trying to come up with things to say without talking about random craziness to distract himself. Even with a makeshift splint mostly immobilizing him, every movement, including each step Kane took, was painful. And Kane really was trying to be gentle, stepping slowly and cautiously, making sure Kip's injured leg was fully supported.

"Why? I think you got the worse end of this situation, Kip."

"I know, but that doesn't mean it's not an inconvenience for the rest of you trying to get another bass player ready to go within two weeks. I'm more sorry that this is going to send you all on a scramble here."

"Don't be," said Kane bluntly. "Get better, and then either get back when you can, or get on with it elsewhere. It's no different than anywhere else -you gotta do what you gotta do. Alice is going to tell you that in some form by the time you're out of the ER." He helped Kip settle on the first backseat row of the van while Alice held the door open, and the roadie who had volunteered to drive entered the driver's seat. 

Alice looked inside as Kane backed out of the doorway. "All in?"

"I'm as settled as I'm gonna get right now, so yeah, ready to roll here." Kip was holding the splint against his leg reflexively, knowing it was secured, but the seated position that flexed his knee some -even with the restricted movement -was a lot more uncomfortable than being immobilized with it extended out on the floor.

Alice walked around the front of the van, but as he reached for the door handle of the front passenger seat door, he stopped short, and instead went back and got in the seat next to Kip.

"I don't doubt that you can handle being back here alone, but I think it might be helpful if I'm back here in case if you decide you'd rather not be."

"I'm not complaining about you sitting back here with me. I wouldn't have a problem with seating if I weren't hurt, but even if I did, I think that's the least of what I'm thinking about compared to this." Kip pointed to his leg for clarification, despite knowing it was pretty clear what he meant.

"Yeah, I know it. This is the first time I've had anyone within any section of my personnel break something in their body too, and I definitely hope it's the last."

Having just accelerated up to speed on the quieter streets -4:30 and just before the earliest group of morning commute traffic would begin -the van braked hard as a light changed up ahead. As it did, Kip got jostled forward in his seat, causing his knee to get pushed into a mild degree of flexion against his splint and shifting everything. He hissed, sucking air in, then exhaling slowly through his teeth, leaning further back in his seat and putting his arm over his face.

"Yeah, it's a little harder to keep it still in a vehicle. Can't control everything. You keep holding it still from what you can control though," Alice ordered.

Kip nodded again, weakly. He tried to ignore the sharp throbbing that started back up.

"I'm going to warn you, Kip, and I'd probably have to tell you it anyway just because of our contract with management. The doctor at the ER might have to do more than just immobilize you better -what you've got may or may not require surgery if anything's out of alignment. We won't know until they can look at what you actually have going on. I will make sure you get whatever treatment you need -but they're probably going to say you need to take it easy and stay off your leg. I know you've been excited and that this is probably going to be hard to hear, but they're most likely going to advise you to not go to Europe in two weeks, and I'll say it now that I agree."

Kip lifted his free hand from where he was gripping the edge of the seat to slap it over his chest.

"Damn, Alice, I already broke my leg -or is it my knee? -or both? -and now you're gonna go and break my heart too... Come on!" He let off a nervous chuckle that was more out of pain than amusement.

"Now, Kip, if you're cracking jokes here in this van, you can't be but so torn up about it," Alice scolded. "I know that's not news you want to hear. We can't make it heal faster. But it's probably better coming first from me as a warning than from the doctor as an order. We'll see what they say, but you know, I wouldn't be playing around with that stuff. Guys who get hurt like this and don't do the recovery right the first time pushing to get back sooner can get themselves screwed up for life. You need to do what they say you need to do to make sure you recover properly."

"I understand," Kip replied, laughing internally at just how soon what Kane said Alice was going to say had come. They all knew Alice forward and back by now. "I planned on it anyway -I'm not surprised. Just-"

"You're a little disappointed right now."

"Yeah, that's the right word." The pain from the sudden braking and pitch-forward faded, and Kip's body became less tense, but he kept his forearm pulled up and resting over his face. It seemed that not being able to see what was going on made the pain less intense and real.

"Nothing wrong with that." With that, Alice went quiet, watching for the van to approach the drop-off pull through, and monitoring to see if Kip's pain was staying under control or not. It ended up being another ten minutes, silent and tense, before finally arriving.

Luckily, it wasn't the craziest night in the ER, and being in a big city, there were a few on hand. This wasn't one that dealt with trauma cases, so there was less chances of unexpected holdups. With the staff aware that Alice and Kip were coming, Kip was called back to be triaged the second Alice helped him hobble on one foot through the doors. It wasn't much longer before they took him back into the hallway of temporary rooms to sit on a stretcher where he could lay his leg out straight, getting the idea that it was pretty uncomfortable for Kip to have to get in and out of chairs and keep moving his injury. A few minutes later, another paramedic nurse came in and put Kip into a proper brace that stabilized him better.

There they camped out for another hour -before the radiologist called them back for x-rays at around 6:00. It didn't take long to process, and the results confirmed what Alice was afraid of.

"Ooh!" gasped the radiologist with a wince.

"What's the matter?" demanded Alice.

"What, is it even worse than we thought?" asked Kip, still holding a hint of a pained laugh in his voice. He was still past his pain tolerance, but trying to stay cheerful.

"I'm going to want to have a doctor who's more experienced with joints look at this." The radiologist shook his head. "Looking at the position of the fractures and the proximity to the joint, it might be okay, but this might be a case for internal fixation."

"Well, Kip, looks like you're not getting out of here before the sun comes up, and possibly longer," said Alice. "Get yourself settled in for a long day." He turned to the radiologist. "How long should that take?"

"Well, that doctor should be arriving here for the day in an hour or so. If we call him, he might get here a little earlier. What we can do for now is call the nurse, have him put back in a splint and taken back to the room, and then we'll administer something to control the pain until the doctor arrives and we can come up with a solid treatment plan for this."

"Alright, then, fair game." Alice stood up. "Let's go back."

Back in the room, Alice suggested that Kip lie down during the wait, noticing that he was looking fatigued.

"They're eventually going to make you lie back down again anyway -they already did for the x-rays."

"Okay." Kip looked behind himself, attempting to shift around to orient himself lengthwise. Alice placed one hand behind Kip's shoulder and helped him lie down gently so he didn't jostle himself and have the pain catch again, but it was impossible to avoid it completely when Kip opted to roll over and lie on his side, keeping the injured leg up and straightened, but flexing the good one underneath. With a twist in his hips, his chest was down flat on the bed's surface, and he rested his cheek on his arms out in front of him. Alice couldn't help but think that position looked like it would be uncomfortable, but for Kip being as limber as he was, he knew it probably felt natural to him.

"So, internal fixation," noted Alice once Kip got settled and comfortable. "Probably in reality looks and sounds scarier than any of the horror-inducing stuff we pull out onstage."

"Pins. Doesn't that mean drilling into bone?" Kip winced as soon as he said it.

"Depends on what method they go by and if they even use pins. It won't hurt as much as it does now, because those nerves won't be exposed," Alice reminded. "So it's not as bad as it seems. If they decide to do it. You won't feel too good right away, but it'll feel better sooner. Depends on what they think is better for you."

Before Alice could continue further or Kip could respond, the door opened and a nurse came in with a folder, an IV pole with a fluid bag rigged up, and a couple of syringes.

"So we're going to give you some medicine to control the pain while we wait for the doctor, and since you have engaged in high physical activity in the past six hours, we're going to give you some intravenous fluids too. You don't seem too dehydrated, but sometimes painkillers can drop blood pressure, so we want to balance that out, and if you're behind on it, it can drop faster."

"I try not to let that catch up to me and take measures before and after the show, but I could probably use help there still," Kip agreed.

"Have you ever been administered any sort of upper level painkiller?" asked the nurse.

"No, I've been pretty lucky up until now."

"Any allergies?"

Kip shook his head. "Not that I know of."

"Alright, so we'll go by standard procedure and get you some morphine" The nurse pulled a syringe from her kit, and set an inhaler on the counter on the side of the room. 

"The inhaler is for if you experience any symptoms of any allergic reaction. She pointed to the wall. "There are instructions on this sheet on the wall on how to use it. Since you don't have a record of any known allergies, it's unlikely you'll have a problem, but as a precaution, we always have things on hand." The nurse then turned to Alice. "Those are there for you too if it escalates too fast and he needs help with the inhaler or loses consciousness. Call for help too if there are any signs you can see, but that keeps it from escalating as badly until we can deliver antihistamine and epinephrine."

Kip placed his hand down on the edge of the bed and squeezed tightly on the padding to make his veins more accessible. The nurse placed the cannula in the back of his hand, administered the morphine by the syringe through the cannula, and connected it to the IV line before leaving to get on with other patients.

For sterility, the syringe had been chilled earlier. It hadn't gotten down to the optimal room temperature, and Kip could feel the small but powerful amount of liquid travel up his arm in a cold, stinging mass. Cringing, he slid his hand over the edge of the bed and shook it out in midair as forcefully as he could without yanking the cannula as though the motion would shake off the discomfort.

Alice watched carefully, just in case if there was an adverse reaction. What he saw didn't concern him of anything dangerous, though it took a significant effect on Kip rather quickly, as he'd been prepared for.

The nurse hadn't even been away for a minute before Kip was already feeling lightheaded. He held up a hand in front of himself, watching as his close-up sight fuzzed and distorted, doubled, and merged in and out. The outer reaches of the room seemed to be moving too, and he felt the movement.

The next thing either of the two in the room knew, Kip began giggling lightly.

Alice looked up, smirking as he took in the sight. "Feeling a little funny?"

"Yeah, _really_ funny," Kip drawled through his laughter.

"I'm not surprised. Lie back down though in case you start feeling sleepy or dizzy from it. I don't need you falling over where you don't want to." Alice still held the inhaler and watched carefully, just in case. "You don't feel anything else that you would think is a problem, right?"

"Not like I'd expect a reaction to feel -just funny. It feels really weird too. I am kind of dizzy. Not in the sick kind of way -just off kilter and spinning."

Alice cracked up. "Kip, you are drugged up. That's all there is to it."

"I've never been drugged up before," Kip made out, still lightly giggling out of control. He didn't know what was funny, but he had the wildest urge to laugh.

"Well, that's usually a good thing if you haven't had a reason to be before now," replied Alice. "And hopefully, you won't have a reason to be drugged again either."

The dizzy feeling began to subside then into a dull, heavy feeling in Kip's head. The world stopped spinning and tilting, but seemed foggy. The desire to laugh seemed to fade, and the laughing itself felt it was taking hard effort. Heaviness seemed to spread over the rest of Kip's body, making his arms feel like deadweights at his side. A dull throb was starting behind his eyes -not painful, but there was a pulse that he wasn't used to feeling. While he could breathe easily, he felt as though his throat was being squeezed.

It didn't feel funny anymore. It felt bad. _Scary._

Alice heard Kip's laughter fade out, then silence that seemed too deep for him. That was concerning -especially right after he'd been so amused. Unless Kip was the type that had mood swings on it, in which case he realized he'd beat brace himself for potentially either an agitated, aggressive, or inconsolable Kip.

"You alright, Kip?" Alice stood up, trying to get a good look.

Kip squinted in confusion. "I don't care as much, but it still hurts." He winced as he tried to roll over again, seeming to stop trying after a moment. His motions were slow, slightly uncoordinated, and strained. Restlessly, he tried to tap his fingers on the edge of the bed and heaved a sigh as he appeared to have a hard time doing just that.

"That's usually how morphine works. Slows you down."

"I feel really -it's like I'm heavy all over. Kip's demeanor continued appearing shifting toward weariness bordering on fear. His speech was slow and his voice sounded thicker too. "I don't like the way it feels."

"Is there anything else it feels like you don't like?" Alice wanted to make sure Kip wasn't having a bad reaction, just in case. He couldn't understand becoming nervous just from a heavy and fatigued feeling -but then again, Kip would have different tolerances for different sensations.

"Feel's like my throat's being grabbed and squeezed." Kip places his hand on his neck along his windpipe. "Like right here."

"You can breathe okay, right?"

"Yeah." As soon as Kip said it, somebody might as well have pulled the plug on the adrenaline that had seized Alice for a split second. "I'm not having any trouble with it, but it just feels like someone's squeezing, and it's ...scary. I don't like it."

Alice shrugged and sat back down. "Remember that, and you're already steering yourself away from where I was for a while. If you don't like the way those drugs feel, that's a good thing. Soon as you're out of here, you have no reason to take them if you don't want to."

Kip's voice sounded completely groggy now, but still flat and plain as ever. "If they come back to give me more, tell them I don't want it."

"I can tell them that," Alice assured. "Now, if they take you in for surgery, they might give you some while you're waking up, but once you're up and lucid, you can tell them no more again. If you really end up needing it, they can get you something different to help with the pain."

"What difference does it make if it hurts with the drugs?" Kip seemed to whimper over his words this time, altering the pitch, and his breathing was starting to sound shaky.

Alice looked over at Kip before springing a wild, questioning look upon finding Kip curling in on himself bashfully. That was unusual enough on its own, but Alice spotted the reason, managing to land a quick look at Kip's eyes and the unshed tears welling up in them.

"Are you that upset about all this with the tour and being here, or are you getting emotional just because you're loopy? Or is it both?"

Kip made a weak motion resembling a shrug, propping himself up against the pillow on his arms and abandoning his attempt to hide.

"I can't tell. I don't know why I am, so I'd say I'm drugged up and loopy. I know there's not really any reason to be upset about the tour if I'm out since there's not much anyone can do about it. It's probably more trouble for you all than me having to find someone. And it's not anyone's fault -it kind of is what it is." A short, nervous giggle crept into the end of his sentence, but it sounded forced. Whether the morphine was the majority of the reason or not, Alice wasn't mistaking what Kip was feeling, watching him struggle to hold the tears back as he spoke. He'd accepted the reality his mind, but his heart was still in shock, the pain was still severe, and the loopy feeling had him frightened on top of it all. None of those were good feelings on their own -much less put together.

Alice shook his head jokingly, playing along rather than adding to Kip's embarrassment.

"You really are something, Kip. It sure is a good thing you don't like the stuff, because I don't think you'd be able to function with it the way some manage to when they get hooked. You're thankfully not having a dangerous reaction, but you are definitely getting a lightweight reaction."

Kip wiped at his eyes, seeming to miss on the first couple attempts in his loopy state, instead hitting the sides of his cheeks and eventually having to slide his fingers up along his temples to get where he intended.

"Lightweight? I knew I was light on my feet, but I never knew it affected that too," he cracked again before weakly letting his chin fall against the pillow again and letting his shoulders go lax. His upper eyelids were beginning to droop.

Alice groaned. 

"Alright, you're going to be fine. You're overly tired if anything -and that'll really get your feelings playing around."

"Didn't feel too tired until they drugged me up." There was a darker tone creeping into Kip's murmur, and Alice wasn't sure if it was just embarrassment as he calmed down, or if he was getting upset in a different way. He decided to not find out.

"Well, you are tired now, and that's what matters. Nothing wrong with that. Close your eyes and take a nap, Kip. You might as well until the doctor gets here, because waiting awake won't make him get here any faster."

Almost as soon as Kip closed his eyes, Alice watched and listened as his breathing became less shaky, slowed down, and deepened. Barely five seconds to fall out. Subconsciously, Kip flinched and whimpered when he tried to adjust his position again, jarring his fractures, but he didn't open his eyes or lift his head.

Waiting a minute first to see Kip settle and make sure he was fully asleep, Alice got up and walked over to the rolling bed. Gently, he placed the heel of his hand on Kip's back and rubbed softly and soothingly.

"I'm sorry, Kip."

Alice tried not to act pityingly toward anyone when they were aware of it. He knew that could further sink somebody when they were upset. It still was hard for him to see any members of his band hurt. And it was especially hard to see Kip -passionate and enthusiastic as he was -grossly disappointed and vulnerable.

He continued to speak as he pulled the blanket they'd used to splint with on the ride over off the back of his chair and covered Kip up with it, whether Kip could hear him or not. 

"I know this was unexpected. And I'm pretty sure you won't say it with me around that it's not fair, because everyone always says that life isn't always fair and to get over it because that's how it is. Maybe you think I'd tell you that too, whether you've heard it before or not, and scold you for going on about it like everyone else..."

Alice trailed off, focusing on trying to spread the blanket back out without waking Kip up, catching it on the brace on Kip's leg, or getting the IV line pulled.

"...Well, Kip, I'm not gonna tell you that. I'm just not going to. Because it _isn't_ fair. And it doesn't matter whether life's supposed to be fair or not, because that's not the issue. This individual happening is the issue, and if you feel like it's not fair, you have a damn good reason for it."

Getting the excess blanket under the IV line so it wouldn't pull down on top, Alice finally stepped away and sank back down in his chair.

"But you know something, Kip? As much as you enjoy being on the road with us and how much it hurts not being able to go with us, there's something else you've always wanted to do that you want more than going to Europe with us. I think you might just be able to make something good out of this. I know how you are, and you're way too stubborn to sit around and let an unfair situation stop you longer than it takes to find a way around it. And whatever you decide to do, you know I've got your back if you need anything. First thing, I'm making sure you get this taken care of, and I'll make sure you're able to go from here."

With that, Alice went silent, listening to the background hospital noises out in the hall.

He didn't miss it when Kip then let off a deep, contented sigh in his sleep.

At some point, Alice knew he must have dozed off too, because he startled when a knock came on the door. It was 8:30 in the morning. He hadn't gotten an exact time before, but he knew it had been around 6:45 when the ER doctor gave Kip morphine. Close to two hours was good enough.

"Come in," he called.

A different nurse from before entered the room. "Mr.- ...Cooper?" she asked hesitantly, eyes widening as she sorted out just who was in the emergency room.

"Ma'am, you can call me that, you can call me Alice, or you can even call me by my real name, Vince. I'll even respond to 'hey, you!' -it doesn't matter. No worries about it."

"Well, um ...thanks, Vince. Nice to meet you." She recomposed herself. "Getting back to the point then, the orthopedic doctor here has been studying the images sent from radiology, and we've come to an effective conclusion for the options on the table."

"And you're here to tell us what happens depending on which route we go."

"Correct. The patient's fibular fracture should be able to be reset without surgery, and should heal with external immobilization alone -no need to perform any fixation measures. Without weight bearing for six weeks, and making sure to exercises to restrengthen after the immobilization period, the hairline fracture along his tibial condyles should heal on their own -it's a large bone with a lot of vascular tissue. We worry more about hairline fractures with small bones and poor supply not healing up right -like stress fractures in the foot."

"That makes sense. So that's good news." Alice sounded pleased.

"However..."

Alice's demeanor did a hairpin turn. "Bad news too?"

"Depends on how you look at it," explained the nurse. "The doctor's uncomfortable with the patellar fracture just because it is smaller and with less vascular supply. It isn't all the way through, but it is where pressure from movement may make the fracture worse, or complete it. Bracing the knee for a while may prevent that, but it's a choice up to the patient whether he would like to fix it with surgery now, or take a chance with the brace."

"What's the difference in healing time?" asked Alice.

"Depending on how strong his immune response is, going with the brace alone would be a minimum of two weeks longer to heal, _should everything work correctly_." The nurse held up a finger. " _But if_ it doesn't heal as fast -maybe the immune system would focus on the fibular and tibial fractures more, run a slower reaction, or become compromised in any other way, it could take a month or longer than with fixation. And if it does fracture all the way through, then fixation is the only option if the vascular tissue inside survives until surgical reattachment."

"Understood." Alice approached the side of the bed. "I can tell you based on your answer on what's going to be faster either way what his answer's going to be -he doesn't like being down for the count -but I'll check with him."

Kip's eyes slowly fluttered open as Alice tapped him on the shoulder, twitching against the harsh light. He lifted his head slowly.

"Yeah?"

"The doctor took a look at your scans, and they're giving you the option to choose surgery or not."

"And?" Kip lowered back down on his pillow and covered his eyes with his arm exhaustedly. "What if I do, and what if I don't?"

"Well, you can do it right away, or you can see how it does healing on its own -which may or may not take a bit longer -and if it doesn't heal properly, or the fracture gets worse waiting it out, then you might have to have it done later."

"Just go for it," Kip murmured wth hardly any pause to think. "Whatever works."

"I thought so." Truth told, if Alice had to choose for Kip, he'd have said the same. "Alright, if they see the injury as soon as it happens, they try to get it done sooner before scar tissue builds and makes it hard to get to, so you could be heading in in the next few hours, Kip."

"Fine by me." He was already starting to drop back off to sleep.

The nurse knelt down to get Kip's medical consent while she still had him awake. Alice had the ability if Kip were unconscious, but in this case, he could wake Kip up, and neither he, nor the nurse wanted to keep doing it.

"So then we're going to go get some supplies and come back -we have to take vital signs and draw blood so that we can make sure you'll respond as we expect to general anesthesia. Unless you'd rather go with a sedative alone and local anesthetics."

"Just do whatever works best. I'd rather not see or feel anything -just get it over with, and fixed..." Kip trailed off and fell asleep mid-sentence.

"Unless his vital signs and blood work show he'd better not do general, just go for it," said Alice, knowing Kip was at the stage where he didn't care what they did as long as it helped. "He'll probably barely need any sedative at all tonight to get him to sleep though -he's pretty well tuckered out. Might encourage him to stay still longer and get some proper rest too."

"This happened after your performance tonight?" asked the nurse.

Alice nodded. "Of course. And as we're joking, it's probably scarier than any of the show stuff we put onstage."

"Probably an accurate way of putting it when it comes to reality. And between that and the injury, I'm sure he is tired." The nurse gave a wistful smile. "We'll be right back in here to get those vitals sent. We have a few openings for surgeries, and we might be able to pull him in sometime this morning. The earliest one is at 9:30, and we might be able to get him into it in time."

The next hour was a blur of different nurses going in and out of the room, drawing blood from Kip's arm that didn't have the IV needle, asking Alice questions as to whether Kip ever had trouble becoming faint with physical activity -which he certainly did not -and to confirm other information as the party in charge of medical cases for the group. It was chaos that Alice decided Kip was lucky to have slept through.

Miraculously, Kip was cleared for surgery by 9:10 and taken up to the department. 

By 9:30, Kip was sedated and asleep, and Alice had fallen asleep in the chair of the room in the ICU that Kip was to be moved to after the procedure. He woke up to knocking on the door slightly past noon when Kip was brought down, having passed initial recovery from anesthesia -breathing on his own with normal vital signs and showing consciousness -albeit still half asleep and out of it.

The nurse warned Alice that with the risk of infection even with sterile surgery, they had Kip on medication to induce a low-grade fever. Their reasoning was that it would have Kip's immune system ramped up and ready to go if something got started, and told him not to be alarmed if Kip acted feverish as he regained full awareness of himself.

For the first fifteen minutes alone with Kip, Alice sat by him, watching silently. He was sad sight through those minutes -shivering profusely from the lingering effects of the anesthesia and trying to cover his eyes from the lights in the room -even after Alice had used the switch to dim them as low as possible without making it hard to see. Shaking and muscle spasms, chills, confusion, nausea, and light sensitivity, Alice knew from information signs in the room, were common things while waking up from surgery.

It wasn't until ten minutes into that period that Kip seemed to realize where he was and that Alice was with him. 

"A-Alice?" Kip asked in a light groan that was just above a whisper. He was chattering hard as he tried to speak, and trying to lift his head to look over at him.

"I'm right here, Kip, and I'm not going anywhere right now. Stay down -you don't need to be going anywhere in a hurry either."

"W-where are we?"

"You're out of the operating room now, and you're in an intensive care room. You're staying in here until you've recovered from the surgery and they make sure you're past the bone infection risk period."

"Can't see." Kip was blinking spasmodically -eyelids fluttering half open against the light. "It's all blurry."

"It's 'cause you're still half asleep from the anesthetic and sedatives. You'll see better when you wake up fully. I'd say you sleep it off some more for now. They only made you wake up because they wanted to see you come up from it okay and know you didn't still need oxygen connected and that you weren't having any bad reactions."

"W-will the shaking stop t-too?" The chattering seemed to get worse the longer a sentence Kip attempted to form.

Alice stood up and went into the cabinet off the side of the room to see if he could find an extra blanket.

"It's normal. I don't know how soon it'll stop, but yes, it will stop. I'll get you something to help that." He found a stack of spare blankets on the top shelf and pulled a couple of them down, setting one aside and deciding he was going to camp out on the floor and sleep too once Kip settled. He took the other one back over to Kip and spread it out over top the thin sheets of the hospital bed.

"Other than that, you feel alright still, right? Not feeling any bad pain, or sick like you're going to throw up or anything?"

"No, 'm okay."

Alice almost sighed with relief to know not all the side effects were there. At least not those that were really unpleasant. 

"Go ahead and sleep it off some more, Kip. I'm right here if you wake up and need me -not leaving until you're in control and say you're ready for me to. If I have to leave sooner, I'll get somebody to come in here. I bet you Paul's already planning on coming later, and you're good with Paul, right?"

Kip nodded subtly. "Yeah. 'S good," he murmured, curling up. That, Alice noticed, seemed to restrict the severity of his shaking and calm him down automatically. Seeing that Kip was becoming more relaxed and drifting off again, he reached over to the switch on the side of the bed and turned the lights off, then went down on his own blanket on the floor.

"Alright then. Sleep."

************

Dialing the number he'd already put in three times throughout the day, Reb held his phone to his ear and walked in an agitated pattern to the other side of his room, stretching the phone cord to the brink of snapping.

_Brrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnggg...._

He listened to the line ringing on the other side past the constant din in his room, counting each ring and wondering if he'd get an answer this time.

The box fan in Reb's bedroom window was cranking at full speed on its highest setting. All through the apartment, the windows were open, the ceiling fan was running in the kitchen, and of the session application papers Reb had out, those that weren't tucked under the edge of a glass or something else heavy enough to hold them down were scattered and blowing around all over the place. 

After wrestling with old double hung windows that stuck hard in the sash and internally praying for them not to shatter before they slid open, Reb wasn't in the mood to go chase down papers. Unless he was actively looking at them, if they wanted to be on the floor, they could stay there for all he cared! It didn't make sense to him why he couldn't bring himself to chase them down when he was also too wound up to sit still, but he was done trying to question what he'd already decided he didn't have an answer to.

Outside, the temperature was pushing into the high 80s. The heat index had gotten to the mid 90s by mid-morning, and was now pushing toward entering the triple digits. Between that, the humidity from a quick, passing rainstorm in the early morning, and being in an old building that lacked central air conditioning and not having a window unit of his own, Reb couldn't catch any significant relief from it. It was one of those extra heat-spiked late spring, early summer days that only reminded Reb of what he'd feel non-stop in just a month or so -or worse.

The heat seemed to only exacerbate his anxiety and boredom as he paced through the apartment in the radius the phone cord allowed him. The moving around wasn't doing Reb any favors with cooling off for sure, but he couldn't sit still if his life depended on it.

There he was -he'd said he'd have a session lined up for when the one he'd been in ended. Actually, he had initially. The one he'd planned on starting in a couple of weeks had fallen through, and they'd decided on another guitarist a month after Reb had been told he was in it. Reb didn't have anything else lined up, and he was scrambling to find something so he wasn't sitting around the apartment doing nothing and getting stir crazy again like he'd been right after Kip had left.

Problem was, he already was. So much that he felt like bouncing off the walls.

He hadn't expected these two upcoming weeks to be so bad either with Kip at home. However, he'd expected a call from Kip last night after the performance in town. That call had never come, and Reb had stayed up past three in the morning for it. When Reb began to feel too heavy-lidded to stay awake, he'd plugged the phone into the wall jack in his bedroom so that it would be loud enough to wake him up, and went to bed.

When he'd woken up at 11:00, he had forced himself to wait it out until 1:00 to call Kip at home. Then he called again at 2:00, and 2:30. Nothing, all three times.

Now here he was, trying again at 4:00. He was starting to get worried. Probably already was worried and in denial of it.

The phone was still connected with that number, so he knew Kip still lived there when he wasn't on tour.

_Brrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnngggg..._

That was the tenth ring. On the fourth attempt since last night Reb had made at calling. The call he'd made at one in the afternoon, he'd let ring for twenty rings, and Kip hadn't picked up. He'd hung it up then, knowing that twenty was pushing well over the courtesy limit for letting the phone ring.

Reb shook his head, throwing the phone back down on the hook before it rang again. One more ring would start snapping his nerves, which were straining at their limit. A hard, convulsive shiver caught and rode his spine up his back as he did, practically feeling the next ring winding up. As soon as the phone was down, he all but leapt into another round of pacing across the room.

_Damn it, Kip... Why haven't you called yet, and why aren't you answering?_

************

Alice snapped out of what he considered to be surprisingly heavy sleep -not what he expected most could get on a hospital floor -to the sound of a small moan and the rustling of sheets. He looked over to see Kip open his eyes to the intensive care unit again -this time fully and without squinting and shielding.

"Coming back to the world of living now, and you're coherent this time?"

"Somewhat." Kip's voice was hoarse and groggy sounding.

"Do you need a drink of water?" Alice hopped to his feet and reached over onto the side table for the cup of water the nurse had left, already knowing the answer without hearing it. Kip took it from him eagerly. 

"Go slow," Alice warned a second too late as Kip tried to take a substantial gulp and the water shocked against the parched, sore back of his throat. He barely managed to swallow and save himself from a mess before breaking out in a coughing jag.

"Hey, I said go slow, not chug-a-lug! You alright?"

"Yeah." Kip took another drink of water, a lot more cautiously this time, and recovered. "Damn it, that felt so weird..."

"That will get better in a little bit, but you'll have to be a little careful at first. You were under anesthesia, and you probably had a tube down your throat, so there's going to be some irritation."

Kip nodded in understanding. "I have a little bit of a headache, but it's not really there unless I think about it."

"They have you with an induced low grade fever to fight any possible infections from surgery before they start, so I'm not surprised. And now that you're awake, they'll probably try and increase that as far as they can without getting you feeling sick from it."

"Well, as long as I'm not actually sick, I guess it's alright," Kip decided.

"You feel okay otherwise?" asked Alice.

Kip pulled up his blankets, and looked down at his leg, which was bandaged and in a brace that went from his ankle to above his knee in order to immobilize all the bones involved -casting not being an option with recent incisions. Cautiously, he reached a hand down, and with his index and middle finger extended, probed at the side of his knee, tracing a line down to the lower fractures. He winced when he got to the tibial stress fracture, but couldn't feel much on his knee of on the outside of his leg where his most significant break in the fibula was.

"A little sore to the touch, but most of it is all numbed up and I can't feel anything."

"Local anesthetics must still be onboard there. That's a good thing; trust me, you want those to last you awhile. And no feeling stomach sick or anything like that?"

Kip shook his head. "Not at all."

"Got lucky there." 

"How long was I just out for?"

"We were both out." Alice looked up to the clock as he raised his index finger to his chin thoughtfully. "It's about 5:30 now, and the doctors had you coming up from anesthesia around noon. Been about five hours sleeping it off. Now, getting back to what I was going to ask -is there anything I can maybe call one of the guys to bring you? If you feel up to maybe getting out of the room a bit later, I can ask Paul to bring you some clothes so you can, your wash kit, and then if there's anything else...?"

"Clothes and hygiene supplies like you mentioned would be nice. Can I have my bass here too?"

Alice held back a laugh. The doctor had warned that once the anesthesia fully wore off, some people tended to be a little hyperactive -and he had the strange feeling that Kip was going to be one of them.

"I'll ask him to bring it, but no going at it hard or loud after 8:00 at night and before 9:00 in the morning -and that's more from the risk of the staff and other patients getting their panties in a twist over it. That said, if they tell you to turn it down or put it away, don't fight them. Ask them before you plug into an amp -if I decide to have Paul even bring you one. I know that contradicts what I usually say, but it's hard enough for people to rest in a hospital, and it's going to be great if you wind up with a grumpy nurse that takes it away from you."

"Or maybe I could charm the nurse out of it." Kip flashed one of his perfect smiles before shifting to a mischievous grin.

"Don't you start." Alice groaned and shook his head. "Okay, I think you're still pretty drugged up -but if you're joking around again now, I know you're alright. Although if it were anyone but a nurse -I know they've seen plenty of others try that trick -you probably could pull it off."

"Can I call Reb in a few minutes? I have an idea about what I can do. You know, since I can't go on tour and all, and I want to talk to him about it."

"You're doing well for somebody who's still a little woozy and feverish, but I think you need to let yourself recover completely from the surgical fatigue, figure out how you going to do with the fever, and then you can think about calling up Reb once you're readjusted for sure. That probably won't be until tomorrow, because it's already into the late afternoon, and by the time we know you're completely clear of it, it'll be too late to call tonight.

Kip nodded. "But I can call him first thing tomorrow?"

"You have a phone in this room for a reason, Kip." Alice chuckled lightly. "You call him tomorrow when you're feeling better -as long as you know it's at an hour you won't be waking him up."

"Unless if he sleeps in past two in the afternoon again," quipped Kip, cracking up. "Unless he's managed to get himself in a band within the last week and a half since I last called him and he had a late night gig too, I won't feel but so guilty waking him up then. He's out of session right now and every time he's between sessions, he gets restless."

"In that case, I don't think he'll mind if you wake him up late." Alice got up. "Alright, I'm going to go out in the hall and see if I can get ahold of Paul. If he's not busy and you're okay with it, I might run by home for a few hours."

"That's fine -I'm okay now." Kip pulled back the covers and slung his good leg over the edge, before grabbing the IV post and pulling himself up, keeping his hip extended so his injured leg didn't make contact with the ground.

Alice raised his eyebrows. "Hey, I told you to take it easy. Where is it that you think you're going?"

Kip pointed to the door in the corner leading to the bathroom as he began to make his way to it.

"I'd be happy to stay in bed like you told me, but I don't think that would work favorably," warned Kip with a nervous chuckle. 

Alice groaned again -this time not sure if it was more at Kip's wit or at himself not knowing better and jumping to conclusion. He could have figured that one out if he'd thought.

"I get it; no need to explain any further. But you do have crutches beside your bed for a reason so you don't fall-" Alice stopped, giving up as Kip hobbled across the room whilst using the wheeled IV post for extra stability. He was too stubborn to fight on that front, and even if there was a potential leftover side effect from the sedatives, Alice decided that with Kip being a dancer, his sense of balance on one foot was strong enough to not worry about him falling. He didn't seem to be having any real trouble crossing the room and getting the door open either.

"Alright, I'll be back in here after I get done talking to Paul. Just don't hurt yourself on the way back."

Alice went out in the hall and thought about everything on his way down to the public phones. If there was one good thing happening now aside from Kip being recovered from surgery well enough, it was that not only was Kip seemingly past the disappointment from last night, but he was getting the idea that Alice hoped he'd start thinking about. With as good spirits as Kip was in already -and fighting as hard as he was -Alice knew Kip would be able to make things happen if he decided on trying to start something new up.

And if Kip wanted to call Reb for the reason Alice thought he did, he knew two things were for certain:

One being that the two put together would be even better than Kip's determination alone -that despite having to see both all shaken up after a near shouting match, there was an undeniable closeness now -as well as musical chemistry.

The second being that unless he'd just gotten into some band in the last week as Kip had stated, Reb Beach was about to get the surprise of his life tomorrow.

After seven rings, Paul picked up the phone.

"Hello?"

"Well, that's a bit slow for you to answer the phone there, Paul."

"Whoops!" Paul had a blush in his voice. "Sorry Alice. I was playing my keyboard with the headphones connected to them. Took me a moment to realize that the excess ringing in the background was the phone instead of my treble reverb!"

Alice snorted as if he only half-believed that statement.

"So you popped back up on the face of the earth to us now -but did Kip make it too?"

"Yeah, he's in his room recovering from minor surgical repair."

"He's okay, right?" asked Paul, becoming concerned.

"Well, he's alright in the sense he's healthy and recovering well, but his leg needs time to heal. There's no way he's going to be able to take of for Europe with us, Paul. I think he's got some ideas and is feeling better about it now, but early this morning waiting on the doctors to decide what to do, he was one sad puppy. He'd accepted it from the start, but he wasn't ready to process it, and I don't think the discomfort helped him any with that."

"Oh, I'm sure," Paul remarked. "How is he doing now that he's up?"

"When he first woke up, or after he slept off the post-surgical side effects? He wasn't really with it right after, but now that he woke up again a few hours later, you'd hardly know he'd been hurt if it weren't for where we are and that his leg's bandaged. Just being typical Kip -cracking jokes and being a little naughty about it. Driving me crazy as usual."

"So the surgical fatigue didn't get him too badly?"

Alice shook his head.

"He might be a little fatigued, but you and I both know that Kip is way too stubborn for that to effect him. Kip just went hopping across the room without help, or his crutches to use the bathroom a few minutes ago -trust me, if he already has the energy to be up and around the room like that, he is fine."

"Did he get all loopy with having to go down for surgery?" Paul had a laugh in his voice.

Alice scolded Paul, wagging a finger as if he could see it.

"If you're looking for a reason to poke fun at him, _you'd better not, Paul Horowitz_. Don't even try it, or you're going to be the sad puppy when I see you next." Alice put extra emphasis when he used Paul's real last name instead of Horrors or Taylor, just to clarify himself. "No, Paul, he's fine now that he's up. The do have him with a low fever induced and they're going to raise it as high as he can tolerate once they come into his room and find him fully conscious -so that might do something. Now, the morphine they gave him a few hours before surgery had him loopy and moody. He was silly and laughing for maybe a minute at the most saying that it felt funny, and then he decided it was scary and he didn't like that feeling at all. Then he got a little emotional. But he went to sleep and didn't have too many problems. He's fine."

"Is there anything I could do to help you two out?"

"Well, I should probably go home and get cleaned up," Alice admitted. "I managed to get my eye makeup off, but I still have all kinds of corpse paint and fake blood on me under my jacket. You don't have to come, because I think Kip will be alright on his own for a few hours. But if you want to check in on him, do us a favor; run by his house and get him a change of clothes so he's not stuck in his room getting antsy. He'd also like his bass, but do the other patients here a favor, and if you bring him an amp at all -which I'm reluctant to tell you to do -make it be the smaller of his two portables that won't sound quite as loudly through the walls and get the nurses jumpy."

Paul roared with laughter. It was a solid ten seconds before he even started to lighten up with it. Alice was getting ready to make a snarky remark when he heard Paul draw in a breath like he was trying to calm himself down enough to talk, and the clinking of a set of keys that told him Paul was preparing for departure.

"Sorry," he gasped. "That was too funny. Alright, Alice, I can do that and head out of here in a minute. Actually, if you want to run home for a while, I still have my overnight bag set up -I can swap clothes in it and give you some time -even spend the night if Kip's alright with it."

"I'm sure Kip's on the lookout for someone more fun than myself to hang with for a few hours -especially once they run his temperature up. How about you come prepared, and I can come back if he decides otherwise tonight?" Alice suggested.

"That's a plan. I'll see you two shortly then." Paul hung up to get right to it before Alice could even say goodbye -not that it mattered when they really would see each other in less than an hour.

By the time Alice got back to the room, Kip had settled back down on his bed in a carefree position, spread out on his back. The post-surgical chills and spasms weren't bothering him now for sure.

"Well, you look pleased with yourself," Alice noted. "I guess you can't be feeling but so bad right now, Kip. It's a shame they're probably going to knock your temperature up."

"Oh, a nurse just looked in the room and saw me up. They're on the way to getting whatever drug they use for that right now, and I wish they wouldn't now that I feel normal. Other than not being able to walk properly right now, if they'd take this thing out of the back of my hand, you'd hardly know the difference," said Kip jokingly, pointing to the IV connection that was beginning to get irritating.

"Alright." Alice changed the subject, getting to the point quickly. "Paul's on his way -he's stopping to get your stuff first, but he was preparing to leave as we talked. I'm leaving when he gets here, He's thinking about spending the night-"

Kip's eyes lit up.

"-and I'm not going to go on about it, so just don't go getting up to trouble together, would you?" Alice pleaded mock-scoldingly.

Kip snickered lightly. "We'll try not to."

"That's as good as I can ask for," said Alice, becoming more serious. "Hey, when you call Reb tomorrow, call and tell me after if his response is good."

"Oddly enough, I'm a little nervous, but I think I know what he's going to say if he's in the same place he said he'd be now."

A rare, open show of affection, Alice stood alongside the bed lined up with Kip, reached out, and gave Kip's shoulder a firm squeeze. Kip looked up and met his eyes.

"I hope he agrees to you. Because you two are going to do great with each other."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was in a medical specialty program in school, spent countless mornings in a cadaver lab, took a sports medicine class where splinting was a big unit, and now that I've specialized to pre-vet, I've seen the anesthesia process during volunteer work. Maybe the technical medical terms here are making a few people's heads spin reading this, but in a case of portrayal of a real thing (Kip Winger did in fact break his knee, to those unfamiliar with the history -and that was how he left his position with Alice when he did) -I like to take advantage of what I've learned in prep for a career to also make the writing more realistic... so, thanks to any readers for putting up with my inner nerd coming through here -whether you liked it or it drove you crazy!


	9. A New Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reb and Kip reunite ...but how will Reb respond when Kip shares his idea, and an offer with him?

Kip's night in the hospital with Paul turned out interesting. The first half of it had been great fun considering the setting. And the first ten minutes of it, Kip hadn't been able to help but rag on Paul for having brought everything but the kitchen sink. Not only had Paul brought Kip his overnight bag and his bass and amp, but Paul had also brought along an acoustic guitar.

_"If we don't go at it too loud or hard and you're feeling up to it, I figured we could have some fun with this," Paul had said with a grin. "More fun than playing alone!"_

_"How the heck did you even get in here with all this?!" Kip had exclaimed, seeming quite amused by it._

_"Oh, trust me, I got the stink eye from a few nurses -if looks could kill, they'd have me on a crash cart down to the ER. But yours said you can have it, and none of the others stopped me. Just no amp after 9:00. We still have an hour before you have to keep it unplugged."_

At a temperature of 101.5 degrees, Kip was slightly fatigued and running colder than he usually did, but that was nothing to keep him from playing a few songs once he'd gotten changed into his own clothes. Paul had thought to throw a sweatshirt into Kip's bag, which kept the fever chills enough at bay for Kip to feel almost normal. He and Paul had a field day going at their instruments -as they had many times on the bus -for more than two hours, and then sat up for the better part of another two talking and joking around. 

Kip also had spent a good amount of that time discussing his ideas he'd shared with Alice, and his plans for when he called Reb with Paul. Paul was even more intrigued than Alice to hear about that after the fact.

Half way through the conversation, Kip had received an injection to raise his temperature to 102, and warning that overnight they were going to try and push his fever to the induction limit of 102.5 degrees and try to really give his immune system a boost if he could tolerate it. By midnight, the time and raise in temperature got the better of Kip, and he'd opted to go to sleep, feeling cold and heavy headed. 

That was when the fun ended. Paul ran back out to the parking lot to get his own overnight belongings from his car. Kip was sound asleep by the time he got back, and seemed alright. He still did when Paul got out of the bathroom from brushing his teeth and changing clothes, so Paul made himself at home for the night on the floor with a spare blanket and the pillow he'd brought from his house. He sat up for an hour just to be certain before going to sleep too.

When the nurse came in to check Kip's vitals and put a new fluid bag on the IV post -which was deemed necessary with fever induction overnight by the sense that Kip wasn't awake to keep himself hydrated -at 4:00, it woke Kip and Paul up. Kip was experiencing the expected side effects of a high fever -chills, increased perspiration, feeling heavy headed and tired, but it wasn't anything unbearable or annoyingly uncomfortable. When the nurse asked Kip, he said he felt okay with it, so she took note for Kip's temperature to be maintained high and replenished his dosage of thermoregulatory stimulant through the IV before leaving.

However, when Paul woke up again at 10:30, things had changed. He found Kip curled up tightly in his bed, almost entirely cocooned in the sheets and sleeping fitfully -fidgeting a lot like he couldn't get comfortable. Damp strands of hair stuck to his neck and his cheeks were flushed alarmingly bright. Sleeping fitfully, Kip only responded with soft whimpers when Paul tried to shake him awake. He tensed at the touch with fever aches.

Paul was alarmed. He took off for the nurse's station so fast he didn't even remember how he'd gotten there and had to follow the nurse back to Kip's room. It was only after the nurse ordered for Kip's temperature to be reduced that he went to call Alice for a morning update.

Unfortunately, it was another two hours before the last injection of the thermoregulatory stimulant would wear off fully, and even down at a lower temperature than his tolerance, it would take longer for the side effects to let up. Paul saw Kip as no less delirious than what Alice had described of his wakeup from surgery. The hour through which Kip dropped from 102.5 to 102 had been worst as he woke up disoriented, sore, and asking if somebody could make what Paul presumed was the discomfort stop. By the time Kip got back to 101.5, Alice had arrived back to take over for Paul.

"Well you seemed to be doing pretty well when I left you last night; didn't expect to come back and find you feeling like this. You're looking like a sad puppy again, Kip."

"I feel a lot better from before you got here, if that makes you feel any better," Kip murmured, lifting his chin up from the extra pillow which he'd curled himself around to try and compensate for the fever aches. "I felt okay with it when they checked in the middle of the night. I don't know when this morning my body decided to throw a fit over it for nothing. Don't know why it had to go and do that either, because I wasn't upset about it."

Alice spoke calmly. "Just give yourself time to recover from it. It's still dropping; you'll feel better soon enough."

"Soon enough to call Reb, I hope?"

"Paul said you did fine earlier last night, so I think as long as you don't go up higher than what they had you at then, you should be fine to talk to him. And as long as I'm here, they're not putting you above 101.5 again. I don't think they'd try it without me here either though."

"You think you'd be the only one fighting them on it?" asked Kip, just the slightest hint of his normal wit beginning to show through the fogginess.

"Usually, you're patient with the doctors, and I encourage it," said Alice, putting on his evil persona voice tone, "but if they try and put you up any higher with me not here, I may just have to give you my permission to fight them by whatever means."

Kip gave a tired smile. "I don't think I'll need it, but I'll take it if I do."

He was excited about what he had planned for once he left the hospital, but Kip knew full well that he would miss moments like those with Alice when he got to joking around in character out of setting. 

Later into the afternoon, Kip's temperature settled at 101, and the lasting effects of the overnight sneak up had finally worn off. He was ready to get things in action.

"You're ready to try calling Reb?" asked Alice as Kip started to get up, reaching for the phone on the table across the room.

Kip nodded. "Yeah -I'd rather do it now than before they put me back up to 101.5. At least they said they're finally taking this hassle off me when they do it," he said, pointing to the IV pole.

Alice smirked, chuckling internally as he got up and moved the side table with the phone over to get it in Kip's reach.

"Alright, Kip. Go ahead and call him. I'll be walking out in the hall if you need me." With that, Alice turned and left the room, pulling the door behind him so it was only slightly ajar. It wasn't that Kip was the type to get nervous on a phone or shy about others being around when he was making a call, but Alice was a stickler for having phone privacy whenever it was possible. Out of thought, he reciprocated it to others and tended to stay clear whenever anybody within his personnel -be it bandmates or crew men - were making personal phone calls.

Kip waited as the phone dialed. It only rang once -the phone picked up in the middle of the second ring. Either Reb was very close to the phone when it rang, or he was in a nervous state. Considering he'd meant to call yesterday, Kip guessed it was a combination of both.

"Hello?" Reb sounded frantic to Kip. On the other end, Reb held the phone in a death grip, panting lightly after having sprinted across the room for it.

"Hey, Reb, what's going on?"

Reb pulled the phone away from his side briefly, unable to keep back the sigh of relief.

_Oh, thank goodness..._

"Not much on my end aside from being without anything to do, Kip. By the way, what's going on for you? I tried calling you a few times yesterday and couldn't reach you for the life of me."

Reb heard Kip give off a small sound like the beginning of a nervous laugh that didn't make it past the first striking of vocal cords. 

"Sorry about that. Reb, this might sound a bit odd to you, but maybe it'll answer what you've probably been wondering. I'm calling from the intensive care unit in the hospital."

Reb flinched.

_So that explains why he wasn't answering calls -go figure. But what in the heck does that mean if he was there all yesterday?_

While Reb had been worried, he hadn't thought Kip would be sick or hurt as the reason. The fact that Kip hadn't called from the hospital sooner told him he'd been there a while, and whatever it was wasn't a simple thing.

"Wait, what? Why? Kip, are you okay?"

Kip laughed lightly in a way that sounded tired and bordered on soft giggling. It was mainly inaudible, consisting mostly of light, stuttered exhales through the nose like the laughing was there, but there wasn't enough energy to bring it out full.

"No, I'm serious-"

"I'm okay; I'm okay! Calm down. I'm not feeling great yet, but I'll be okay," Kip assured. "If anything, I'm too bored here."

"What happened?" Reb sounded less frantic, but he couldn't keep the skepticism out of his voice.

"Well, I had a less than graceful moment backstage -slipped on a fake blood spill the crew hadn't noticed to clean up in time and I fell down. Nothing life threatening, and it was an accident, but I landed funny, hurt myself, and had to have surgery to make sure my knee heals up properly, and I broke my leg too."

Reb flinched. "Where, and how bad?" he demanded.

"The doctor said a complete break of the fibula. Proximal end. There's a stress fracture on my tibia too, and my patella was fractured about halfway through. That was where they were more worried about it not healing."

Reb sucked air in through his teeth loudly and groaned.

"It still is sore there, but it's actually not too bad now," Kip explained calmly. "And the doctor said that as long as I do what they tell me to rebuild my strength after the immobilization period, everything should heal up fine. They say bones usually heal well. You know, I didn't get my ACL or anything that tends to never be the same. Actually, though, that could be a little vulnerable to injury at first, because the immobilization means the muscles around my knee are going to weaken. But it's no big deal -I'll just have to be careful until I rebuild my strength."

"So, you've already had surgery for it?" asked Reb, wondering with a slight feeling of surprise, and what he guessed to be annoyance as to how so much had gone on in the outside world while he'd been inside with absolutely nothing happening. "And they say everything's fine too?"

"Yeah, it's going to be alright."

"Why are you still stuck there in the hospital then?"

"Good question." Kip's voice seemed to perk with a hint of sarcastic humor. "I technically don't have to be here now that I'm recovered from the anesthesia, and if it were entirely up to me, I'd go home. They want me here though because of the nature of my surgery -they want to monitor me and make sure I don't have an infection starting -apparently bone infections are hard to fight and can get dangerous once they build up. And they're inducing a fever on me to help fight whatever I could end up with. I'm alright -the fever is really the only thing that has me feeling off now, because my leg feels fine as long as I don't poke at it. Though let me tell you, it sure didn't feel too good when it happened though, or getting to the ER." Kip gave off a pained yet playful chuckle this time. "I think Alice practically had to sit on me every time the van braked hard or hit a pothole!"

Reb snickered at that. It was a little hard for him to imagine Kip getting jumpy with as down to earth as he usually was. He fully understood why Kip would have been in rare form if broken bones were involved, but it was still something that struck him as being completely unusual.

"Anyway, I have some ideas to keep myself busy once I'm home, since I'm off the tour and out of my gig with Alice now. I'll get to that in a moment," hinted Kip. "But I figured while I'm stuck here, I'd check in with you for kicks. How's it been going for you lately?"

"I'm hanging in there. Definitely happy to here from you right about now." Reb sighed as he felt his anxiety level finally start to slope down.

"You said you'd be in between sessions at this time. Don't have anything to do?"

"Yeah, and I'm without a determined start date for a next one too." Reb tried not to sound forlorn about it, but he could tell he sounded it anyway. "Not by choice either -the one I had lined up to begin in a couple of weeks dropped me for somebody else they found and had to have, and I'll find one -went through all kinds of applications yesterday, and I'll probably find a session with somebody working with Beau Hill. He liked what I did with Fiona and has offered to me in the past year. I just don't know when, and I told you I wouldn't let myself get bored, but I guess I lied."

Kip frowned and got serious. "Alright, Reb, don't go down on yourself for that. You didn't know that would happen, and if it was on that short of a notice, that was wrong on them to leave you hanging -even if they can opt to do that before a certain point. Sorry for that, and having to be caught unexpectedly; it's not fun. But it's not your fault."

"I guess you kind of got left hanging too," Reb realized, feeling slightly abashed. "Sorry, I shouldn't be going on about that to you being in the same place."

"At least it wasn't by Alice's own choice; he wouldn't have sat me out of this if it wouldn't make things worse, but yeah, I did." Kip's tone lightened. "Hey, once I'm out of here, we can keep each other from getting too bored, or worst case scenario, we can end up that way together. And I'm supposed to get out of here tomorrow afternoon, so it's not long now. I don't see why we can't meet up like we were planning to just because of this."

"No, that shouldn't be a problem." Reb answered so fast there was hardly a gap from when Kip finished what he was saying and he started. "Actually, when and where should we do that, because-"

There was the sound of somebody else coming into Kip's room and saying something. Reb stopped, cutting off his question. He didn't know where they'd meet up, but he decided it probably shouldn't be at his apartment. A broken leg and two flights of external stairs didn't seem like a good combination to put Kip through.

"Hold on a second, Reb," Kip excused himself.

_I wonder if there's any major regulation on visitors in the low level ICU,_ Reb wondered. Both had admitted they were stuck with nothing to do, and if Kip felt up for it, heading out to the hospital for a couple of hours wasn't looking like a bad idea.

"Alright, Reb, sorry about that. Back with you," said Kip.

"Who was that?" asked Reb. "Doctor giving you any better news about getting out, or hopefully not anything worse?"

"No, that was just the nurse telling me they're going to try and run my temperature up more as soon as I'm off the phone. They have me at 101 right now and want to put me back up to 101.5. I did okay with yesterday evening after I recovered from surgery. They tried 102.5 with me overnight -that was another story. I'd have probably called you sooner if it hadn't, but what can you do?"

"Too bad it wasn't word about getting out sooner," Reb murmured, before remembering something Kip had mentioned and feeling unusually curious for himself. "Anyway, what was it you said you were going to get to in a moment? Had to do with keeping busy at home?"

"That?" Kip was momentarily confused, having had his train of thought derailed. "Oh, that! Yes, I do want to tell you about it, but actually, I think it'll be better for me to wait until we can get with each other rather than tell you over the phone."

"If you're allowed and it's not intruding on you, I can come down there if you want. I'm still here in the city, and I definitely wouldn't be pressed to find the time." Reb was practically screaming inside for a chance to get out of the apartment and actually have somewhere to go. Truthfully, after over a year since Kip's departure on tour with Alice, he was looking forward to seeing him again too -even if it meant going onto the hospital campus, which Reb usually hated. Just navigating the roads around it and finding the correct parking facility was hard enough, but now it functioned as something to do.

"Oh, you don't have to do that, Reb. At least not right now. I'd appreciate it and you're welcome to -trust me, I'm pretty bored too, and this is after the fact that Alice had Paul bring me my bass, and clothes so I'm not stuck in the room. But if you want to come down here, you probably want to wait until later. It's in the late afternoon on a Friday, and traffic is going to be pathetic. In fact..." 

Kip paused, and Reb could even hear the rustling as Kip hoisted himself out of bed on his good leg and prop himself up against the bed with one hand to see out the window and down to the street. 

"...if I look out my window here, it already is. It's all stacked, barely even crawling in each lane, and -" Kip cut off again as red and blue lights flashing in the distance caught his eye. "Uh-oh. That's not average rush hour traffic doing that mess. I actually see lights in the distance; that's an accident. You _really_ don't want to go getting stuck in that -unless you want to sit bored in traffic for a couple of hours."

Reb didn't answer right away and had to think hard on that for a moment. Getting out of the house at any cost seemed to be his main goal, but he could hardly sit still in the house, and sitting in the car stopped in direct sunlight with no way to even move around to dissipate the boredom anxiety was going to turn him into a hot mess before he could even get there.

"On any other day, I might consider doing it, but if being wound up already won't do me in, then the heat in the car will. Maybe I'll try it in about three hours or so. It should start settling down around 7:00, or at least it usually does."

"That's pushing it. I'd wait until 8:30 or so, but we'll go halfway. How about 7:45, you try leaving? That way, if you catch traffic, it should be the tail end of the worst of it, and you won't be stuck as long." Kip estimated it would probably settle at 8:00 o'clock. Without a doubt, Reb would still wind up in some -traffic in the city was a 24/7 presence -however, it wouldn't be unbearable to get through.

"Alright. By that point, I'd be arriving with you sometime after 8:00."

"It's all good. They're not restricting my visiting hours -Alice made that clear from the word start!"

Reb snorted. Of course Alice would give that order. He was something.

"I'll be there."

"See you then, Reb."

Reb had to take the flat clock off his kitchen wall and set it face down on the counter to keep from watching it non-stop. Instead of depending on it to see when 7:45 rolled around, Reb went and set his alarm clock to ring at 7:30 PM -and left himself a note to remember to _'set the clock for AM, not PM'_ the next time he needed to use it for a wakeup. He busied himself with trying to go at his guitar again and break the block.

He had two more potential riffs on tape to look at by the time the alarm went off. If traffic had been bad earlier, Kip's estimated time to leave had worked well, because Reb managed to make it to the hospital in under half an hour. The roads were still stacked on the heavy side with vehicles, but it moved steadily, and the only things that stopped Reb were traffic lights.

He checked in, got a visitors pass, and quietly made his way down the hallways. There was always something about a hospital with the constant beeps of monitors that was intimidating. Finding Kip's door slightly ajar, Reb peeked in the gap to make sure Kip was ready for him.

Kip was sitting on the edge of the bed, his bandaged and braced leg extended and propped up on an extra chair. He had his bass in his lap and despite looking a lot better from what Alice had seen of Kip at his arrival, he still looked somewhat sad. It was obvious by sight to Reb that Kip was indeed running a fever like he'd mentioned -if an induced one. His eyes were tired looking and there was a blush of pink across his cheeks, which were half-obscured by unkempt hair that reached his shoulders unextended now. With the way Kip leaned forward over his lap with the bass, the cowlicks were the only thing keeping it from flopping forward and completely covering his face.

Carefully, Reb pushed the door open. The hinge gave a light squeak, triggering Kip to look up from his bass. His eyes lit up when he saw Reb, and he slid his bass off his lap, setting it on the bed behind him out of the way.

Without saying a word, Reb stepped inside, pushed the door behind him so it stopped only slightly ajar, then lightly trotted forward. Kip had already lifted his arms some, able to tell what was coming. With great caution, Reb threw both of his arms around Kip and embraced him lightly. He wasn't sure how careful he had to be with Kip's injured state, but after the time apart, Reb didn't even have to think to know that one arm wasn't going to cut it.

Exhaustedly, Kip let his cheek rest on Reb's shoulder, and Reb could feel through his t-shirt just how feverish Kip really was. Any higher of a temperature, and he'd be feeling sick for sure.

"You know, just because I broke my leg doesn't mean I'm gonna shatter," Kip joked, keeping his voice low and just above a whisper as he reached up sluggishly and gave Reb a tighter squeeze, encouraging Reb to tighten his own hold. He was trying to be quiet too, considering that it was nighttime in a hospital. "It's good to see you."

"Same here," Reb whispered. "I missed you. A lot." He let go and pulled away gently, trying not to knock against Kip's injured leg as he backed up.

"I did too. Funny to think that neither of us would have expected that in the beginning when we first met," Kip quipped after a moment, pushing down the lower section of the side rail on the bed, leaving it accessible.

"No, I don't think I'd have thought I'd ever say that then." Reb sat down on the edge of the bed next to Kip. "I don't think I expected to see you busted up then either."

Kip shook his head with a tired but playful smile. 

"I'd say it's not too bad. At least I didn't fall onstage -or worse; off of the stage."

Reb moaned at the thought and cringed. "Yeah, both of those sound a lot more embarrassing. And a lot more painful with going off the stage." With that thought, Reb silently hoped he'd never fall off of a stage -and that if he ever did anyway, that the impact wouldn't be too hard and he'd be lucky enough to not have any serious injuries to anything other than his pride.

"Alice was telling me stories about the time he fell off the stage in the seventies as means of telling me not to be embarrassed," Kip added. "He said he broke six ribs. I don't know which one of the two hinders you more from daily activities, but I can breathe and lie down without pain, so I really could be a whole lot worse. The only pain I've had outside of my leg is fever aches. Those are hopefully going to stay away too."

"I guess if you had broken ribs like Alice, then you _would_ have shattered just now if I weren't careful."

"No. Probably not." Kip shook his head and shrugged before springing an impish grin. "Though I might have made some level of noise over it, because it probably wouldn't have felt too good!"

"Then I'd get the nurses in trouble with me." Reb shook his head too.

"Other than a few nasty looks that Paul got bringing in my bass, they haven't been too bad. Bringing his guitar in with it at the same time might have been a push too" Kip shifted to turn sideways some -just enough to face Reb as he decided that this was a good time to change to the more pressing subject. 

"Anyway, aside from being stir crazy -again -and looking for sessions, how are you doing on the music front? Been almost a month since we worked on a riff over the phone."

Reb shrugged. "For a while I was really focused on the end of the session I just got out of a week ago, so I wasn't doing much. Now I'm kind of in a block of sorts, and I think it's just from getting disappointed at the thing with this other session. I did manage to come up with something and saved it on a track last night. Couldn't really get a whole bunch of riffs last night like I usually do, but it was something insomnia driven, I guess."

"I've got all the time in the world right now to help you look at that once I get out of here. Maybe that'll break the barrier and get some more ideas running again. Any progress on searching for a band that's starting out to get into?"

"Hard to say." Reb lightly tossed his hands out in front of him, wordlessly speaking discouragement before looking down toward his lap. "I'm always on the lookout, you know, because I could work that and finish off a session at the same time, and that is what I want to do, as I've mentioned. But I still haven't found one yet."

Kip leaned forward to get under Reb's downcast gaze and look him directly in his eyes with a very subtle, knowing smirk.

"Would you like to be in one?"

Reb disguised his flinch well, but when he spoke, it was perfectly audible, and his eyes were as big as saucers.

"What?!"

"Would you like to be in one?" repeated Kip, having a hard time keeping a straight face at Reb's reaction. 

"You mean-?" Reb gasped, gaping and covering his mouth in stun. "Holy shit!"

"You see, everything I've been thinking about with starting a project on my own? I've talked to Paul about it, and he's shown interest in being a part of it when it happens. I'm thinking this is a good time for me to start it, since I'm laid up and I can't exactly perform right now. I won't be going with Alice to Europe, so it's something to do. We even have a few ideas between each other. There are two problems though. One being that Paul will be going away, so he can't contribute to working on any demos with me for the next few months, and I won't get very far by myself. The other one is we need a strong lead guitar player who will do well writing with Paul and I. And I was wondering, if you're interested, would you-?"

Overwhelmed, Reb leaned over his lap, covering his face with his hands. "You're joking."

"No, I'm not." Kip chuckled, put his hand on Reb's shoulder to help him ground himself, and allowed himself to stop holding his smile back, which was almost becoming painful. "If you're game for it, I think you're exactly who I'm looking for. What do you think about it?"

It took Reb a moment to speak. His tongue got too thick to control without producing stuttered gibberish, and his throat tightened. He knew his answer, but he was so overwhelmed he couldn't get words to form at first. It seemed coincidental -Kip having been the one insisting to him not to give up on finding a place in a band one day where he could work with everyone else to use his abilities to the fullest, and that it would happen at some point. Reb hadn't really imagined that it would actually be with Kip, and as Kip had said it then, it seemed that he hadn't expected it to work that way either. The idea seemed right though. He knew he could work well with Kip -once they figured each other out, everything seemed to fall into place. They'd become close over the time and had been wanting to meet again someday. And they could write perfectly with each other. What Reb couldn't do, Kip could do or help him to, and vice versa.

And all through the time, Reb hadn't been able to find a full time band -until Kip had to leave the one he'd joined from an injury. Though he definitely wished it hadn't required Kip to get hurt, Reb had to wonder if it all was just supposed to happen the way it did.

He found his words. "Of course."

"You're in, Reb. Just figure out when you're available and let me know, and when Paul gets back, he'll be with us too."

"Well, I'm not in any session right now -I may get into one later while we work on this, but until I do, any time works." Reb braced himself with his hands in the edge of the bed, shaking slightly -for once in a good way. The initial overwhelmed feeling was gone, but there was something else left there that he couldn't describe, and similar to the first time he'd managed to remember a riff while working with Kip and had been so happy he didn't know what to do. He decided it was his heart nearly bursting.

"Then I guess we'll see about starting as soon as I've been determined safe from infection -I think it's forty-eight hours post-op, so that'll be tomorrow night if my blood work comes back normal for white blood cell count -unless it comes back better than they expect for today -I might get released tonight if that happens. Hoping to. When I do, I can go home and start planning it out then. And I would say it'd be wise to get into another session if you can, just in case if starting progress is slow.

"I've already sent applications, so I'm taking at least one if I get accepted into any," assured Reb. "Our biggest problem is probably going to be finding a place to record."

"Already settled," Kip cut in. "Alice had his reserved studio space that stays clear -he told me if I did anything, we could use it. We may or may not have the same producer toward end stage production -that'll depend on what happens."

"Beau Hill keeps asking me to work on more projects with him, so he might help us if we ask him at the right time," suggested Reb. "If he does that knocks out the biggest problem we have."

"We do have one other big problem to address first, actually," Kip warned. "We need to find a drummer. But something tells me we'll have little trouble there. I think we'll be able to find somebody who clicks in."

"As long as we have a drummer that doesn't have the stereotypical, wild temper," Reb decided to joke. "I'm not sure if I can handle being with one of those."

"Reb!" Kip scolded in a big, husky whisper before laughing in quiet wheezes. "No, that won't be a problem. We want to keep everything calm and fun in this. I'm sure there's somebody out there we'll find who will be fun. Probably still energetic, but nobody ill tempered at all. And you'll have a say in the decision t-."

Before Kip could finish and Reb could respond, the door swung open, provoking both of them to flinch, and Reb to blush at the thought of anyone overhearing their excitement. 

It was the doctor, holding a stack of papers.

"Yes?" asked Kip, sounding a little nervous and looking up. He didn't have to be prompted to know that the doctor was there to tell him something.

Reb was silently hoping they weren't going to kick Kip's temperature up higher and have him get ill again so that he had to leave right away.

"Looks like you have a pretty good immune system," noted the doctor. The blood draw from earlier came back. You've got elevated red blood cells and eosinophils -that means inflammation and increased blood flow to try and heal things up, but your leukocytes are starting to drop off. What that means if there's any infection in there, you're keeping up with it and have it mostly defeated -if there were a growing infection, we'd see those dividing and multiplying. We didn't find any foreign bacteria in there today either, so you're in the clear."

"And if I'm in the clear, what does that mean as to what happens next here?"

"For one, we're not going to raise your temperature again like we planned on earlier." The doctor shook his head. "We do that to make sure that the immune system is going at it properly; sometimes others need a little bit of help, and it's best to jump-start everyone to give it a head start. Pardon my French here, but I won't sugarcoat it. Bone infections are a bitch once they get going."

Reb turned away, pushing his wrist against his lower lip and trying to hide that he was biting back a laugh. He was certain that doctors probably swore almost as much as rock stars tended to -especially in surgeries that became a little tedious and complicated -but it was still unexpected that one would in front of a conscious patient! He couldn't help but admire the doctor for it. In the setting, it was refreshing. Taking a quick glance over his shoulder, he saw Kip's mouth curl with amusement too.

"You don't look like you need it continued though, so we're going to bring your temp back down to normal and get you feeling better here if nothing else."

"Well, I'll tell you just like when you disconnected my IV a couple hours ago -I'm not going to argue with that at all. By all means." Even Kip's flat accent couldn't cover how relieved he was to hear that.

"One other thing." The doctor held up a finger. "If you can be responsible to keep watch for signs of infection and come back right away to get checked at the first sign of one, we can send you home before your planned release time. There is risk in any case that you could develop one, but you aren't a case where we worry about monitoring it as strictly."

Kip perked up extra eagerly. "I'm on board with that."

"Now, you do have to sign on it, and so does a witness -which I can go get another doctor for, or any of your visitors you have when we check you out can do it -to say that as soon as you notice a sign of an infection coming on, you will go to the urgent care unit to get it assessed. If you go in and get it checked at the first signs, it's covered as part of this treatment and you won't have to worry about it. Let it get out of control, and you'll have to go in through the ER again as a separate case."

"I have no intention of letting one get out of control if I get one -trust me," Kip agreed. "If I can avoid a potential stay in the hospital, I will."

"Alright, then here are your discharge papers and procedure file here, and I'll have a nurse come back with your early release statement and everything else you need to take care of." The doctor left the papers on the side table and left the room. 

Kip picked up the discharge papers, checking for any extra parts that he had to fill out. "I can call Alice or Paul to come get me, and I can check out whenever one of them can get here-"

"I'm out in the parking lot if you'd like me to give you a ride home," Reb offered.

"Are you sure?" asked Kip. "It might be a couple of hours waiting before they get me out of here. You know how hospitals sometimes are."

"It's this, or go home and be bored and alone for the night. This is better, even if it is in a hospital. I can sign off for you too when the doctor gets back so there's less waiting." Reb shrugged, his snide and humorous side springing out. "Think we might have better things to do than wait around for that?"

Kip blew up into his cowlicks before reaching over and giving Reb a playful shove. Reb leaned way over, kicking his feet out in front of him and miming getting knocked over -provoking Kip to catch a fit of laughter that found its way into Reb right quickly. Finally silence spread across the room as the two ended up hugging again.

"Alright, time to settle down," Kip sighed, sitting back up after a moment. "We can, too -no need to be stir crazy now that we're getting ourselves up to something here. First thing we'll probably do is start calling the studio to give them advanced notice for a time we can come in and start recording demos in that space. It might take a couple of weeks after I tell them before they'll give us access times, but if we get together at home, we can start working some ideas out with each other beforehand and even save some time there."

"I managed to come up with a couple more riffs too," Reb cut in.

"And I haven't heard any of them yet, so as soon as we get together, that'll be the first thing we look at. Maybe some of them can turn into something to get us started."

Reb blushed and took a deep breath, getting another round of adrenaline.

"Aw, man, sorry. Still can't believe this is actually happening," he murmured.

"I hardly can either -and I'm the one who decided I wanted to do it." Kip shook his head. "It'll get more real as we get more set up and when we get started working stuff out. But we're doing it -this isn't an 'if', this is a 'when', and you know I'm too stubborn to wait any longer when we have the chance to start. We can get together even tomorrow if you want to look at those riffs and see what we can come up with. Or, if you're up to it -I am now that I'm not running a high fever -we could even do a little bit tonight."

"That's fine by me," said Reb. "I'm all for it. I should probably come to you only at first though, since it would be harder for you to get to my place -for one transportation, but also because you've mentioned in the past that you're on a first floor and I'm not. And I don't use the elevator in my building unless I absolutely have two -it tried to trap me twice when I moved in there, and after it held me hostage for an hour, I'll be damned if I willingly give it a chance to do that again!"

Kip giggled lightly at Reb's bitterness toward a faulty elevator, struggling to sit still with the excitement of a new project already beginning between himself and Reb in -of all places -a tiny, dimly lit room in the intensive care unit. 

"If that works for you, then it works for me too. Alright, we'll head on there as soon as I'm given the okay and get this started together. Let's hope the staff gets a move on with those documents so we can get out of here."

As Reb sat with Kip through the discharge process, he could hardly wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Winger is conceived in the hospital ICU!


End file.
